


Blood Will Have Blood

by QueenOfSmokeAndMirrors



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Cruciatus, Dark James Potter, Dark Lily Evans, Dubious Consent, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Lily Evans is a Black sister, Obsessive Behavior, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, Revenge, Sexual Content, Slytherin James Potter, Torture, Veritaserum, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:15:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 43,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23740678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfSmokeAndMirrors/pseuds/QueenOfSmokeAndMirrors
Summary: In which Lily, the only Black in Gryffindor, ruins and is ruined by a very Slytherin James Potter.Dark Jily AU.
Relationships: Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Rodolphus Lestrange, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy
Comments: 25
Kudos: 95





	1. Prologue: O Brave New World

**_September 1971_ **

**W** ith a long-suffering expression, Delilah Black allowed her older sister Andromeda to kiss her on the forehead.

"Andy!" she protested, wriggling out of her hold. "Stop it!"

Andromeda gazed down into her brilliant green eyes with a twist in her heart. "Sorry," she murmured, brushing away the curl of fear that touched her whenever she wondered about what lay in store for her youngest sister.

The whistle blew, and Lily swung around eagerly. "We're going to be leaving soon, I have to go! Bye, Andy. Write to me loads and loads!"

"I promise," Andromeda said, smiling. "I'll even make an Unbreakable Vow if you want me to."

Lily tilted her head as though seriously considering it, then shook her head. "I don't think you should. I mean –"

"Come on!" hollered Marlene McKinnon, who had been Lily's best friend almost since birth. She was a tall, sturdy girl with masses of curly brown hair that fell almost to her waist in thick spirals. "Quickly!"

Andromeda gave her youngest sister one last hug. "Be careful," she whispered. Then she stepped back, watching as the eleven-year-old jumped blithely up the steps and out of sight. A few moments later a head of long, flaming hair appeared at the window. Lily and Marlene waved furiously as the Hogwarts Express began pulling out of the station into a haze of steam. Narcissa, being a fifth-year prefect, had already said her goodbyes and boarded, while their oldest sister Bellatrix was currently on honeymoon with her new husband Rodolphus Lestrange.

Andromeda's heavy-lidded grey eyes followed them until she could do so no more, then with a sigh she turned around.

She froze.

Her aunt, a striking woman in her forties, was standing there watching her coolly. Derision gleamed in her dark gaze.

She swallowed. "Hello, Aunt Walburga."

"Andromeda," the woman returned. "What a pleasant surprise." Her words indicated that she thought the exact opposite.

The younger Black searched for something to say. "So… Are you here to see off somebody?"

Walburga's eyes narrowed. "Your cousin Sirius starts Hogwarts this year. The same as Delilah, I presume."

Andromeda remembered abruptly Sirius Black, the boy she had last seen as a young terror of nine years old, and who had been every inch the arrogant Black even then. She had forgotten that he was the same age as Lily; the two branches of the family were not precisely close. Perhaps she had wanted to forget. She was under no illusions about the type of people her family were.

She remembered that her aunt had asked her a question and nodded, a little too late. Walburga seized upon the weakness.

"So how _is_ Delilah?"

" _Lily_ is fine," Andromeda said curtly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I must go." She hurried away, not caring that she was being rude.

Walburga Black watched her niece go and smiled.

* * *

Inside the Hogwarts Express, Lily and Marlene had their textbooks open as they got an early start on the spells and charms they would be learning that year. The compartment was littered with Chocolate Frog wrappers.

"I don't get this," Marlene said, squinting at _The Book of Spells, Grade One_. "It says that you have to flick the wand, but when I flick –"

A loud voice echoed through the train, cutting her off. " _We will be arriving at Hogwarts in five minutes. Please get dressed and leave your trunks on board as they will be collected later_."

Lily had changed into her black robes almost the moment she had got on board. She looked out of the window as Marlene changed as well, excitement sparking within her. She had had to wait behind as her three older sisters went to Hogwarts without her, but now here she was, with her wand tucked safely in her pocket, on her own way at last. Also in her pocket was a hand-drawn map of the school Andromeda had given her. She couldn't _wait_ to go exploring with Marlene.

It was dark outside, but she could hear rain drumming on the roof as the great steam train drew to a stop. Lily and Marlene waited dutifully until the older years had filed past before inching out themselves.

"There you are!" Narcissa cried as she hurried up to them. The silver-and-green Slytherin prefect badge glittered on her chest. "Father would be very displeased if you'd gotten lost and fallen under the train. Here, follow me."

The two girls followed her white-blonde head down the steps to the platform. Narcissa pointed at a huge, mountain-like man who was waving his arms over his head and bellowing.

"Bloody hell," Marlene breathed. She and Lily exchanged a half-furtive, half-proud glance at the adult curse. "Who _is_ that?"

"That's Hagrid," Narcissa explained. "He's in charge of the first-years, so you need to go over there and wait with him. I have to organise the others." She ran off again.

Lily and Marlene looked at each other. The former shrugged, so they fought against the flow of the crowd to get nearer to him. As she got closer Lily realised that he was shouting, "Firs' years over here! Firs' years over here!"

The bunch of first-years who were clustered around him shivered as the rain beat down heavier on their heads. Lily wrapped her cloak more tightly about her thin frame, examining the faces of her fellow classmates. She frowned as she saw someone she recognised.

"Sirius?"

Even though it had been two years since she'd last seen him, there was no mistaking the Black looks. His hair was a sleek inky mop, crystalline eyes the grey of twilight shadows. He, Bellatrix, Andromeda, and his younger brother Regulus had always resembled each other. All of them had inherited the classic family looks. Meanwhile, although Narcissa and Lily shared the same delicate – verging on arrogant – facial structure as their family, Narcissa's hair was the pale gold of their Rosier mother's, and Lily had fiery locks and green eyes that had come from their Crabbe grandmother.

Sirius twisted in her direction and nodded once, briefly. "Delilah."

"Lily," she corrected. The contained, emotionless mask she wore when dealing with most members of her family fell automatically into place. She hated it because it was a trait of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, but one that she found undeniably useful.

"McKinnon, isn't it?" Sirius was asking, looking Marlene up and down with contempt evident on his face. "I remember you. Half-blood?"

Marlene nodded hesitantly. Instantly he let out a bark of laughter.

"Really, Lily? Still hanging out with people who are practically Mudbloods?"

"Shut up," she snapped. Marlene's blue eyes had gone wide and round in shock. Lily grabbed her best friend's arm and tugged her back, away from where Sirius was standing.

"Ignore him," she said gently. "He's just a stuck- up little snob, okay?"

Marlene blinked rapidly. "Who was he, Lily?"

She hesitated, wanting to lie, but knowing she couldn't. "That was Sirius. He's my… cousin."

"Your cousin," the other girl repeated. "A Black." A self-mocking laugh. "Well, I should have known. A half-blood can't possibly be good enough for the pureblood daughter of generations of Blacks, can she?"

"Marlene!" Lily said fiercely. "Listen to me. "You're my best friend, and yes, I know that my family doesn't approve of you – except Andy, anyway – but I don't care. I'll always be friends with you, understand?"

Marlene gave her a thin smile and nodded. At Hagrid's command, the two girls climbed into a small rowing boat, taking care to pick one as far from Sirius as possible. He appeared to have forgotten about them: he was now talking and laughing loudly with three other boys.

Another boy and girl climbed into their boat. Lily looked up at them curiously. The boy was tall and lanky, with brown hair and blue eyes, while the girl was a blonde like Marlene.

"Hi, I'm Frank Longbottom," the boy said in a quiet murmur. He smiled nervously at them. "Can we sit here?"

"Of course!" Lily said brightly. "And who are you?"

"Arabella Figg," the girl said shyly.

Conversation stalled when the boat abruptly set off without any visible means of propulsion. The rain had stopped by this time, and a thousand flickering lights shone as Lily gazed hungrily upon Hogwarts Castle. This was to be her home for the next seven years, and she'd be damned if she allowed her _family_ to ruin it.

* * *

"I was thinking Gryffindor," Frank said as the boat continued to rock on its way towards the castle. "You know, because of Dumbledore being in it?"

Once his initial bashfulness had faded, he had turned out to be remarkably enthusiastic on the topic of their future scholastic careers. Arabella had thawed as well, although she remained slightly more reserved. The four of them were discussing which Houses they wanted to be Sorted into.

"That's a good choice," Marlene agreed. "But what about Ravenclaw? It's for the clever ones!"

"True," Frank conceded. "I guess I don't really mind where I'm Sorted, as long as it's not Slytherin." He shuddered exaggeratedly. "I don't think I could _live_ with myself if I were Sorted into Slytherin!"

Lily looked down. Every single member of her family for centuries had been Sorted into Slytherin, a House which her new friends obviously despised. That boded well for her future popularity.

The boats stopped at a small pier and they clambered out. Hagrid shepherded them up to the huge front doors. Inside, the wet and bedraggled first-years were told to try to make themselves look presentable while they waited to be summoned.

Lily threw her waterlogged mane of hair over her shoulder. There were butterflies in her stomach, even if she didn't want to admit it. She was going to have to walk out in front of hundreds of people and see the horrified expressions on her friends' faces as the Sorting Hat roared out _Slytherin!_

It was nerve-wracking, to say the least.

What felt like hours later, the doors to the antechamber swung open and the first-years streamed out.

Lily felt hundreds of pairs of eyes drilling into her. Resolutely she kept her head high, face blank. She quickly glanced at the Slytherin table. Narcissa was there already chivvying people to move up and make space. Her sister raised her eyes for a fraction of a second and nodded encouragingly at her.

Finally they stopped in front of the stool with the Sorting Hat. Lily stared at it in fascination. It was bent over and moth-eaten, nothing special, but she knew it had the power to determine where she would spend the next seven years of her life.

The beaky-nosed professor who had introduced herself as the Deputy Headmistress McGonagall unfurled a long scroll.

"Acerman, Colin!"

" _Ravenclaw_!"

"Alphard, Juliet!"

" _Hufflepuff_!"

Lily tuned out the cheering that occurred whenever a House's name was called. She was a B; not long now.

"Black, Delilah!"

The Great Hall fell silent in anticipation as the youngest daughter of Cygnus Black walked calmly up to the stool. Professor McGonagall jammed the Hat on Lily's head.

Almost instantly the Sorting Hat opened its mouth. " _Sly – "_

 _No!_ Lily thought desperately. _Please, I don't want to be in Slytherin!_

To her surprise a small voice spoke in her ear, like the whining of a mosquito.

"You don't want to be Slytherin? Even when your blood cries out for it?"

 _I don't care about blood_ , she said mentally.

There was a pause, then the Hat spoke once more. "Interesting. You are cunning, conniving and prideful, and you have the makings of a fine Slytherin. But there is a courage in you which means that if you refuse Slytherin, I must place you in –"

" _Gryffindor_!"

Instead of the cheering which usually followed the Hat's pronouncements, there was a dead silence. Lily cracked her eyelids open.

Nearly everyone looked dumbstruck. Narcissa's mouth was open in astonishment. Had they really heard correctly? Had a _Black_ just been Sorted into _Gryffindor_?

Apparently. Lily placed the Hat back on its stool and scurried to the table decorated with scarlet and gold. She slid into place beside Scott August, who had been Sorted before her. For the rest of the Sorting she did her best to ignore the furious glares she could feel aimed her way from her sister's table.

Marlene McKinnon, Arabella Figg and Frank Longbottom were also all Sorted into Gryffindor, to her pleasure. The Hall seemed to suck in a breath when Sirius Black was called directly after her, but he swaggered up and was placed immediately in Slytherin. As he walked past her on his way to his new table he shot her a glance, as if to say that she had no idea what she was missing.

Lily also discovered the names of her cousin's new friends – the boys who had shared his boat with him. James Potter was a tall, rail-thin youth with wild black curls and hazel eyes, from a distinguished pureblood family. Next was Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, both brunets. All of them were placed in Slytherin.

Finally the Sorting came to an end, and the plates filled up with food. Lily dug in hungrily. Beside her, her companions chattered.

"I'm Muggleborn," Arabella said brightly. "I had no clue I was magic until I got the letter – my parents thought it was an April Fools' joke at first!"

They laughed. "I've always known I was a wizard," Frank said. "Couldn't wait to get here. Pass me the potatoes, would you, Lily?"

Lily looked up at him. He was smiling at her with no hint that he was about to denounce her for belonging to a family long steeped in the Dark Arts. With a rush of relief, she did as he had asked.

"Oh, Lily, I wanted to ask you," Arabella said. "Why didn't anyone cheer for you when you got Sorted?"

There was a sudden silence in their corner of the table. Of course Arabella, being Muggleborn, would have no idea of the uproar Lily had just caused by being the first Black ever to not be in Slytherin. Worse, she was in Gryffindor. The two houses were mortal enemies.

Marlene shot Lily a look and jumped in to explain. "It's nothing really. It's just that everyone thought Lily would be in another house since all her sisters were in it."

"And that's where she _should_ be," a voice cut in nastily. Lily turned to look at the pretty brunette girl a few metres away who was currently glaring at her in disgust. Kylie Brown, she remembered.

"I mean," Kylie continued, "everyone knows the Blacks can't be trusted. She'll end up going back to her royal pureblood family and betray all the rest of us –"

"Shut up!" Lily snarled. She was aware of people staring, but every iota of her concentration was focussed on the sneering girl in front of her. She curled her lip.

"You don't know anything about me," Lily said. Her voice was dangerously quiet. "You're so narrow-minded that you don't think a _Black_ could ever think about anything except themselves. Well, you know what? I am a Black, and I'm in Gryffindor, because I belong here. And nobody will tell me that I don't, least of all _you_."

She looked back at her food in clear dismissal. Kylie seemed to be lost for words, gaping at Lily in clear shock. Lily drained her goblet of pumpkin juice and looked expectantly at Marlene.

"You done yet?"

"Nearly," Marlene said. She polished off her plate and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Frank hissed. "Nobody said we could leave!"

"Relax," Lily said. "Marlene and I are just going to wander round the school for a bit."

"But you'll get lost," Arabella pointed out.

"No, we won't. Lily's sister Andromeda drew her a map," Marlene said, as Lily produced it with a flourish. The two of them waved goodbye and ducked into one of the smaller doorways that led off the Hall.

When they had gone Arabella leaned closer to Frank. "What was that all about? Why was she yelling at Lily?"

Frank sighed and prepared to explain. "Well, her family…"

He stopped abruptly. He had just seen two figures stealthily sneak out after Lily and Marlene. Their identities were unmistakeable.

Whatever reason Sirius Black and James Potter had for following the girls out of the Hall, it could not be a good one.

* * *

"This is the corridor to the Potions dungeons," Lily murmured. She was whispering, since the echoes bounced easily around the stone walls and floor of the passageway. Marlene nodded in response.

"The Slytherin common room is down in the dungeons too, isn't it?" she whispered.

"Andy said it's under the lake," Lily replied. The two girls passed over the entrance to the dungeons and carried on. The light from their wands illuminated the piece of parchment with its crude outline of the school.

"Well, if it isn't my dear blood traitor cousin and the half-blood," a voice said. Instantly Lily whirled around, her eyes widening. Sirius Black and James Potter were standing only a few metres away, both of them smirking. She repressed the urge to take a step backwards.

"What are you doing here?" She addressed herself to her cousin, not knowing the other boy apart from a few pureblood functions she had seen him at several years before.

"We could ask you the same question," Sirius said. "This is the way to the _Slytherin_ common room, Lily, or are you already gaining the thickness of your fellow Gryffindors?"

His voice was deceptively calm and even. Lily matched his tone, knowing that in their family soft words were more deadly than a raised voice could ever be.

"What about you, Sirius? Has the cowardice of the Slytherins infected _you_ yet?"

"Self-preservation, not cowardice," he corrected. "Merely displaying that we Slytherins rely on our brains, not brawn. And how do you think our family will react once I write to them about the results of the Sorting?"

Involuntarily Lily winced. Her parents would be beyond furious. Visions of the Howler that would be gracing her soon swam before her eyes, along with the threats of disownment and assorted punishments. Even Andromeda had been in Slytherin! Maybe getting into Gryffindor was a rebellion too far? Sirius saw his advantage and pressed it.

"See, you know I'm right. And if they don't flat-out disinherit you –"

"Enough!"

The voice came from Marlene. Lily blinked and swung around to look at her best friend, who was glaring at Sirius, her eyes narrowed.

"That's _enough_ ," she snapped. "Lily belongs in Gryffindor, alright? She isn't some high-and-mighty blood snob like you, and thank God for that!"

"She's betrayed the family!" Sirius roared.

Lily found her voice. "As if you care," she sneered back. "Really big on family, aren't you, Sirius? That's why I haven't seen your parents in two years…"

His grey eyes burned as he strode closer to her. "Now all everyone will be talking about is how a Black got into bloody Gryffindor!"

"I don't care!" she snapped. Once ignited, her temper had always been formidable, and she stood until they were face-to-face. All she could concentrate on was her roaring anger. Marlene and James Potter – who had still said nothing – had faded into the background, but she was dimly aware that James's eyes were fixed unblinkingly on her.

"I'll do as I damn well please, Sirius, and I'll thank you to keep out of my business!"

"You're a Black, like it or not, so you _are_ my business!"

"WHAT IS GOING ON?"

Lily and Sirius sprang apart. A tall redhaired seventh-year prefect with a Ravenclaw badge was standing beside them, his wand out. The boy who had interrupted the shouting match looked them up and down.

"First-years," he said contemptuously. "Wandered off and got lost, did you?"

"Mind your own business, Prewitt," Sirius said arrogantly. Prewitt narrowed his eyes.

"Five points from Slytherin for disrespect, Black. And make that another five for arguing. As for you," he turned to face Lily, "aren't you that Black girl who just got sorted into Gryffindor?"

She nodded, trying to look as nonchalant as possible.

"Five from Gryffindor too. Now get back to your common rooms." He stalked off, his footsteps clanging on the stone floor.

The four of them waited until he had gone. Then Lily glanced back at Marlene.

"Come on, we'd better go. We start classes tomorrow."

Marlene nodded. Lily took a step forward, trying to skirt around James Potter's side. Something about his silence, and the disconcerting way he watched her, put her on edge; it was uncomfortably reminiscent of a wolf that had stumbled across the path of a rabbit. She didn't want to get any nearer to him than necessary.

She had nearly passed him when a sudden stinging pain shot through her scalp. Lily gasped – more from shock than hurt. One of his fists had shot out to wrap around the long length of her hair, and he had used the handful of red locks to tug her head back, forcing her to look directly into his face. For an endless moment they simply stared at each other. Then he released her, sending her staggering.

Sirius burst into laughter. Immediately Lily whirled back around. The hand holding her wand lifted, a spell on her furious lips, but Sirius eyed her with amusement.

"You thinking about cursing James, cousin? Go on then. Prove to us just how Slytherin you are. Well, what are you waiting for?"

A heartbeat passed. Another. Potter's expression was supremely unconcerned, but his hand hovered near his wand. He clearly had no intention of underestimating her.

Smart boy. But she couldn't, wouldn't, give him the satisfaction of being proved right.

Lily took a deep breath and lowered her wand. "Quick, Marlene," she said tightly. "Let's go, before I do something I'll regret."

"See you soon," Potter said, speaking for the first time. His mouth curved in a mocking curl.

Lily walked off slowly, Marlene by her side, pace forcedly slow.

She felt his eyes boring into her back every step of the way.


	2. Chapter One: Words are Easy, Like the Wind

**_October 1977_ **

" ** _L_** _umos_ ," Lily murmured. The tip of her wand started to glow and she held it aloft, passing it over the crevices of the corridor she was in.

Patrolling was one of the more enjoyable aspects of Head Girl duty. Lily revelled in it, the three hours or so of alone time she got several times a week just to think. Nor was it particularly strenuous. By now she had a solid knowledge of all the secret parts to Hogwarts most students didn't know about, and all the shortcuts significantly reduced the time it took her to get to lessons.

Ah, Head Girl. Almost automatically Lily brushed her fingers over the shiny red badge with 'HG' inscribed upon it gold. She'd wanted to be Head Girl from the moment she'd heard of the position. Now all her hard work and spotless record had paid off.

Next to be patrolled was the Charms corridor, so Lily made a right turn and went down it. So far it had been a quiet night. Classes started tomorrow after half-term, so everyone was either in bed or finishing off last-minute homework.

 _Nearly_ everyone, Lily corrected herself as she heard a very curious – yet sadly, by now recognisable – noise being emitted from a broom cupboard to her right. She rolled her eyes and burst the doors open with a flick of her wand.

"Alright, out!"

The grunting and moans carried on before abruptly ceasing. As her eyes passed over the cupboard's inhabitants, her expression first turned sour then shocked.

"Stebbins! What the hell are you doing in there with _Potter_?"

Rosalie Stebbins and James Potter stumbled out, giggling and righting their robes. Lily snarled under her breath. Trust Potter to be in a broom cupboard, because after all he seemed to live in the bloody things, but _Stebbins_ of all people? She was a meek, gentle Ravenclaw who, it was well known, was saving herself for marriage. At least, she had been – until Potter had gotten hold of her.

Her crowning glory was the plait of glossy crimson curls that roped, snakelike, down the length of her spine.

A burn of hatred started in Lily's chest, as it always did whenever she set eyes on Potter's messy jet-black hair and swaggering smirk. There was no denying he was handsome, but she knew the truth. She knew the monster behind the mask.

It was just unfortunate that nobody else seemed to.

"Quiet, both of you!" Lily ordered.

Potter looked at her. "Good evening, Lily," he said, tone casual. "Nice night for a walk, isn't it?"

"Ten points from Slytherin for being out of bed after hours," she growled, ignoring his words. "Ten from Ravenclaw for the same reason."

"That's hardly fair," he said calmly. While she was sure that her anger could be read in the flickering depths of her eyes, his face gave nothing away. He had mastered the Black mask even better than she had.

"I mean," he carried on, "not that _you'd_ understand, but we're actually having fun here. A concept you seem unable to grasp. Maybe you'd like to watch us and learn some tips?"

As if it was her cue, Stebbins grabbed him around the neck and pulled him down for a sloppy kiss. Lily aimed her wand.

" _Aguamenti_!"

A jet of water shot out, soaking both of them. She watched in satisfaction as they spluttered.

"Black!" Stebbins said furiously. "What did you do that for?"

"Because you were ignoring the Head Girl," Lily responded, although the real reason was far more twisted and complex than she would ever be prepared to examine.

Potter took his glasses off and wiped them. _Not so perfect now, are you_? Lily thought with a cruel smile. He took a step towards her.

"Lily, you little –"

"Twenty points from Slytherin," she interrupted coolly. Her voice betrayed none of the glee she felt internally at ruffling him. "Now leave before I make it fifty."

He glared at her, the amber glitter of his eyes promising painful retribution. She simply sneered at him. Once she might have been scared, but she was older now, and nothing he could do or say would ever bring her down to that level again.

"Toddle along then," she said condescendingly. Potter's jaw worked as though he were struggling to bite back a retort. Then he strode off down the corridor, Stebbins struggling to keep up behind him as he left.

The moment she was sure he had gone, Lily exhaled loudly and sagged against the wall. Confrontations with Potter always left her feeling tired, like all the strength had been sapped from her – something that didn't even happen when she faced down her dear cousin Sirius. For the millionth time she was grateful Remus Lupin had been made Head Boy. True, he was a Marauder, but as she had discovered, he was willing to overlook their differences in private to work with her. He was good-looking too, with sandy brown hair and a cheerful smile, though his face was permanently shadowed with tiredness. If it weren't for his House and the company he kept she might even have developed a crush on him.

Once Lily had recovered she carried on her way. The rest of the patrol passed without incident. At a quarter to midnight she glanced at the luminous face of her watch and decided it was time for bed.

Lily started the trek back to Gryffindor tower. The castle was completely silent, everyone safely in their beds at this hour… except her. She sped up, eager to get back to her warm dorm and four-poster bed situated conveniently between Marlene and Arabella, but her path was abruptly arrested when she rounded a corner and found herself staring into the lamp-like yellow eyes of Mrs Norris.

The cat hissed.

"It's alright, Mrs Norris," Lily told her affectionately. "It's just me, on patrol." Argus Filch's cat had been an occasional companion as she patrolled, and unlike the majority of the student body, she actually liked it. Probably that was because she had no misdeeds it had turned her in for.

Mrs Norris hissed again. Lily frowned as she saw that it was crouched by a statue of some crone. She walked closer to it.

"What's wrong?"

The witch statue's single stone eye seemed to glare blindly at her. Lily's skin tingled as she peered at it, wondering what was so special. Maybe there were students hidden behind it? She walked all around the statue but found nothing.

"Sorry, Mrs Norris," she told the watching cat with a shrug. "Nothing there." She glanced back at the one-eyed witch as she left, unable to shake the feeling that someone was watching from the shadows.

* * *

"Venomous Tentacula," Lily offered the portrait of the Fat Lady.

She shook her head. "Better luck next time."

"Devil's Snare," Lily tried.

The corpulent portrait yawned.

She stamped her foot, irritated. "But I'm Head Girl! You know me, I've been in Gryffindor for the last six years!"

"Sorry," the Fat Lady said unapologetically. "But that's the rule. No entrance unless you have the password."

"Well, as Head Girl, I _order_ you –"

"Lily!"

The portrait swung open. Lily breathed a sigh of relief as she saw Marlene climb through, wrapped in a fluffy white dressing gown.

"Marlene!" she exclaimed. "Thank God you're here! She won't let me in!"

"Oh, it's mandrake root," Marlene said. "I've been waiting up for you, there's something that's arrived for you."

Lily followed her into the common room. At this late hour it was deserted, the fire burning in the hearth playing over empty armchairs and tables. She sank into one of the sofas with a tired sigh.

"Met Potter?" Marlene guessed sympathetically. She knew the signs.

"Yes," Lily said without opening her eyes. "With Rosalie Stebbins, can you believe it?"

Marlene snorted. "So much for her vow of chastity… But anyway, while you were off guarding Hogwarts, Morrigan brought _this_ for you."

Lily's curiosity was piqued. She looked at what _this_ was.

It was a scroll, tied with a length of black ribbon, and that alone told her who it was from. She reached out and read the first letter she had received from her family since Andromeda Black had eloped with a Muggleborn by the uncouth name of Edward Tonks two weeks ago.

_Dear Lily,_

_I hope you are well. am writing to you to invite you to the wedding of Lucius and I in the capacity of bridesmaid. It will be held next Saturday at Malfoy Manor. I trust you will be able to come._

_Before you arrive, I must warn you: Andromeda has been blasted off the family tree, and as such you, Bella, and I no longer have a sister by that name. This is to be your reply if you are asked questions about it. Mother and Father were very angry with her betrayal. With you being in Gryffindor, they may doubt your innate loyalty to the House of Black and our cause, so be prepared. Do not let us down. I will see you at Malfoy Manor next week._

_From your loving sister Narcissa Black, soon to be Narcissa Malfoy_

Lily finished reading the letter and rubbed her eyes.

"Well?" Marlene said expectantly. She had been reading at the same time, chin balanced on Lily's shoulder.

"Well what?"

"Are you going to go?" she persisted.

Lily heaved a shuddering groan. "I don't know, Marlene. On the one hand, I love my sisters, for all their faults. And I know they love me. But… but they're _Blacks_ , for God's sake. You know their views on Muggleborns as well as I do!"

She stood up and began to pace agitatedly. "I mean, I've never considered myself to be all that much a part of the family. I don't believe in the supremacy of purebloods or that all other lines deserve to be wiped out. You know that! But now Andy's been disowned, we're not even allowed to mention her name. Cissy and Bella think I'm like them. Like our parents. Like Sirius."

Lily stared into the fire.

"But I'm not. Not at heart."

Her sisters were much older than her – ranging from Bellatrix, nine years above her, to Narcissa, at five years. She had always been cosseted by them. True, she didn't see them much anymore now that all but she were married, and none of her sisters were particularly diligent letter-writers, but the bond remained.

And yet. And yet look at how effectively Andromeda had been cut from the family tree, merely for falling in love. She would never be able to tell them her true feelings on blood supremacy, not if she wanted to remain a Black sister, safe in the inner circle.

Marlene rose to rub her back comfortingly. "I think you should go," she said unexpectedly. Lily stared at her.

"What? But you of all people should know what they're like."

"I do," Marlene said. "But they're still your sisters, and you love them. Go. Be a bridesmaid."

She chewed her lip. "I'll have to go and ask Dumbledore for special permission to leave for the weekend. Then I'll have to ask Lupin to take over all Head duties, just for those two days. Then a present…"

"Send your acceptance back first," Marlene laughed, passing her a quill. Lily scrawled out a note acknowledging what Narcissa had said about Andromeda and stating that she would be delighted to go. She tied it to one of Morrigan's talons. Her owl, a birthday gift from Bellatrix, pecked at her affectionately, before it spread its wings and flew out into the star-speckled night.

Marlene yawned.

"Time for bed," Lily said, yawning as well. "We have lessons tomorrow."

"A return to the seven am alarm," Marlene muttered. The two girls climbed the winding staircase to the girl's dormitories and hurriedly got ready for bed. As she slipped between the warmed sheets a thought occurred to Lily that made her sit bolt upright in bed.

"Marlene!"

The reply was sleepy. "Mm?"

"Sirius will be there," Lily whispered fiercely. "Cissy can't not invite him. Which means… _Potter_ will be too."

Her heart leapt in her breast with sick rage. She hated seeing him. Hated it, hated it -

There was silence from Marlene's bed. Then:

"Oh, shit. I didn't think of that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took liberties with the date of Andromeda's elopement, which certainly happened prior to 1977, as Tonks was born in 1973. Oh well.


	3. Chapter Two: Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

" **A** n O, Miss Black! But then again, hardly unexpected, is it?"

Lily smiled modestly at her Potions professor, Horace Slughorn, as he handed the class back their essays on the effects of Felix Felicis. The 'O' was inscribed on the front in bright green ink.

She twisted around in her chair to survey the room. Two rows back, Sirius was scowling at his paper, no doubt annoyed at her far more superior mark. But what gave her real satisfaction was the inscrutable expression on James Potter's face. That meant she'd gotten better than him, didn't it? If he'd gotten an Outstanding too, there was no way he'd sit quiet as Slughorn lavished her with praise.

Lily settled back into her seat. Life was good. She'd splashed Potter with water last night, Arabella was in the chair beside her, and she was still top of the class. She only wished she'd had a camera with her to snap his expression as he got a soaking.

"Pay attention, Lily," Arabella whispered, nudging her. Lily sat up and listened. Slughorn was speaking.

"…one month to complete it. You'll be paired with the person alphabetically beside you in the register. Remember, this constitutes sixty percent of your end-of-year mark!"

"What's going on?" Lily hissed. "What's he talking about?"

"Potions project," Arabella replied out of the corner of her mouth.

Lily experienced a sinking feeling in her stomach as she replayed the words _paired with the person alphabetically beside you in the register_. Why did things like this always seem to happen to her?

"Off you go!" Slughorn boomed. There was screeching as students got up and started setting up cauldrons. Lily stayed in her seat for several more seconds before standing up with a sigh.

It could be worse, she knew. She could have been paired with Potter, who was safely partnered with Henry Partington. But her cousin Sirius was almost as bad. He had his head up now and was watching her drag her feet to him with amusement clear in his gaze. She wanted to claw that smirk off his face.

"Lily, my darling blood-traitor cousin," he greeted.

"Sirius," she replied shortly. "You can go get the ingredients while I set the cauldron up."

He bounded up gracefully and over to the ingredients cupboard. She had wondered if he would argue with her order, but the relationship they shared was different to hers and Potter's; Sirius preferred to showcase his disdain with drawling half-compliments and contemptuous gallantry instead of biting insults. Lily almost preferred Sirius' method. Since the day of the Sorting six years ago they had never got into a proper row.

 _Whereas_ , Lily thought bitterly, _I had one with Potter not twenty-four hours ago_.

Sirius returned with all the necessary parts of the potion in his arms. By this time Lily had a fire roaring under the pewter cauldron and was stirring it as per the instructions on the board. They were making the Erumpent Potion, an extremely volatile concoction liable to explode if brewed incorrectly, and Lily triple-checked the steps to ensure everything was proceeding well.

She and Sirius kept their exchanges short and restricted to ones absolutely necessary.

"Pass me that knife."

"It says crushed belladonna next."

"Don't forget to stir three times quarter-clockwise before the seven times anti-clockwise."

By the time half the lesson had gone Lily had almost let herself relax. If she had been working with Potter, she thought, no doubt she would have pushed him face-first into the potion by now. Maybe working with Sirius wasn't as bad as she had thought it would be.

Naturally that was the moment things started to go wrong.

"Listen up, class!" Slughorn called through the haze of green steam permeating the classroom. "I will now be taking the instructions off the board, since in your NEWTs you'll have to list them from memory!"

Lily had a fairly good memory. She was confident that they could finish this potion, even without the guidelines, but just as she was about to add powdered Erumpent horn Sirius grabbed her wrist and jerked it back.

"What are you doing?" he snarled. "It's unicorn _hair_ , not horn!"

"Get your hands off me," she said coldly. Without waiting for him to do so she pulled it out of his grasp herself. "And it is Erumpent horn, you imbecile. I've read the instructions."

"So have I," he countered. "And it said hair."

Not willing to engage in a lengthy discussion about this, Lily turned back to the potion in clear dismissal. She was just about to add the powder again when a hand snaked past her and dropped a slender silver thread into the cauldron.

The results were instantaneous.

 _Bang_!

Lily dropped to the floor and curled into a ball. Over her head she felt a rush of hot air as the cauldron exploded outward, the addition of the wrong ingredient igniting the mixture. All around her she heard screams and clangs as the potion made short work of the dungeon.

" _Sirius and Delilah Black_!" Slughorn roared. His usually affable demeanour had been reduced to shreds, along with his expensive waistcoat. Lily was not the only one fighting a smile as she stood up and took in his distinctly ruffled appearance.

"You're supposed to be my best student, Miss Black!" he shouted. "And you, Mr Black! I assume you were the one who added the wrong ingredient?"

Lily glanced around. It was a scene of pure destruction, with cauldrons upended, students splattered with unidentifiable things, and a multicoloured brew spreading over the stone floor. When she looked down at herself she saw that there were holes in her robes.

Sirius had fared no better. His hair stuck up so wildly it was almost as bad as Potter's, and there was a smear of red on his forehead. To Lily's delight she saw it was a squashed beetle. God, now she really _did_ wish she had a camera.

"Yes, professor," Sirius said tonelessly. "I added unicorn hair."

"You're extremely lucky I've decided this isn't a stupid Marauder prank, Mr Black," Slughorn said sternly. "You can be sure Professor Dumbledore will hear of this. And Professor McGonagall too, as your Head of House," he added to Lily. She cringed.

"Now you two go off to the Hospital Wing," Slughorn said. "But mark my words, you _will_ get detention for this!"

Lily paled. "Detention?"

"Yes, Miss Black. Detention. Now, to the Hospital Wing!"

She bit her tongue to prevent a rant on how it had been Sirius who had added the unicorn hair, not her, so why the hell was _she_ being punished for it too? And her record had been so perfect! She kept her bottom lip clamped tightly under her incisors the whole terse walk to the Hospital Wing, so that she wouldn't break out and scream at Sirius. She was Head Girl! Didn't that count for anything? Wasn't her word worth more than a boy who was in detention every other week and hung out with James Potter, whose family was notorious for being high in the graces of You-Know-Who? Granted, her family was too, but she was in Gryffindor! She was different! There was a reason they called her the White Sheep: she was the odd Black out!

The half-coherent babble of rage repeated in her mind until they reached the Hospital Wing. Sirius took it upon himself to stride ahead and call out, "Madam Pomfrey!"

The plump young woman bustled out from her office. She stopped short at the sight of them.

"Goodness gracious, whatever happened to you?"

He smiled charmingly. "A tiny incident in Potions, Poppy. We're fine really. Just got sent here to make sure."

"Oh, you poor dear," she cooed. Lily felt a familiar pulse of irritation. Why was it that all the Marauders had to do was turn on their million-watt smiles to have everyone falling at their feet? Even the teachers seemed to be ignoring the dark rumours of torture and other unsavoury activities that surrounded the kings of Slytherin House.

Well, rumours to everyone else. Lily was under no illusions as to the limits of her family or the Potters. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were much less dangerous, but hardly better than the rest of their House.

She stood still as Madam Pomfrey gave Sirius a Pepper-up Potion and pronounced him free to leave. The same happened to her. She exited the Hospital Wing with her ears ringing and found Marlene and Arabella waiting for her.

"Lily!" Marlene exclaimed. "Are you alright?"

Lily smiled reassuringly. "I'm fine. Really. But I have detention, can you believe it? And it's all Sirius' fault!"

Arabella snapped her fingers. "Speaking of which, McGonagall told me to give you this. It has details of your detention."

Lily unfurled the piece of parchment.

_Miss Black,_

_Arrive at the Great Hall tonight at eight p.m. You will be cleaning all the trophies in the Trophy Room without magic. Tomorrow, be there at the same time and place, as Filch will inform you of the details of your other detentions then. Thirty points have been taken from Gryffindor. You have detention all week._

_Professor McGonagall_

Lily crushed the parchment in her fist, feeling sick. She had never lost her house a single point, and now she had lost thirty. It was even worse that she was Head Girl. She was meant to be the one person Gryffindor could rely on.

Marlene saw Lily's anger and wrapped an arm around her. "I have some news that will cheer you up," she chirped.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Sirius Black has detention for the week too. But he's lost Slytherin fifty points and," she paused for effect, "he has to spend tonight gutting tarantulas without gloves or magic!"

Lily burst into laughter, both at the image her mind conjured for her and relief that she would not be sharing her detention with him. Feeling far better – as it had been Marlene's intention to make her – she set off to her next lesson with a new spring in her step.

* * *

"Black," Filch said, looking her up and down critically. "In here."

He shuffled off. Lily waved slightly at Mrs Norris and followed the caretaker into the Trophy Room, which led off the Great Hall. The only illumination came from a handful of candles floating in mid-air, which cast a flickering yellow light over the dusty glass cases and dully gleaming shields.

"You'll stay here until all of these are spick and span, is that clear? Whole night if necessary."

Lily nodded. She had a feeling Filch was behaving rather nicely to her, since her Head duties meant she did in fact often perform the same job as him. Marlene had described a detention she had once had with Filch and it had apparently included threats of whipping. He was being positively nice to her in comparison.

"The other one should be along soon," Filch said. "I'll be here till he comes, but then I'll leave you to it."

She narrowed her eyes. "What? I'm not meant to be having detention with Sirius. He's gutting spiders with Professor Slughorn in the dungeons."

"Not your cousin, Black," Filch said with a shake of his head. "Someone else was assigned detention with me just this evening. He's late," he said disapprovingly.

Lily frantically ran through a list of frequent offenders in her head. There were two names at the very top, and if Sirius was out of the running then that left –

James Potter sauntered into the Trophy Room as though he owned it. "What did I miss?"

His gaze arrowed at her instantly. It always found her instantly; not once, in six years, had she ever been able to hide from him. A slow, predatory smile twisted his lips and bared his teeth.

Lily took a deep breath.


	4. Chapter Three: A Villain with a Smiling Cheek

" **N** o!" Lily hissed, her voice low and vicious. "Mr Filch, sir, you can't _possibly_ leave me here with this – with this –"

"Toerag?" Potter offered. She ignored him.

"Based on his previous record of failure to complete detentions, I really don't think he should be left unsupervised!"

"He won't be left unsupervised," Filch said, somewhat irritably. "He'll be with you, won't he?"

Lily didn't need Potter's smirk to tell her that she hardly counted as supervision. "But really, Mr Filch, it's hardly fair…"

She trailed off when she realised that he wasn't even listening. "Fine," she said abruptly. "You can leave now, _sir_." She said the last word dripping with so much contempt that she saw Potter grin delightedly out of the corner of her eye. He was enjoying this, the bastard. Perhaps he'd even gotten himself detention with her because he'd known she'd be here; she put nothing past him.

With one last glower at them, Filch left her to her fate. Even Mrs Norris had abandoned her. Traitor.

"Right, Potter," Lily said brusquely. "I'm assuming you don't want to be here with me any more than I do, so keep your mouth shut and work hard so we can get out of here faster. You do that side over there. I'll do this one." Without looking at him once, she made her way to an array of sponges laid out beside two buckets of soapy water.

Lily felt him the moment he moved to stand behind her. His breath was hot on the back of her neck: she had bundled her hair into a loose knot, exposing the delicate patch of skin, and the tiny hairs on it stood up straight in warning. Potter's fingers brushed it gently. His touch was light as feathers and burned like ice. She stiffened.

"Really, Lily," he murmured into her ear. "What makes you think I _don't_ want to be here with you?" He chuckled, low and silky. "Look at you, giving me orders, like you expect me to obey…"

Every muscle in Lily's body was tense. She didn't know why she didn't simply turn in the cage of his arms and hex him to infinity, but she didn't want to touch him. Not any more than she already was.

"I'm Head Girl, which is exactly why you should obey," she snapped back.

Potter laughed. The sound rang, bell-bright, through the empty room. "So much faith you have in that badge," he mocked. "Do you know what, my darling Lily? You might be Head Girl, but I don't... give... a _shit."_

His words were the impetus she needed to struggle against his closeness. Lily twisted around so it would be easier to push him off, then immediately regretted it. They were now face-to-face. His hazel eyes drilled into her green ones, and she noted absently that gold flecks shimmered in them, trapped in the amber of his irises. A part of her had already known that. They had been this close before, once. Years ago. The memory of it still haunted her.

Potter's head inched closer to hers. Lily's eyes widened in alarm and she tried to back away, but he was faster than her. One hand came up to hold her trembling head in place. His lips were almost over hers when –

" _Aguamenti!"_

Lily screamed in shock as water suddenly exploded over the front of her robes. Potter roared with laughter.

"Your face, Lily! My God, that was _beautiful_. Revenge is sweet, isn't it?" Still snickering, he tipped her a salute, took a sponge and bucket of water, and went off to the other side of the room.

Lily felt fury bubble up in her. But this time, it was mixed with shame – shame that he'd gotten her so easily, shame that he'd nearly kissed her and most of all… shame that she'd been about to let him. She hadn't _wanted_ to let him: her body had simply been frozen, like a rabbit caught within the paws of some great hunting cat.

She scrubbed viciously at a plaque celebrating Tom Riddle. God, what was _wrong_ with her? She despised Potter. She wasn't like Rosalie Stebbins or those other girls who couldn't see past the dark good looks and overinflated head. She knew about the real monstrosity inside James Potter – had known since that night at the end of fifth year – and still she had let herself be caught neatly in his web.

Well, never again. Lily snuck a look at him. He was kneeling, sponging the bottom of a glass case. The muscles of his arm bunched and flexed as he moved it. The sight filled her with a desire to dismember him, so she quickly moved her eyes back to her own work.

Her hand subconsciously tightened around her wand in the pocket of her robes. Why shouldn't she use it on him? He certainly deserved it. She only wanted to hex him a little bit. Well, admittedly she wanted to hex him to kingdom come, but the point was, she wouldn't act on it. She had self-control. Unlike him.

Lily blinked and came back to herself with a start. What was she thinking? She didn't need to be using her wand on anyone, she chastised herself. She was better than that.

But it was so _tempting_ …

Her eyelids drooped slightly as she imagined what she could do to Potter. His back was turned, and no self-respecting Gryffindor should have taken advantage of that, but she wasn't just a Gryffindor. She was also a Black, and this was too perfect an opportunity to let it slip out of her grasp.

Lily made a decision. James Potter needed to go down, and now was just the time to do it.

" _Rictusempra_!"

The spell hit him directly between the shoulder blades. He jerked violently then curled into a ball, laughing uncontrollably at the Tickling Charm. Lily giggled as she watched him. But she had underestimated him: still lurching from side to side, he managed to extract his wand and spit out between his teeth, " _Stupefy_!"

She reacted instinctively. " _Protego_!"

The Stunning Spell's jet of red light rebounded off her Shield Charm. Lily cringed as it shattered the glass of a display case. The clatter of several heavy trophies toppling to the floor was sure to attract attention.

"Lily!" snarled Potter, who had managed to end the Tickling Charm. "Look what you've done!"

"Me?" she asked in disbelief. "You dare accuse _me_ of being the cause of all this?"

"Who cursed me from the back?"

"Who pretended to kiss me just for revenge?" she countered.

Suddenly, Potter stopped looked angry and smirked. "Are you upset I didn't actually do it?"

"Why on earth would I want your filthy lips anywhere near mine? God knows where they've been," she said, a little too quickly.

He saw it and pounced. "Really, Lily? So if I were to do _this_ …"

He tried to approach her, but Lily's wand was aimed at him before he could take more than a step in her direction.

"You stay right where you are, Potter, or you'll be in the Hospital Wing for the rest of seventh year," she said warningly.

He held up his hands in a sarcastic gesture of surrender. "Alright, I won't go near you if you don't think you can control yourself around me. But there'll be other opportunities, Lily. Maybe I'll do something to get detention with you tomorrow... _again._ "

Her eyes flashed. She'd suspected from the start that he'd gotten himself here deliberately, and something electric raced through her veins at the confirmation. It wasn't enough that he'd ruined her, a year and a half ago; he wanted the chance to do it again.

She wasn't going to give it to him.

"If you do that," Lily said, cold and clear, "I'll curse you right here where you stand."

Potter's lips quirked up in a sinfully crooked grin. She clenched her teeth.

"Wait till Sirius hears about this," he said teasingly. "He'll be so pleased his little cousin is finally showing signs of her long-suppressed Black blood. He was starting to think you were adopted."

Lily opened her mouth to launch into a spiel on how her Black blood _wasn't_ suppressed, and anyway, that _one_ tiny, miniscule piece of revenge did not qualify her to be placed in Slytherin. Then she stopped dead, head tilting to the side. Potter tensed. He had heard it too.

Someone was coming, their footsteps echoing through the Great Hall outside.

Lily closed her eyes. This was it. Her life was over. Not only did she have week-long detention, but now she'd probably be expelled or something for breaking the glass and fooling around while she was meant to be hard at work. The thought made her reopen her eyes. She at least wanted to see the look on Potter's face.

He had vanished.

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion. Where was he? Suddenly a hand closed over her upper arm in a vice-like grip and dragged her backwards. She opened her mouth to cry out.

"It's me!" Potter hissed. "Be quiet!"

There was a ripple around her, and Lily felt the oddest sensation. It felt like she was wrapped in fabric, but she could see into the Trophy Room as if through a pane of thick glass, or perhaps a square of shimmering water, suspended in mid-air. She had no further time to dwell on it, for at that moment her Herbology teacher burst in.

"What's going on?"

Professor Sprout stopped short at the broken display case and buckets on the floor. Her eyes scanned the room and Lily prepared herself for discovery, but amazingly Sprout passed her with nothing more than a cursory glance. The teacher backed slowly out of the room, frowning.

Only then did Lily realise that her heart was pounding furiously and _she was pressed up against James Potter_. The moment she became aware of it, she bared her teeth and pulled away.

"What on earth _was_ that?" she said in a sibilant whisper.

"Invisibility Cloak," he replied shortly. She drew in an awed breath. She'd heard of them. They were rare, and hard to come by, but would certainly explain how the Marauders had managed to get away with so much over the years.

"Let's get the Trophy Room finished," Potter said. "Sprout might come back any minute. And Lily, I'm warning you… you'd better not tell anyone about the Cloak."

She hadn't thought about it yet, but she shrugged easily. "Sure," she said. Surreptitiously, she crossed her fingers behind her back. 

They finished the rest of the detention in silence. For the next three hours they spent there, Lily constantly returned to one thought: Why had James Potter taken her under his Invisibility Cloak when he could have just left her out to be caught by Sprout?


	5. Chapter Four: The Moon's an Arrant Thief

**U** gh," Lily groaned unintelligibly. "Food."

Arabella eyed her warily. "Are you _sure_ you're alright, Lily?"

Lily was slumped onto the table, deep purple shadows ringing her closed eyes. She pointed at a dish of shepherd's pie some way off and gestured wordlessly for someone to give it to her.

Marlene spooned some onto her plate. "Lily, seriously. First you were up most of Sunday night patrolling, then you were up past midnight yesterday doing detention. How did that go, by the way?"

Lily thought back to their exchanged hexes and narrow escape from Sprout. "Fine," she said with a sigh. "Dandy. As perfect as possible when there's someone like Potter in the world." She reached blindly for a spoon, missed, and swore when her hand knocked over a goblet of pumpkin juice.

Marlene watched the growing orange stain with concern. "No, Lily, really. I think you need to go the Hospital Wing. You'll break something, carrying on like this."

Lily opened one eye to spear Marlene with her piercing green gaze. Then she resumed her efforts to eat lunch without actually seeing it.

"One thing," she said. "Can you tell me if Potter's there?"

Marlene twisted round in her seat to check. Over at the Slytherin table the Marauders sat in their usual seats, laughing loudly with the select circle of people permitted to sit beside them. Unsurprisingly, most of them had known family members who were Death Eaters.

"Potter's there," Marlene reported to Lily, "but Lupin isn't. You reckon he's ill or something again?"

"Probably," Lily said. She had the sudden urge to see if Potter looked as bad as she felt, and mustered the energy to raise her head. She scanned the Slytherins. There – lounging by Sirius, arrogance painted in every line of his lithely muscled body. She was struck by how similar he looked to her cousin. They both had black hair, though Potter's looked like he had never heard of a comb, and while Potter came off as being more charismatic, Sirius exuded more elegance.

Lily's fist tightened around her spoon handle at the thought of Potter's legions of adoring fans, and she shoved some more pie in her mouth. She knew better. The anger seemed to wake her up a little, and Marlene looked more relieved as Lily sat up straighter – at least until she keeled forward into her plate.

"Lily!"

Arabella grabbed her shoulder and shook her. Lily blinked owlishly, groaning.

"I don't… feel so good…"

Marlene pressed the back of her hand to Lily's forehead. It was burning hot.

"You get up right now, Lily, and get to the Hospital Wing," she ordered. "You're running a fever!"

Lily's head was pounding in time to an internal drum and the Great Hall seemed to be made up of vague colours and shapes. This time she didn't protest, standing up and waiting for the room to stop spinning before trying to set off. Arabella rose as well to escort her.

"I'll bring your bag back to the dorm for you!" Marlene called.

Lily leaned heavily on Arabella as she stumbled out of the Hall. In the past 48 hours she had had no more than a handful of hours' sleep, and it showed. Neither of them spoke as Arabella gently guided her into the Hospital Wing and called for Madam Pomfrey.

"Again?" the matronly young woman said disapprovingly. "Really, Miss Black!"

Lily made a beeline for the nearest bed and collapsed on it, not having the strength to answer. Her eyelids slid shut. When someone tried to pull her into a sitting position she moaned, trying to push them away, but they were persistent, whoever it was. Eventually she downed the drink being placed at her mouth and sprawled back down on the bed.

Lily slept.

* * *

When her eyes opened, she squinted for a few moments at the unfamiliar glaring white light before remembering where she was.

"Hey, Black."

Lily relaxed when she recognised the friendly voice. She rolled her body to the side and smiled at the person in the bed beside her.

"Hey, Lupin."

Her eyes widened in shock when she saw him. Remus Lupin looked… exhausted. And that was an understatement. The bruises under his eyes were ten times worse than the ones she'd had that morning, and tiredness lined every premature wrinkle on his face. Nevertheless he managed a smile at her.

"Pomfrey says you had a temperature. Feeling better now?"

"Yes, thank you," she said. Her headache had cleared up and she felt fresh. Rejuvenated, even. Lily swung herself upright and looked at him critically.

"What about you, Lupin? You look like death warmed over. What's wrong?"

He grinned a little at her blunt description but the amusement faded quickly. "Nothing's wrong. Just feeling a bit ill. Must be the weather."

"Right," Lily said doubtfully. If it had been anyone else she couldn't have cared less, but she considered Remus Lupin to be the only decent Slytherin out of the multitudes she had met. Plus, he was Head Boy. A thought occurred to her.

"I take it you aren't going to be there for Prefects meeting tonight then?"

He tried to sit up but flopped back with a groan. "No, I'll be here all night. Send my apologies."

"I will." Lily watched him for a few moments, her mind working. This wasn't the first time Lupin had taken a few days off school. In fact, she'd been noticing it since the start of September, and it was now the beginning of November. She spoke suddenly.

"How's your mother?"

He flinched. "What?"

"Your mother," Lily repeated. "Wasn't she ill last month? Roundabout this time, too?"

"Oh, yes," he said. "Yes. Thankfully she's fine now. Maybe I caught this from her."

"Maybe," she said. Her suspicions were still there, but she decided it wasn't of immediate importance and filed it away for later. "So, do you know what the time is?"

"Lessons have just finished. I heard the bell," he said.

She nodded and slipped off the bed. "See you around, Lupin. Get well soon."

"Thanks, Black," Lupin said as she walked away.

* * *

Lily made her way to the Gryffindor common room. She had a few hours to kill before the Prefects' meeting started, and she might as well do her homework. She climbed in through the portrait hole.

"Lily!"

Lily gasped and staggered to the side as Marlene flew at her and wrapped her arms around her neck.

"Calm down!" she said laughingly. "Do you want to strangle me?"

Marlene drew back, smiling. "I missed you," she sang. "I had to write _my own notes_ in Arithmancy, can you believe it?"

"Oh, the horror," Lily said dryly. "One day I won't be there for you to copy off me, and then you'll be really stuck."

Marlene waved a hand dismissively as she booted a third-year out of the armchair nearest to the fire. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Since you're you, I'm guessing you want your homework?"

"Please," Lily said. "By the way, where's Frank?"

Marlene and Frank Longbottom had started dating late last year, and they were the most adorable couple she had ever seen. She had had her reservations about the relationship at first: Frank had spent years worshipping Marlene from afar, while she flitted from boy to boy, charming and restless. But things seemed to have been going alright since he'd finally plucked up the courage to ask her out. He'd been oddly absent over the last few days, now that she thought about it.

"Something to do with Quidditch," Marlene said over her shoulder as she ascended the staircase to the girls' dorms. "Apparently it's a really busy part of the training season."

Frank happened to be Quidditch Captain, and a damned fine one he was too, Lily thought with a sudden rush of vindictiveness. True, the Slytherin team – which happened to feature both Potter and her cousin – had beaten Gryffindor in their last match, but it had only been by ten points. That was nothing. It certainly had nothing to do with the so-called skill of Potter, who had been the Slytherin Quidditch Captain since sixth year.

When Marlene brought back the foot-high pile of parchment that was her homework, Lily dived right in, immersing herself in Goblin Wars and Cheering Charms and a variety of Runes. She only looked up when the grandfather clock in the common room announced that it was almost six o'clock. It being nearly winter, the sky outside was already dark.

"Prefects' meeting," Lily told Marlene and Arabella. They waved her off without setting aside their own work.

Lily pulled her black cloak tightly around her as she headed down the draughty corridors. The meeting was being held in an old Transfiguration classroom; she pushed open the door, instantly being accosted by a wave of warmth, and greeted the people inside.

"Hi, Lily!"

"Good to see you, Black!"

She smiled around at everyone. She was a popular enough Head Girl, as well known for her sense of justice as her temper, and even the Slytherins never put up too much of a fight against her – though she knew that had more to do with her family ties than her skills as a Head Girl. They respected Sirius, and nobody wanted her to call in Narcissa or – God forbid – Bellatrix.

She wouldn't have done anyway, but _they_ didn't need to know that.

Lily started the meeting with the usual counting of House points (Gryffindor: 240, Slytherin: 310, Hufflepuff: 190 and Ravenclaw: 205). They cycled through all the other issues brought up by various Prefects and finally, at half past seven, Lily stood up.

"Anything else?"

"No," said Emma Vanity, the fifth-year Slytherin prefect. Lily nodded and gathered a sheaf of papers together. These were the prefects' written reports, and half would go to Lupin to be checked over while the other half was for her.

"In that case, off you go. Remember, same time same place next week!"

They chorused goodbyes and trooped out. Once they had gone Lily remembered her detention and groaned. There was still another half an hour to go.

She decided to return to the common room, where Marlene and Arabella would still be working. As she did, she made a detour to check the noticeboard for the next Hogsmeade visit. She stopped short when she saw who was standing there.

"Frank? What are you doing?"

Marlene's boyfriend turned around from where he was standing, pinning a poster to the board. "Oh, hello, Lily," he said. "Prefects' meeting?"

She read the poster over his shoulder. "Mm. So, you're looking for a new Seeker?"

Instantly Frank launched into a rant. "Yes, because that _absolute bloody git_ Corner had to go and _contract effing Scrofungulus_ which _won't be healed for six months_ and now he's left us without a Seeker, which is quite possibly the most important person on the team!"

Lily backed away, laughing. "Wow, Frank. It isn't his fault, remember. I'm sure he doesn't want to have Scrofungulus either. When are the try-outs, anyway?"

"Half-past eight, tonight," Frank grumbled. "Only time I've managed to book the pitch." Suddenly he froze, looking her up and down, an awed expression on his face. Lily began to feel uncomfortable.

"Um, Frank? I don't think Marlene would appreciate you eyeing up other girls," she said, only half-jokingly. He shook himself.

"No, I mean yes, but – Lily, you'd be a great Seeker!"

She raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Me?"

"Yes!" he said emphatically, nodding. "I've seen you play two-a-side over the summer, you aren't half bad on a broomstick. Must be your genes – Sirius is by all accounts one of the best Beaters Slytherin have ever had. And with your build, you'd be perfect for a Seeker!"

She shrugged. "I'll take your word for it."

"No, Lily. Promise me you'll come to try-outs?"

"Sorry, Frank. I can't. I have detention at eight."

"Fuck detention!" he snapped. Lily blinked in shock. He clearly felt strongly about this, if mild-mannered Frank was swearing. "If you go and tell McGonagall it's for Quidditch, she'll let you off the hook. She didn't like us losing our last match any more than we did, and she knows us having a Seeker is absolutely vital."

Despite herself, Lily began to feel interested. She'd always liked the feeling of riding a broomstick, though it wasn't her life, and it was true what he'd said about genes. Narcissa did not play, but Andromeda had been a Chaser – she guiltily quashed that thought as soon as she had it – and Bellatrix had been the only female Beater in Slytherin history. Maybe it _was_ time to see what she could do.

"Alright, I'll talk to McGonagall," she acquiesced.

Frank grinned widely. "Yes! Quick, go now! Remember, at half eight on the pitch. Do you have a broomstick?"

She shook her head. "I'll borrow Arabella's for now. If I get in I'll write to my parents for my own."

"Good girl," Frank said. He walked away, whistling cheerfully.

Lily heaved a breath, though she wasn't truly irritated, and started walking towards McGonagall's office. Her steps slowed as she came across a sight enough to make anyone spew up their dinner.

_Really, why is it always me?_

A flash of ivory skin and raven hair. Her heart jerked painfully, but it wasn't who she'd thought it was; it was her cousin Sirius who had the girl up against the wall several feet away. He was kissing her so hard she thought he might possibly be trying to suck her insides out through her mouth. Lily's nose wrinkled in disgust at the thought.

Well, as Head Girl, it was her duty to break them up. She briefly considered spraying them both with water, but dismissed it. That was an old tactic. Maybe the Tap-Dancing Curse?

"I never thought you'd be a voyeur, Lily-my-lily. Seems there are still depths to you I haven't… _plumbed_ … yet."

Lily jumped. Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. While she'd been contemplating various methods of unsticking Sirius and the girl, James Potter had snuck up on her out of the darkness, watching her with lazy amusement. His arms were folded across his lean chest.

"You can let Sirius know that he's costing you all thirty points from Slytherin," she said curtly. Potter's words were wind, were air, were nothing: she scrubbed them viciously from her hearing and memory. He had said nothing she needed to confront. "I've only just done the weekly points tally, and already one of you is losing your House points. Gryffindor's not too far behind, you know."

She prepared to sweep majestically away, but of course he had a retort ready. "Then we'll just have to win more points in Quidditch, won't we? Shouldn't be too hard. It wasn't last time, and you don't even have a Seeker now."

Lily cursed the streak of competitiveness that meant she never could let anyone have the last word, least of all him. The smugness in his voice was far too infuriating to let it pass unchallenged.

"The Seeker try-outs are tonight," she informed him coolly. "No doubt Frank will find someone more than capable."

"Longbottom wouldn't know capability if it danced naked in front of him," Potter said derisively. Lily opened her mouth to defend her friend, but he was not yet done. "He never has before, so why start now? Just look at the state of your team." Then, seemingly casually: "Well, Lily? Are you thinking of trying out?"

Her silence was answer enough, and he laughed. "Fucking hell, you are! This is going to be the funniest thing I've seen all year. I _have_ to come watch this. Can you even ride a broom?"

"Piss off, Potter," Lily barked. She stalked off, but before she had gone very far, he yelled out, "How about a bet? Fifty galleons you don't get in!"

She laughed scathingly. "Fifty galleons? That wouldn't even pay for the new broom handle I'll need once I've finished wiping the floor with you, Potter."

She sped up so she wouldn't hear his reply, but she could hear his laughter reverberating down the passageway.

Lily fumed all the way to McGonagall's office. Now she _really_ had to make the team, or at least do extremely well, if only to prove to Potter that she could ride a broom as well as he could. Never mind that she was trying out for a completely different position to the one he played in. She was determined now, and everyone in her way had better watch out.

Including McGonagall. Lily knocked once and entered, seeing her Head of House look up.

"Yes, Miss Black?"

Lily took a breath. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Professor, but Frank Longbottom's holding Quidditch try-outs to find a new Seeker tonight, and he thinks I would be a good candidate. But I have detention. Could I possibly make up the detention some other time and attend the try-outs?"

She held her breath, praying that Frank was right and McGonagall's House spirit would prevail. McGonagall considered it for a few moments before nodding. "Very well, Miss Black. You may try out for Seeker. And what's more," she smiled faintly at Lily's look of relief, "if you do make it, you'll no longer need to serve the rest of your detentions."

"Thank you, Professor!" Lily said exuberantly. She forced herself to walk sedately out of the office, then ran all the way to the common room to ask Arabella for her broom.

Just what she'd needed: even more incentive to make the team.


	6. Chapter Five: The Game is Up

**L** ily had only ever been truly nervous twice before in her life.

The first had been way back at the beginning of first year, right before the Sorting, when she'd thought she'd lose her friends forever by being placed in Slytherin. The second time had been that incident with James Potter in fifth year.

And now, once again, Lily was nervous.

She took in the several hundred people who sat in the stands with a sense of growing horror. Marlene and Arabella were here because they'd insisted on coming along. She'd thought only maybe a couple of Gryffindors showed up to watch these things. But there were more than just Gryffindors; the other Houses also had a strong interest in who their rivals were going to be.

Lily's nerves didn't improve when she caught sight of Potter sitting with his cronies. He was leaning back, watching the crowd of potential Seekers, hands laced behind his head. She noticed that Sirius and Peter Pettigrew were with him. Lupin was obviously still ill.

"You'll do fine, Lily," Marlene said with a reassuring smile. "There's no need to look so worried!"

Lily managed to paste on a weak smile and walked towards the group of prospective players who were milling around Frank. Her palms were so sweaty they slid slightly down the Cleansweep's handle. She wiped them surreptitiously on her robes.

"Alright everyone, shut up!" Frank bellowed. The stands and Seeker hopefuls fell silent. At normal volume he continued, "I want you to do a lap of the pitch first. This is standard procedure for any Quidditch try-out and it proves you can ride a broom competently. Off you go!"

Lily swung a leg over the broomstick and kicked off. A rush of wind blew her fiery red hair back. She smiled involuntarily, her anxiety dissipating. She could do this, of course she could, why had she ever thought she wouldn't be able to? She wondered why she'd never thought about Quidditch before. Her body liked being on a broomstick. Maybe she wasn't some sort of lethal weapon like Sirius and Potter were, but she could hold her own. Couldn't she?

Lily knew she would _have_ to, both to prove to Potter that she could and to get out of detention. That meant she would have to scope out the competition. About halfway through her lap, she looked over her shoulder to see who else had managed to get this far without falling off.

To her surprise, out of about thirty people who had turned up, at least ten seemed to be having major problems. She rolled her eyes. Why show up if you didn't even know how to ride a broom?

Lily touched down lightly on the ground and hopped off. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, the lap having served as a good warm-up. The others who had also survived landed beside her. Frank nodded approvingly.

"Good, good. You lot have managed to successfully assure me that you won't be falling off your broom before the game's even started. Now this is where it gets harder. Get into pairs."

Lily glanced around for someone to partner with. She caught the eye of a fifth-year boy, who shrugged and moved to stand by her. "Stan," he introduced himself.

"Lily."

"This bit is going to test your hand-eye coordination – that is, your basic ability to catch a ball – and also how well you think about and execute split-second manoeuvres. In the game you'll have to do things before they even enter your head, so you must be prepared to fly everywhere at all times. I'm going to be giving each pair a Quaffle. One of you will throw to the other and count how long it takes for the catcher to fumble. Then you swap. At the end the best people from each pair will be matched against each other. Is that clear?"

There were mumbles of assent. Lily easily caught the big red ball Frank tossed at her. "Here," she said to Stan. "Do you want to catch first, or shall I?"

"I'll do it," he volunteered. She nodded and held onto the ball as they rose into the air. All around the pitch partners were beginning to throw, darting in every direction to catch. She saw the avid expressions on most of the spectators' faces and her nerves returned in a rush.

"Three, two, one, _go_!" Lily said. She drew her arm back and threw, deliberately aiming in such a way that Stan would have to dive low to catch. He raced after it and successfully grabbed it. When he returned the Quaffle to her, Lily threw randomly again.

It continued like this for several minutes, Lily counting time on her watch. Stan was good but she knew beyond a doubt she could be better. Her eye ran critically down him. He sat too far forward, needed to bend his back further to decrease air resistance, braked too hard…

The movement had become so automatic that Lily blinked in surprise when Stan came back slowly, Quaffle in hand.

"I dropped it," he said in response to her questioning look. "It's your turn now. How long did I last?"

She consulted her watch. "Two minutes and five seconds," she said. "Well done, you were really good!"

Stan nodded briefly. "Thanks." Without any warning he threw the Quaffle, and Lily veered sharply to the right to catch it. She lobbed it back, only for it to be thrown again.

Lily quickly lost any shyness or extraneous thoughts that might have been floating around in her head. It was demanding, and she had to focus on the tiny tensing of Stan's arm muscles that gave away which direction he would choose next. Then she would fly wildly after it. Nine times out of ten her fingers only barely grazed the surface of the ball before she put on a burst of speed and wrapped them round it.

And she was loving it.

She loved the exhilaration that ran fiercely through her when she made a particularly daring catch, the way her heart beat furiously and her blood sang. For the first time she considered how people like her cousin and Potter felt when they were up here. No wonder they – Potter especially – were hailed as Quidditch heroes.

Thinking of Potter made her turn instinctively to see him. He was watching her and her alone, but she stopped dead at the expression on his face. What on earth was it? She couldn't read it. Some violent combination of shock, anger, awe, and pride was making his eyes flame in the twilit darkness.

She swallowed. The Quaffle slipped straight through her fingers.

Lily hissed, cursing her momentary lack of concentration, knowing it was too late. She was out. Now she finally allowed herself to relax and take in her surroundings.

Her jaw dropped.

Every eye in the stadium was fixed on her. The people in the stands, her fellow candidates on the ground – they all stared at her. After a moment she realised why. Apart from Stan, she was the only person still on a broomstick.

Everyone else was on the ground.

In a self-conscious daze, she flew closer to Stan. "How long?" she asked quietly.

"Seven minutes and forty-six seconds," he replied in the same tone. Lily's fingers clamped down hard on the broom. She had been up here for _over seven minutes_?

She descended quickly and almost tripped in her haste as she got off. Frank had been staring at her open-mouthed, but he shook himself and cleared his throat.

"How… how long did you last for?"

"Seven forty-six," Lily replied in a near-whisper. The people around her sucked in sharp breaths.

Most of Lily was dying of embarrassment, painfully aware that they were all looking at her in astonished disbelief. But there was a tiny part of her that belonged to the Blacks and revelled in the attention. She usually kept this part on the tightest of leashes, knowing just how sadistic it could be, but at times her control waned.

Now was one of them.

Because that part also lent her confidence, and she straightened her spine and returned the stares haughtily. Her family had arrogance down to an art form. She had never been gladder of that fact.

"Moving on," Frank said, although his voice was still a bit hoarse. "The person who lasted the longest from each pair will go onto the next round. The losers can leave."

Stan nodded at Lily and joined the exodus of people from the pitch. There were about ten people left now. Her nervousness was long gone as she examined her opponents.

Six of them were boys, one a huge hulk of muscles and one wiry-thin. The other boys were somewhere in between. None looked particularly special. Then there were three other girls, apart from herself. She recognised two of them. Jamie Spinnet and Claudia Wilson were both in her year, and she was friendly with them.

"This is the last round," Frank said. "Get into pairs, and then the person with the best previous time out of the two of you will be throw while the other is Keeper."

Jamie made a beeline for Lily and smiled at her. "Hey, Lily! Congratulations on the catching. You did really well!"

Lily smiled back. "Thank you. So, I suppose I'm thrower then?"

Jamie nodded vigorously. "Definitely!"

Amused at her partner's boundless enthusiasm, Lily soared into the air with the Quaffle tucked under her arm. She selected a hoop. Jamie moved to hover in front of it.

Frank's whistle blew, indicating the start of the round, and Lily launched the ball forward. It skimmed Jamie's fingers before she managed to catch it. Lily's eyes narrowed as she realised that this time, simple throwing tactics would not work; she had to try something else.

She backed up, then barrelled toward the hoop, braking abruptly three centimetres from Jamie's nose and flinging out the Quaffle. Jamie shrieked and flinched reflexively. The Quaffle spun through the goal.

It was pure luck that Jamie had picked her, Lily admitted. The girl might have had a better catching time than her previous partner but she either fumbled easy goals or saved astoundingly brilliantly. The problem with her was that her pattern was too erratic. She might be able to save unexpectedly well, but at other times she dropped the Quaffle in unnecessary ways.

Still, she put up a good fight, and Lily found that her opinion of Jamie Spinnet had increased tremendously. When Frank blew the whistle again to signify the end she gave her a rare smile of true approval.

"Alright, the moment of truth," Frank said. His voice was low enough that those in the stands would not be able to hear. "Firth, come tell me how many got past you."

The boy who had been Keeper in his pair went to murmur a number lowly in the Quidditch Captain's ear. This went on until it was Jamie's turn to tell him how many goals Lily had scored.

Lily suddenly felt a return of her butterflies as she watched Jamie walk – almost in slow-motion – towards him. She held her breath.

_Please let me the best, please let me the best..._

It all depended on this, she knew. She had to have more goals than anyone else in the given time or she wouldn't be Seeker.

She _had_ to be Seeker. It had turned personal, this Quidditch thing. Now she wasn't just doing it for Potter or McGonagall; she wanted to know for herself that she was good enough to get in. The great stadium had suddenly turned airless around her. It felt as though she hadn't breathed for several minutes, when in fact it could have been no longer than a few seconds.

Jamie hurried away from Frank and he cleared his throat.

"The person with the best scores, and the Gryffindor Quidditch Team's new Seeker, is Delilah Black!"

The world stopped.

Then it exploded, and Lily could hear Marlene and Arabella screaming incoherently from somewhere in the stands. Jamie squealed, "Oh, well done!"

"I told you that you could do it," Frank said, smiling warmly at Lily, just before a deluge of people swept down on her.

First were her friends, hugging her tightly with massive grins. Then it seemed that every single Gryffindor who had been spectators swamped her with congratulations. She knew they were just pleased that their House had a Seeker again and could potentially win the next match. She _knew_ it, but she still allowed herself to get caught up in the wild happiness that wasn't really about her. Even a few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs clapped her on the back as they passed.

"Party in the common room, now!" Marlene roared in Lily's ear. "Will, you're in charge of drinks!"

It was like an after-game party. Lily wondered how much bigger the celebrations would be if, against all odds, Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup that year and took out their main rivals, the Slytherins. The thought of them caused her to twist her neck and search them out in the crowd.

They walked in a close-knit group, the Marauders at the front. The mass of people seemed to split for them as they passed, like Moses parting the Red Sea. Lily looked directly into James Potter's eyes and smiled, her lips curled up in triumph.

To her surprise, he wasn't scowling. He flashed her back his own glorious grin, sharp and wicked and just a little bit dark. She goggled at it. Why was _he_ so happy?

He had floored her, but she had to regain the upper hand. "So, Potter," she called. "I bet you're glad I didn't take you up on your bet now, aren't you?"

His grin widened, showing the edges of his white teeth. "Don't think you're in the clear yet, Lily-my-lily. You have your first match against Hufflepuff next week. Let's see how well you do then."

"Well done, Lily," Sirius said quietly. Surprised, she switched her glance to him. He was looking at her with an unreadable expression. She nodded in acknowledgement of his words.

"Make sure you live up to the family name," he said. "I'd hate for you to break the great Quidditch skills streak we have, as well as the all-Slytherin one."

Before she could answer – not that she could think of anything to say – he turned and was gone, melting into the crowd with Potter on his tail.

Finally Lily shook herself. There was a party, ostensibly in her honour, being held in the Gryffindor common room, though she knew her House leapt at any chance to throw a celebration with drinks and dancing. Before she went in, she tilted her head back to look up at the sky.

It was a full moon tonight.


	7. Chapter Six: Blood and Revenge are Hammering in My Head

**L** ily's eyes narrowed as she scanned the classroom.

It remained stubbornly empty of Sirius Black.

She couldn't decide whether to be annoyed or relieved. Annoyed, because Sirius was her partner, and this was meant to be a partner project. Relieved because she wasn't quite sure how to treat him after his unexpected words last night. He'd actually been… nice. Sort of. Maybe her cousin wasn't _quite_ as Black as the rest of the family?

But then she remembered that night almost two years ago, and James Potter standing over her with her taste on his lips, and she dismissed the thought. Many of the things that had happened that night had been all Sirius's fault. If he wasn't as bad as the others in their family… it was only because he was worse.

 _You know you can be just as cruel as them, when you want to be,_ a tiny voice pointed out inside her head. Lily ordered the voice to shut it and went up to Slughorn.

"Professor, my partner's not here."

"Yes, Mr Black is absent," Slughorn said ponderously. "You can work with Miss Bones and Miss Byron for today."

Lily nodded and turned to find them. As she did she paused, realising that there was another group of three in the classroom. The Ravenclaw boy, Henry Partington – James Potter's partner – was also working with another pair. She frowned. So Sirius and Potter were both absent? Something about that rang alarm bells inside her brain.

"Lily!"

She snapped out of her ruminations and went to where Amelia and Lucy were waving at her. She liked both of them well enough. They were the next pair along alphabetically and Amelia Bones was clever and law-abiding, a girl after Lily's own heart.

This Potions lesson certainly wouldn't be exploding in her face.

* * *

"It's very strange," Marlene said as Lily dropped down onto the bench beside her.

Lily grunted and reached for some mashed potatoes. "What is?"

"Look. None of the Marauders are there," Marlene pointed. Despite herself Lily looked. It was true. The Slytherin table was more reserved than usual and there was a very noticeable gap where the Marauders usually sat. 

"Potter and Black weren't in Potions this morning this either," Arabella joined in. "They've never missed a lunchtime before. You don't reckon there's… there's something wrong, do you?"

"Serves them right if there is," Lily said tartly. But she remembered her sister's wedding, held in three days' time. She'd already asked Dumbledore for permission to attend. Cissy would be upset if their cousin didn't get to go. Not because she had any major attachment to Sirius, but for the image: it wouldn't look good if the most brilliant scion of the bride's family was absent.

Then again, if Sirius didn't go, Potter would hardly attend himself.

"Marlene, what are you doing?" she asked in alarm as Marlene suddenly got up and started walking.

"To find out," she said over her shoulder. Lily watched in quiet resignation as Marlene tapped Kylie Brown, who was sitting lower down the table. Of course her best friend would have seen that she was worried for Sirius and gone to find out. No, not exactly worried for him, she amended truthfully. Just worried he would ruin Narcissa's big day.

Marlene returned with the exasperated expression one associated with speaking to Brown. "Well, here's the long and short of it," she said. "Apparently, the word on the street is that the Marauders are..." She paused dramatically. " _Asleep_."

Lily blinked. "What?"

"Apparently there was a party of some sort in the Slytherin common room last night. A variety of witnesses testify to having seen them arrive, excluding Lupin. It's the generally accepted consensus that, for once in their lives, their livers couldn't handle the alcohol and they're recuperating in bed," Marlene clarified drily.

Lily's eyes narrowed. That Pettigrew or Lupin would have been laid low by a party, she could have believed. But as for Sirius… well, she'd never had a hangover in her life, and neither had her sisters: Black genes were traditionally held to be a sufficient antidote to alcohol, alongside their myriad other benefits. That her cousin – or Potter either, really – had developed the first hangover of his life, after nearly seven years of secondary school, was absurd. She'd seen them drinking herself often enough...

Abruptly, a horrifying thought occurred to her.

"Marlene – you don't think they threw this party because I got to be Seeker, do you? That they're celebrating how easy it'll be for them to beat us?"

"Of course not," Marlene said comfortingly. "I heard it was for Mulciber's seventeenth birthday."

Lily sighed with relief. "Well, I have my first Quidditch practice tonight, anyway," she said. "At seven. I'm glad McGonagall let me off those detentions."

"That's certainly convenient," Arabella agreed. "Come on now, we have Ancient Runes."

The two girls stood up, waving goodbye at Marlene, who had Care of Magical Creatures. Lily glanced at the Slytherin table as they skirted past.

They all seemed to be immersed in conversation, but she had the uncomfortable feeling that some – if not all – of them had been looking at her.

* * *

"Alright, listen up!" Frank roared. "We aren't a load of girls here, is that clear?" He noticed the glares of the female members of the team and smiled guiltily. "What I meant to say is, we're no carpet for the Hufflepuffs to walk all over. And now we have a new Seeker, who I'm sure will do spectacularly, and when the match rolls round in a couple of days we'll beat them into next week! Is that clear?"

"Crystal," the Quidditch team recited dutifully.

Lily kicked off from the ground for her warm-up lap. She was wearing her official Gryffindor Quidditch team robes for the first time, after Frank had presented them to her last night. She knew that the scarlet material clashed dreadfully with her ponytailed red hair, but it couldn't be helped.

For a moment the thought flashed into her head that the green Slytherin robes would have brought out her emerald eyes wonderfully. She snorted at the thought. When had she become so shallow? With more speed than necessary, she completed her lap and landed hard when she was done.

Frank lugged out the case filled with Quidditch balls. He tossed the Quaffle to Lisa Holmes, Darren Barker and Charles McLaggen, the three Chasers. Will Johnson and Harvey Cole – the Beaters – held tightly onto the struggling Bludgers to stop them escaping. Then it was Lily's turn.

She gazed at the tiny golden ball with reverence.

The Snitch was tiny, half the size of her fist, with a pair of fluttering golden wings. She stroked the cold metal in awe. It was so beautiful, but so _cold_. Far stronger than it looked. She had a flashback to second year, when she had heard Rabastan Lestrange describe her sister Narcissa in much the same way. Cissy was like that; all ethereal beauty without – and a core of steel within. Bellatrix, on the other hand, was as wild and dangerous as she looked. Andromeda had been too, though Lily immediately erased the thought of her banished sister.

"Right, off we go!" Frank ordered. Immediately six broomsticks rose into the air. Not Lily's: as Seeker, the normal parts of the game didn't affect her. She had to concentrate solely on finding the Snitch, which she released and watched fly away jaggedly. It had a two-minute head start.

Two minutes later Lily joined her teammates in the air and started looking for the Snitch.

It was early evening, and with the onset of winter the sky had darkened to a shadowy plum colour. The chief illumination came from the castle's windows, some way off, and the few lampposts dotting the stadium. Lily shivered in the brisk breeze. If only she had thought to wear a jacket over her robes.

She caught sight of a flash of gold and dived to see, but it turned out to be the torchlight reflecting off Darren Barker's glasses. It was so dark that her teammates were little more than hunched red blurs. Lily was careful, navigating around them slowly as they threw the Quaffle to each other and tried to get it past Frank. To make things harder for the Chasers, the Beaters were on the opposing side, so they had Bludgers to dodge too.

None of that had any bearing on Lily's job. The Beaters would protect her from Bludgers and she didn't need to worry about the Quaffle.

After a good twenty minutes, when Lily's entire body was frozen and she was seriously considering conjuring up a pair of gloves, she saw it.

" _Finally_!"

Her fingers closed around the little golden ball, darting around the base of the stands. She let out a triumphant yell. In her elation, however, she forgot to be careful of her surroundings.

_Thwack!_

There was the horrible sound of metal meeting wood, followed by a dull snap. Lily tumbled off her broom and fell the twelve or so metres to the ground.

"Lily!"

The rest of the team landed ungracefully. Frank sprinted over.

"Are you alright?"

"Does it _look_ like I'm alright?" she rasped, made snappy by the excruciating pain in her arm and dull throbbing covering every inch of her body. Frank shook his head.

"We need to get you to the Hospital Wing. Cole, Johnson, get her up."

"No!" Lily hissed. "No Hospital Wing!"

"Yes, Hospital Wing. You had a bad fall, Lily. You need to let Madam Pomfrey see you right away."

"Not going there for third time in the same week," she said stubbornly. Her pride wouldn't allow it. She tried to say something else, but a moan of agony came out instead.

"Cole, Johnson, I said get her up!" Frank growled. "And I'll be having a chat with you boys. It's your duty to protect your Seeker from Bludgers! If this had happened in a game –"

"I can fix her, Captain," a voice interrupted. Frank turned to whoever it was. Lily tried and failed to lift her head.

"My mum's a Healer," Lisa Holmes continued. "I reckon I could do it." She knelt beside Lily. Lisa was tall and thin, with russet hair scraped back into a braid and dark brown eyes. She took out her wand.

"Broken arm?"

"Think so," Lily groaned. She bit back a hiss as Lisa lifted her arm and tapped it with her wand.

They waited. The pain didn't seem to be decreasing. Cole and Johnson edged closer.

"Thank you!" Lily gasped, sitting up suddenly as the ache vanished. A wave of dizziness overcame her, but she ignored it and smiled widely at Lisa. "Thank you so much. I just didn't want to have to go to the Hospital Wing, and I have patrols tonight."

"No problem," Lisa said, helping Lily to her feet.

"Right," Frank said. "Practice is over, people. Same time tomorrow night. Remember, we have a match next week!"

They mumbled an assent and hobbled off to the showers.

* * *

"Shit!"

Lily stopped dead as she heard the hissed expletive that most certainly had not come from her. Slowly, she turned around, her gaze scanning the dark corridor behind her. She saw a flash of white for a moment – just a glimpse of something markedly paler than the shadows that surrounded it – and walked closer.

Coincidence of coincidences, she was by the statue of the one-eyed witch that Mrs Norris had been sitting under in her last patrol.

She could see nothing there. Everything was silent, and she had the oddest feeling that the world itself was holding its breath. She was inclined to brush it off as lack of sleep and continue when she abruptly remembered a crucial fact.

James Potter had an Invisibility Cloak.

Instantly she whirled to face the statue, wand out, and whispered, " _Honumen revelio!_ "

The spell that revealed human presence flared and showed her the vague outline of a group of people, crouched in front of the statue. She strode forward.

"Come out where I can see you, Potter. I know you're there."

Nothing happened for a moment, then there was a shimmer and she saw the four boys straighten up. Sirius rounded on Potter and exploded.

"What the hell, James? How does _she_ know?"

Potter didn't answer, looking at Lily through narrowed hazel eyes. She, meanwhile, was glaring at Remus Lupin.

"Ill, Lupin," she said. "Really? Because you seem perfectly healthy to me. Healthy enough to be gallivanting off with your friends to God knows where, at any rate."

A dull flush spread over his cheeks at the clear disgust in her tone.

"And you meant to be Head Boy," she said. "Well, twenty points from Slytherin, of course. What were you even doing here around this statue?"

There was a silence as they refused to answer. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Alright then, keep your secrets. I don't really care. I'm off."

Just as she turned her back, Potter spoke.

"Not going to rat me out about the Cloak, Lily?"

She looked at his face, wiped so meticulously of anything that hinted at vulnerability, but she had a strange feeling that he was waiting anxiously for her reply. She hesitated as she tried to sort out her own emotions.

"Not this time, Potter," she said at last. "After all, I owe you one for the Sprout thing." She walked off without looking back at him.

As she slid into bed later on, it occurred to her that having James Potter feeling grateful to her was an _incredible_ power rush. She could certainly get used to that.


	8. Chapter Seven: Cakes and Ale

" **I** t's bloody _freezing_ ," Marlene said through chattering teeth as they trudged through the Hogsmeade slush.

Lily grunted in acknowledgement, too cold to bother making more of an answer.

She had a mental list of the shops she wanted to check out; they were here on an urgent mission to buy Narcissa and Lucius a wedding present. It had been pure luck that there was a Hogsmeade visit so close to the date, though she wasn't quite sure exactly what she wanted to get yet. What sort of thing did one give a sister on her wedding day, anyway?

"Here, let's try Honeydukes first," Arabella suggested. So they all trooped in, Frank and the girls sighing in relief as they were greeted with a blast of warm air.

Lily pushed her way through the throng of Hogwarts students to the rack labelled 'Gift Boxes.' Her dismay grew. Chocolate was all well and good, but somehow she didn't think farting spells hidden inside truffles, or tarantula-shaped marshmallows, were suitable wedding presents. Marlene tapped her shoulder and held up a small packet.

"Purple Hair Charm in Caramel Cream," Lily read out. She grimaced at the memory of _that_ particular Marauder prank.

"It took you three days to get the purple dye out, remember?" Marlene reminisced fondly.

"I don't want to remember," Lily said with a scowl. "Come on, let's try Twilfitt and Tattings now for Lucius. This place is rubbish."

Obediently they trailed behind Lily as she marched away from Honeydukes and into the Hogsmeade branch of Twilfitt and Tattings, a small shop selling expensive men's clothing. A curly-haired sales assistant hurried over the moment they entered.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes," Lily said. Her voice had turned remote and haughty. "My name is Delilah Black, and these are my friends. We're here to buy something for my soon-to-be brother-in-law, Lucius Malfoy."

The woman's eyes nearly popped out of her head at the mention of two powerful wizarding names. She nodded eagerly.

"Of course, of course. It was in the papers, I recall – the Malfoy heir and Miss Narcissa Black. You must be very proud that your sister has made such an advantageous match –"

"I said I wanted to buy something, not listen to your drivel," Lily interrupted coldly. Marlene muffled her laughter with a hand, but Lily was conscious of the frowns on Arabella and Frank's faces. She knew they didn't approve of her acting as arrogant as people expected her to be, but sometimes it was necessary, she thought defensively. The simple mention of her name had helped them out of sticky situations in the past. They hadn't complained _then_ , had they?

"Of course, Miss Black," the saleslady said with a blotchy flush. She led Lily toward the back of the shop.

"Now, what were you looking on buying for Mr Malfoy? A suit perhaps, tie, dress robes?"

"Tie," Lily decided. All the other options required her to know his measurements, which she didn't. The saleslady nodded.

"What colour?"

"Black and green," she said. He would appreciate the Malfoy family colours.

The woman ran off and reappeared a few seconds later, holding an emerald silk tie with black threads curling in a lacy pattern along its length.

"Will this do?"

"Perfectly," Lily said. "How much?"

"No cash needed, Miss Black," the shop assistant said. "Your family has a tab here. Mr Sirius is a regular customer."

He would be, Lily thought as she left the shop, carrying a glossy black bag. Now for Narcissa...

H.M. Malkin was large and golden, like many of the products it sold. Her feet sank into the plush red carpet. Marlene, Arabella and Frank settled themselves on the leather sofa while Lily wandered around. She wanted a necklace maybe, or perhaps a bracelet, with matching earrings. She examined the delicate jewellery that lay behind the thick glass walls of the display cabinets. Nothing seemed quite right.

"Good afternoon," Lily said to the man sitting behind the display. "I'd like to have some things custom-made, please."

He produced a pen and clipboard out of nowhere. "No problem. My name is Monsieur Malkin. And who might I have the pleasure of speaking to?"

"Delilah Black," she said. He straightened infinitesimally and started scribbling.

"What type of jewellery would you like to order?"

She hummed in thought. "A silver necklace, I think. With the letter 'N' in emeralds dangling from it, and of course matching earrings. I'll have a silver and emerald bracelet, too."

He coughed delicately. "On the matter of expense…"

"Money is no question. Not for me," she said, her voice dark with steel.

Malkin bowed from the waist up and murmured that of course it wasn't.

"I'll throw in an extra hundred Galleons if I get it in tomorrow morning's post at Hogwarts," Lily added. His eyes bulged. Possibly it was more than double the amount of money that he would have thought to ask, but there was only a couple of days left before the wedding. Time was of the essence.

Lily signed the order form and left the jewellers. "Where do you three want to go now?" she asked.

"How about Madam Puddifoot's?" Marlene said eagerly.

Frank groaned. "God, no, please. I can feel myself losing my masculinity by just _entering_ that place. It's so… pink!"

His girlfriend scowled. "Funny, that's not what you said when you took me there for our first ever date –"

"That's enough," Arabella interjected. "The Three Broomsticks is good enough for all of us, don't you agree?"

Lily did, and after some grumbling the group eventually headed to the pub. It was filled with students trying to escape the biting wind. She exhaled breathily as the warm air caressed her frozen limbs and dropped gracelessly onto a seat.

"I'd quite like a Firewhisky," Frank said, sliding in beside her.

"Then get off your arse and get one yourself," Lily said without looking at him. He scowled.

"I got you your drink last time, you ungrateful hag!"

She rolled her eyes at him but resignedly stood up, acknowledging the truth of his statement.

"So, what does everyone else want?"

"Butterbeer for me," Arabella chirped.

"Same for me," said Marlene.

Lily trudged over to where Rosmerta, the landlady's daughter, stood behind the counter. She was a cheerful, curvy brunette in her early twenties who beamed when she saw Lily approaching.

"Lily, darling! So good to see you again. What'll you be having then?"

"Three Butterbeers and a Firewhisky, please," she said. The pub was crowded, a long line starting to build up behind her. She leaned her elbows on the counter to prevent getting jostled.

Rosmerta handed her the four bottles and Lily thanked her before walking off.

For the rest of her life, Lily would not be able to explain the strange prickling that came over her body just then. She stopped dead – ignoring an oath as the person behind her walked into her – and scanned her surroundings.

James Potter sat watching her.

She had _known_ it was him. Known with an absolute certainty that frightened her, because why on earth should she be so attuned to his presence? He was in a booth only a few metres away, sitting with the rest of the Marauders. She narrowed her eyes when she saw who else was with him.

The pockmarked face was unmistakable. She would have come of her own accord, even if Sirius hadn't stood up and steered her over to their table with one cool, firm hand on her arm.

"Gussie, meet my cousin Delilah," he said cordially.

Augustus Rookwood, one of the followers of the Dark Lord, grinned toothily up at her. "Not Lily Black? Only Gryffindor?"

"The one and only," Potter confirmed. Lily caught his eye and he smirked at her. She pulled out of Sirius' grip.

"I'm having no part of this, whatever it is. Good _bye_."

"Not so fast, Lily-my-lily," Potter said languidly. She heard the hidden warning in his lazy drawl. "Augustus here needs some help. Don't you think it's time you proved your loyalties? Showed us you're nothing like that blood-traitor sister of yours?"

Lily stared straight into his hazel eyes. They were probing, cynical, as heavy-lidded as always, but there was no real malice behind his words. As impossible as it seemed, he didn't _appear_ to be deliberately trying to catch her out.

"I don't have a blood-traitor sister," she said finally, and walked away.

No matter how much she would later wish he had, he didn't try to stop her.


	9. Chapter Eight: One May Smile, and Smile, and Be a Villain

**A** t breakfast on Friday morning, Morrigan brought Lily three letters. The first was from Dumbledore. It was little more than a hastily scrawled note, and it filled her with irritation.

_Dear Miss Black,_

_The Portkey to transport you, Mr Black and Mr Potter to Malfoy Manor will be ready at seven am tomorrow morning. Please arrive at my office a few minutes prior. The password is 'cauldron cakes.'_

_Your eternal servant,_

_Professor Dumbledore_

She'd almost forgotten Sirius and Potter were coming with her; that had been a mistake. Her insides lurched when she read Potter's name. He was a hundred times more dangerous than her cousin. He smiled, and smiled, and mocked her and teased her, and sometimes he saved her, but he had ruined her first.

She had enjoyed having him in her power: she would need to find a way to replicate that situation. But she would always hate James Potter, and a lot of it came from that night almost two years ago, and the things he had done to the girl she had been.

The next missive pleased her. It was a box wrapped in black silk upon which the letters of the jewellers had been discreetly embossed. She slit the slender envelope that accompanied it and scanned the contents quickly. Blah, blah, blah... thank you for patronising H.M. Malkin, have a nice day...

The third letter was the oddest of them all, and Lily didn't know exactly how it made her feel.

It was from Bellatrix Black.

The trademark black ribbon curled around the scroll surprised her. No letters in over two weeks, and then two in quick succession? She flattened the parchment with a bowl of fruit in the corners so she could carry on eating her porridge as she read it. Her eldest sister's looping longhand was printed haphazardly across the surface. That was like Bellatrix – such beautiful writing, presented so messily.

_Lily –_

_I haven't much time right now, and I don't wish to say much in case this falls into the wrong hands. In any case, I shall see you tomorrow at Cissy's wedding. Remember, do not under any circumstances mention Andromeda. I have a piece of advice that I want you to follow: Wear the pendant Father gave you at all times. Do not take it off. Whenever you go outside, even places like Hogsmeade, ensure it is fully visible. Promise me._

_Bella_

"What's wrong?" Marlene asked, seeing Lily frown as she crumpled the letter in her fist. "Who's that from?"

"Bella," she answered.

"And what does it say?"

Lily hesitated. "To wear my Black pendant at all times."

Marlene nodded. The Black pendant was a necklace all women of the family had made for them when they were born; men received a signet ring. Naturally Lily had one, but she hadn't worn it in months. It made her feel slightly uncomfortable when everyone's eyes were automatically drawn to it. Not that it was ostentatious, exactly; it simply exuded its own power, and she knew how dangerous that could be.

And of course, it undeniably signalled out her membership of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.

"Has she told you why she wants you to wear it?" Marlene asked.

Lily shook her head. "No, but I'll write and ask her... _Should_ I actually wear it?"

"Yes," Marlene said simply. "Bellatrix is telling you to, and I understand it's usually a good idea to do as she says." She watched with an inscrutable expression in her blue eyes as Lily took a quill from her pencil case and began a reply.

"Something else," Lily said after she had sent Morrigan off. "I got a note from Dumbledore, and he says I have to be at his office to catch the Portkey at seven tomorrow morning."

"Better set your alarm at six then," Marlene said. "Potter and Sirius will be there, won't they? Do you want me to come and see you off?"

"There's no need," Lily said. "Don't worry, you have a lie-in. It'll be the weekend, after all."

They stood up to go to lessons. They had their first period together, Defence Against the Dark Arts, but Lily instead pushed her bag into Marlene's hands.

"You go ahead," she said. "I'm going to run up quickly and get my pendant, like Bella said."

Marlene nodded and carried on to the classroom, carrying both of their bags. Meanwhile Lily flew up the stairs in Gryffindor Tower into the empty dorms. With a flick of her wand all the neatly folded clothes inside her trunk rose, depositing themselves on her bed. She leaned over the side to look.

Yes, there it was. Lily reached down and drew out the small black box. It was plain and unadorned, opening with a simple metal clasp. She gazed down into its contents.

The pendant sat resplendent on its white velvet bed. It consisted of a large, burnished gold disc hanging from slender golden chains; on the disc was stamped the Black coat-of-arms and its motto.

 _Toujours pur._ Always pure.

Lily cinched the necklace around her neck, the disc resting just above the valley between her breasts. A cool haze settled over her. It was so strong she could almost feel it: the rush of icy self-awareness, a harsher tilt to her thoughts. She tried to shake it away. Of course one of the side effects of wearing a Black pendant was to unconsciously act more like a Black, but Lily was determined. She would fight it.

Of course she could. She was the one in Gryffindor, wasn't she?

* * *

"Look!"

Lily jumped and looked up from her pile of homework. Marlene had fallen in through the portrait hole, her eyes wild. She leapt to her feet at once.

"What's wrong?"

Marlene thrust a piece of paper at her. Lily took it and saw that it was the evening copy of the _Daily Prophet_. Her eyes widened in horror when she saw the front page.

"No," she whispered, sinking into her armchair.

_MINISTRY CONFIRMS ROOKWOOD RESPONSIBLE_

_Harold Minchum, Minister of Magic, has just officially confirmed that Ministry employee Augustus Rookwood, 25, is behind the murders of a school of Muggle children and Mr and Mrs Bones. Mr Bones was a respected employee of the Goblin Liaisons Office. His daughter Amelia and son Edgar are students at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

_"But he couldn't have done it himself," a senior Ministry official confides. "We know he had to have had help, only we don't know who."_

_The death toll comes to 765 Muggles and 2 wizards. It is being passed off as a gas explosion._

There was a bitter taste in Lily's mouth. She set the paper down, gazing unseeingly into the fire. Hundreds of Muggles and two wizards... she had partnered Amelia Bones in that lesson where Sirius and Potter had been absent.

Potter. A terrible fury rose up in her, burning away all rational thought. She had been lying to herself: he had never exactly physically _hurt_ her, not even on that night in fifth year, and so she had forgotten that he was more than capable of it. That he was Sirius's best friend for a reason, and his family was renowned for their Dark and bloody history. It had been far too easy to convince herself that – just because he had never technically _injIured_ her – everyone else was as safe from him as she inexplicably seemed to be.

Nothing could have been further from the truth. She should have known that, better than anyone else alive.

Lily remembered how she had seen him in the Three Broomsticks with Rookwood. Sirius had asked for her help...

The faint ray of surprise she felt infuriated her. Why was she even surprised? In Sirius's case, their family would probably commend him. And James's father, Fleamont Potter, was a well-known member of the Dark Lord's inner circle.

But they'd gone too far.

Lily ignored Marlene as she strode to the portrait hole and vaulted through. It was nearly curfew; the corridors were deserted. She was numb inside, numb because she knew that soon she would ignite and nothing in heaven or hell would stop her. Unconsciously, she reached up to rub her fingers against the golden disc on her chest. Its heaviness was a comforting – even familiar – weight.

Without giving herself time to second-guess her decision, Lily stopped in front of what was apparently a blank wall in the dungeons. She knew better. It was the entrance to the Slytherin common room, and the password was easy. It really was very predictable. She cycled through a list of common passwords before she hit upon the right one.

"Salazar!" she hissed at it.

The wall slid silently to the side. She glided through, her blood burning slowly in her veins. The firelight danced off the stone walls of the dungeon and lit up a flurry of movement as the handful of people inside looked up at her. Their eyes widened comically in shock.

Her maternal cousin, blond-haired Evan Rosier, broke the silence first. "What the hell are _you_ doing in here?" He pushed himself off an armchair and walked closer. "This isn't your common room, Gryffindor. And how did you even know the password?"

She ignored his questions. "Where are Potter and Sirius?" Her voice was low and vicious; it was only with great effort she stopped it from trembling and betraying her.

Rosier laughed. "Seen the _Prophet_ , have you?" Before she could answer he jerked his head. "Lupin's over there, and he'd know."

Lily said no word of thanks as she brushed past him in the direction he had indicated. She knew they were currently muttering behind her, wondering what she would do, shocked at her sudden invasion. How many times had a Gryffindor come into the Slytherin common room? It was against the rules. She smiled grimly, knowing she did not care.

"Lupin."

Lupin had been curled up in a dark corner of the room, head buried in a book. He paled when he saw her. "Black –"

"Where are Potter and Sirius?" she repeated coldly. She was surprised to find that she was disappointed in him. Not angry, as she was with her cousin and Potter. Even if she was furious with them, she couldn't say it was unexpected. Lupin, on the other hand...

She'd actually _liked_ him.

"Black, you have to understand, I have no power over them. I can't control them and they rarely listen to me –"

She was in no mood to listen to a half-arsed apology or worse still, an excuse. "Potter and Sirius, Lupin. Now."

"Sirius – I don't know where he is. James..."

The way he trailed off gave him away. Lily pivoted around, already knowing who she would face.

"Potter," she said. A blank statement.

"Lily dearest," he replied. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

She was vaguely aware of Lupin melting away into the shadows, but she was distracted by the fact that Potter's eyes had immediately drifted down to her pendant... and then a little lower, to where the curve of her breasts pressed against her robes. Something hungry flared in his dilating pupils. She had seen that expression before, and it had not boded well for her. He had seen something he wanted – then he had taken it, revelling in the destruction he had left behind.

Lily's tone was ice. "My eyes are up here, Potter."

"Oh, I know," he said, meeting her gaze with sudden amusement. He took a step toward her. It took everything she had to not take a corresponding step back. He looked so _wild_ here, in his natural habitat, a raw, primal energy rolling off him in waves. His black hair was tousled, as though he had been running his hand through it in agitation, but every muscle of his lean body was relaxed.

She knew better than to show weakness. Weakness, to a Slytherin like him, was as blood to a shark.

Lily remembered her reason for coming in the first place and tight anxiety in her stomach faded away. "How could you?" she hissed. "Innocent children, Potter! I thought even you would have limits –"

He sighed heavily. "I might have known that's what you'd be here for. Look, Lily, have you ever considered that maybe, sometimes, people don't have a choice?"

She looked at him in disbelief. "Don't have a choice? Everyone has a choice!"

"You're many things, Lily, but I never took you for an idiot," he said. Incredibly, he seemed almost to be disappointed in her. "You hide behind Bella and Cissy, and now Lucius Malfoy, safe in the knowledge that they wouldn't let anyone lay a finger on you… and then you lecture the rest of us on _choices._ As though you could understand, for a single moment, what it's like not to have any _._ To have expectations of you, and duties, and responsibilities –"

He broke off midsentence, as though he had said more than he had intended to. "The point is," he continued roughly, "There are some things I simply have to do."

Lily's mouth was dry. It was impossible to even know where to begin on the ridiculous things he had said. She didn't hide behind anyone! And how could anyone think she did not understand the concept of _expectations?_

"My family expected me to be in Slytherin," she snarled. "And I wasn't, and you know exactly what I went through for it. So don't you dare tell me I couldn't possibly understand what you're going through!"

" _Your_ family," he said deliberately," have never been quite as high in the Dark Lord's favour as the Potters."

Her sisters and cousins would have considered that a grievous insult. Lily's eyes narrowed. "Your point?"

Potter abruptly changed tack. "Alright, Lily," he purred. "Since you care so much, why didn't _you_ stop him?"

She gaped. "I beg your pardon?"

"You could have taken him up on his offer in the Three Broomsticks," he said carelessly. "Then maybe, all those little Muggles wouldn't have died. The question is, why didn't you? Because you were too scared of Rookwood. So before you go pointing fingers..."

"I was not scared!" Lily spluttered. But what he had said had hit too close to home. Guilt and self-doubt rose up within her in a toxic wave, gnawing at her insides. And he could sense it, Slytherin that he was; his smirk told her what she already knew. The battle was over, and he had won.

 _But there's still the war_ , she thought viciously and turned to go. As the wall slid back he called, "See you tomorrow, Lily!"

Of course, the wedding. Lily sighed tiredly. She'd die happy if she never had to see James Potter again, but that wasn't the case, so the million-Galleon question was: how would she survive most of a weekend in his presence without murdering him?


	10. Chapter Nine: Many a Good Hanging

**T** he alarm went off. Lily rolled over, groaning when memories of the night before assaulted her senses. Damn Potter. Damn him, straight to the bloody fires of hell –

She poked one toe out gingerly out of the blanket. Almost immediately she withdrew it, shuddering. Waking up in winter was horrific. It was six a.m., and the sun had yet to rise. She cursed her lack of foresight in not having placed a dre['ssing gown at the foot of her bed last night.

Well, this was going to be like pulling a splinter out: the faster it was done, the less pain it involved. Lily staggered out of bed and grabbed her wand from the bedside table.

" _Accio_ dressing gown!"

The folded, fluffy white garment zoomed out of her trunk. She snatched it out of the air. Marlene and Arabella were still asleep, so Lily took Marlene's pair of bunny slippers and shuffled to the bathroom.

A shower with the water dial turned to the hottest possible setting did wonders to wake her up. She dried her long scarlet waves with an incantation. No doubt it would be properly styled once she got to Malfoy Manor, so she left it as it was and pulled on her robes as quickly as possible.

Lily walked to the Great Hall for breakfast. The steaming plates of food were all ready, but nobody was up at this hour. She was the sole occupant. As she nursed a mug of hot chocolate, she wondered if Potter and Sirius had already eaten or were yet to come. She suspected the latter.

Ah, Potter. Lily twitched in discomfort at the multitude of emotions his name called up within her. She hated him, she knew she did, and what he had done to her that night was unforgivable. The passing years had only made him crueller. His role in what Rookwood had done made that clear.

And yet... She recalled the curious expression on his face as he had said s _ometimes, people don't have a choice_. Maybe he had a point. She knew Fleamont Potter, had met him on several occasions, and he was even more charismatic, manipulative, and ruthless than his son. That was saying something.

But James Potter's father hadn't forced him to do what he'd done two years ago. That particular bit of sadism had been all him… and Sirius had played his part too, though she tried not to think about that bit. Lily bit into a croissant to combat the faint nausea as a white-hot memory flashed into being.

_"Lily?" Potter said, swinging around to face her. Somehow, he had sensed her coming, though her steps had been soundless on the grass. In one glance he took in her raised wand and open mouth. He was faster than she was._

"Stupefy!"

"Expelliarmus!"

_Her wand flew out of her grasp, and he caught it one-handed. Lily sucked in a breath. No, no, that wasn't supposed to happen –_

_He tossed it into the air and caught it again. "I wonder what brings you here tonight," he said conversationally._

_She spoke to distract him, eyes all the time on the stick of wood he kept throwing up and catching, showing off his Quidditch reflexes with glib confidence._

_"I know what you're planning to do," she said. "And I'm not going to let it happen. In fact –"_

_She struck, throwing herself at him, trying to snatch her wand out of the air. He wrapped his arms around her waist and let her momentum force them into a pirouette, laughing wildly. His body was hard and warm against hers._

_"Lily, Lily, you shouldn't have done that," he said, shaking his head. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to…_ Incarcerous!"

_She screeched in fury as ropes burst out of the tip of his wand and crisscrossed over her wrists, binding them closely. The more she struggled, the tighter they grew. She slumped onto the ground, panting._

_"Let me go, Potter!"_

_He looked down at her, his head tipped to the side. "No," he said. The words were deliberate. A little surprised. "No, I really don't think I will."_

_At sixteen years old, James Potter was arrogant and handsome, and he walked like he owned the entire world. But darkness was bleeding into his face as he watched her; a feral light grew to glitter in his stare. Fear bolted through Lily. Whatever mask of charming urbanity he usually wore had deserted him tonight, and the monster beneath it looked out through his eyes._

_"What are you going to do with her?"_

_Sirius had slipped over to stand beside him. His pitiless gaze swept over her as she lay at Potter's feet. "She wasn't meant to be here," he added, when Potter said nothing but merely continued to watch her, eyes black with hunger._

_Lily bared her teeth in a useless show of defiance._

_"Nobody knows she's here," Sirius went on thoughtfully._

_Slowly, the boy who wore Potter's skin smiled._

She shook away her thoughts with a sip of scalding chocolate and stood up. What had happened, had happened. There was no need to dwell on it. The girl who had died that night hadn't been her; that was all she needed to worry about.

Lily didn't know why she was thinking of that night on today, of all days. She usually tried to keep it buried in the farthest reaches of her brain, but her mood was odd and mercurial. Her long white fingers unconsciously came up to play with the Black pendant, as had become an easy habit over the past day.

There was still half an hour before she was due at Dumbledore's office. She went back to the dorm, moving slowly, her mind forcedly fixed on lighter things. But James Potter's cruel, striking face still hovered on her heels.

* * *

"Cauldron cakes," Lily told the gargoyle.

It squinted at her suspiciously, then allowed her through. She knocked on Dumbledore's door, tongue flicking out to moisten suddenly dry lips.

"Come in," he called. She did so. A duffle bag was hitched over her shoulder, boots silent on the thick carpet as she glided over to where Dumbledore was seated behind his desk.

"Good morning, Miss Black," he said cordially. "Please have a seat. Mr Potter and Mr Black have yet to arrive, although, unless I am much mistaken..."

He cocked his head to the side. Sure enough, there was a rap at the door, and in what Lily considered an example of the heights of rudeness, it was shoved open before the professor could answer.

Sirius entered first. His raven hair gleamed in the candlelight, eyes more silver than grey. A backpack was slung over one shoulder. Potter came in next, and before Lily could look away, she took in his sleepily bored expression and dishevelled locks. Her mouth went dry. Hastily, she focussed on a corner of the desk.

"Good morning, boys," Dumbledore said. "This is the Portkey." He indicated a brilliant golden feather on his desk. Most probably it had come from Fawkes, Lily thought, glancing around for the phoenix.

"It will take you to Malfoy Manor. On Sunday morning at nine am promptly it will return you to my office, so remember not to be late. Ah, here it comes now..."

The feather had begun to glow white-blue. Lily stretched out a finger to touch it, shifting so that Sirius and Potter could fit on too. She noticed that they were careful to keep a distance between them.

Her navel jerked, and they were off.

Lily had travelled by Portkey before. She despised it, preferring Floo powder, but had to admit that in some ways it had distinct advantages. An invisible force had glued her fingertip to the feather to prevent her falling off. Plus, the journey was brief, lasting for only a few seconds. As her feet found purchase on the ground she stumbled sideways into a hard body.

"Get off, Potter," Lily snapped automatically. Her voice was low and harsh.

He pulled away without commenting that she was the one who had knocked into him. Turning, Lily blinked away her dizziness. They were in one of the sitting rooms of Malfoy Manor; a fire burned in the grate and the curtains were pulled to reveal the slowly lightening sky. Fawkes's feather lay on the floor.

"Good to see you again," a voice said.

She jumped. In her perusal of the room, she had missed the person sitting in an armchair in front of them. Rabastan Lestrange was a few years older than her, with overlong black hair that hung in his equally dark eyes. He was the spitting image of his older brother Rodolphus, Bellatrix's husband.

Lily had always liked him. She smiled, noting that he had directed his comment to her. "You too, Rabastan," she said. "Is everything ready for the big day? How's my sister?"

"Cissy's had about ten mental breakdowns since she woke up the same number of minutes ago," he replied, rolling his eyes. "You wouldn't think to look at her that she could be so dramatic, would you? Lucius is better at hiding his anxiety, but I'm sure he's a little nervous too." Rabastan stood. "Hello, James, Sirius. Haven't seen you two in quite some time."

"You know how it is," Sirius said airily. "So much to do, so little time..."

"I hear that congratulations are in order," he said. "Rodolphus tells me you two were the masterminds behind the Rookwood incident."

He said it so casually, and the smile froze on Lily's face. Had she always been this blind to what had been going on around her, or had they merely stopped trying to hide it? It seemed to be nothing to them – the murder of Muggles, of Muggle _children._ Yet Rabastan was so kind to her. She knew what a good person he could be. How could she reconcile that with the man who spoke easily of such cruelty?

Her mood had soured, or maybe it had never been all that good to begin with, and she coughed loudly. "Nice as all this is, can we get a move on? I want to see Cissy now."

"Of course," Rabastan said, winking at her. "Right this way."

He led them away, and Lily could not shake her feeling of unease as the painted grey eyes of Lucius's ancestors followed her out of the room.

* * *

"Lily!" Bellatrix said exultantly, crushing her younger sister to her bosom. "Look how tall you are!"

Bella had never been one to do things by half, Lily reflected as she laughingly tried to wriggle away. Either she was joyous or heartbroken, raging or sobbing. That was the curse of the Blacks; they only ever came in two moulds. Half of them were like Lily and Narcissa, detached and impervious, their tempers burning cold instead of hot. The other half were like Bellatrix and Sirius, who swung from one extreme to the other. She wondered if there had ever been a Black who could express emotions normally. She doubted it.

"You need to eat more," Bellatrix said critically. "I always did say Durmstrang had better food, but Father point-blank refused to send us there –"

"I'm fine, Bella," Lily assured her. The two of them were standing in the sumptuous bedroom Lily had been given for the duration of her stay. Bellatrix was currently winding her red hair into an elaborate set of braids.

"Cissy wanted to see you, but I said not until I'd done your hair," she confided. "She isn't allowed to see Lucius, of course, so she's been a little anxious."

Lily hummed. "How's Rodolphus?"

"He's fine, he's with Lucius right now. There, all done!"

Lily looked into the gilt-edged mirror. Two curls had been allowed to spring free to frame her oval face, with the rest of the braids swept up to the top of her head and pinned in place with a large green diamond. She smiled and got to her feet.

"What now?"

"We have to go and see Mother and Cissy," Bellatrix said. Her eyes flashed down and she added almost abruptly, "I'm glad to see you've taken my advice."

With a start, Lily remembered the questions she had had for her eldest sister. "Bella, what did you mean in your letter? You said I should wear my pendant at all times –"

"Not here," she hissed. Her voice was low and urgent. "It can't be spoken of now, it's not safe. I promise I'll explain in greater detail later. Alright?"

"Fine," Lily said reluctantly. "Let's go."

Druella Black, née Rosier, was sitting majestically on the bed as her youngest and eldest daughters entered Narcissa's bedroom. She had Veela roots that had been passed down to Narcissa, but her sharp almond-shaped eyes were the blue of an evening sky. She looked up as they came in.

"Delilah," she greeted crisply.

Lily straightened her back and clasped her hands together. She was always acting a little bit when she was around her family, but it was most pronounced when she was with her exquisitely polite, vehemently anti-Muggle parents. She loved them, and she knew they loved her, but Black standards were high, and she had already failed to meet so many of them.

"Mother," she said. "You're looking well."

Druella raised a silvery-blonde eyebrow. "As are you, Delilah. How's school?"

She knew where this was leading. "Good, Mother. I'm getting Os in nearly all my subjects."

"How are Sirius and James? Still up to mischief?"

For incomprehensible reasons, Lily's mother adored the only Potter heir. She hid her scowl. "Yes, they are. But their friend Lupin is Head Boy this year."

Druella sniffed elegantly. "Lupin? Hmm. The rumours I've heard about Lyall's wife… well. Let us not dwell on it. What about you, Delilah? I suppose you're still hanging around that McKinnon girl and the Longbottom boy?"

The contempt in her words was impossible to miss. Lily sighed. She had known Marlene, whose father was a half-blood and mother a Muggleborn, for nearly thirteen years, but her mother still insisted on referring to her as 'that McKinnon girl.' At least Frank was part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. "They're both fine," she said.

"I hear Gryffindor's lost the Quidditch Cup to Slytherin for nearly a decade now," said Druella slyly. "Your House is hardly doing well, is it?"

"I'm Gryffindor Seeker now," Lily said. "So maybe we'll be getting better, if I'm anything like Sirius."

She saw her mother's surprise before it was hastily hidden and felt a stab of triumph. It took a lot to crack the Black mask Druella had managed to cultivate after her marriage.

"That reminds me," Lily said. "Could I have a broom, please? A Nimbus 1700, maybe?"

Druella nodded. "I'll speak to your father. We'll send it over next week."

That marked the end of their exchange. Narcissa spoke up, something she had known better than to do while her mother conversed with her sister; she had been hovering impatiently by the doorway, still dressed in her nightgown.

"Well done, Lily," she said. "I'm sure you'll gain your House lots of points. Come here, we need to fit you with your bridesmaid's dress." She floated over to the wardrobe and pulled out a hanger. Attached to it was a long, silky black dress with trailing lace sleeves. For the next few hours she allowed her sisters and a whole range of professional people to fit the dress to her, cover her face with makeup, redo her hair (Bellatrix looked furious) and perform a variety of other activities.

After that, she handed her wrapped wedding presents to their mother, who spirited the parcels away.

"Can I go now?" Lily asked, struggling not to yawn.

Narcissa was busy having her eyelids painted glittery green. "Of course," she said. "Go and explore the house, if you'd like. Or if you're hungry, ask Rabastan to show you to the kitchens. The house-elves will make you something."

Lily nodded and made her escape.

* * *

From an aesthetic perspective at least, the wedding had been a success; Narcissa had been resplendent in a floor-length white dress edged with black lace, twining along the hem in a pattern as twisted as it was beautiful. Her hair fell almost to her waist in a sheet of white-blonde silk. Beside her, Lucius looked remote and powerful, but his eyes burned whenever they landed on his new wife, and Lily had had to look away at the blazing passion of their first marital kiss.

They would be leaving for their honeymoon in a few hours. Right now the guests were talking, laughing, drinking and eating in the expansive manor grounds. A few couples were spinning around the hedges to a tune struck up by the orchestra. Bellatrix and Rodolphus were among them.

Lily nibbled at a prawn taken from the tray of a passing house-elf. She was bored. She didn't like the champagne, and wasn't about to go for any of the harder drinks, although she had seen both Sirius and Potter guzzling down some beer.

Potter… well. It would have been fair to say that dress robes suited him. The deep black of the material was stark against the porcelain whiteness of his skin, setting off his sharply angled cheekbones and darkening his eyes to gold. She had not been able to look at him for more than a moment before a tidal wave of irritation had swamped her.

She tapped one of her high heels against the floor.

"Dance with me, cousin dear?"

Lily shook herself out of her reverie. Sirius was standing in front of her, one hand outstretched, draped in dress robes the precise silvery blue-grey of his eyes. His words rang with mockery. A _no_ was on the tip of her tongue, but then she caught sight of her mother's glare, and sighed.

"Very well then."

She stood up. He led them both onto the dance floor. Potter was sitting at one of the tables, talking to a blonde witch in a red dress, and Lily quashed the strange feeling that clawed at her when she saw him touch her arm. What was _wrong_ with her today?

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen such a perfect example of hypocrisy."

Lily tore her gaze away and lifted her eyes to Sirius. "Whatever do you mean?"

The scorn on his face was unmistakeable. "No, really, it stuns me. You do everything in your power to let everyone know that you aren't like the rest of us blood purist Slytherins, and then when it suits you, you take up our mantle. Your slyness honestly impresses me. Clearly you were Sorted into the wrong House."

Lily still didn't know what he meant, but the fact that he was disgusted did not escape her. Her grip on him tightened. They had all but ceased to dance now. Instead they were leaning closer to each other, words hissed lowly.

"Are you talking about the pendant? Because it tells everyone I'm a Black?"

"I guess you aren't totally as stupid as you look," he said offhandedly.

Her anger flared. "You don't know what you're talking about. I'm only wearing it because Bella told me to! Unlike _you_ , I have a good relationship with my siblings."

Throwing in the fact that Sirius and Regulus were like cats and dogs was admittedly a low blow. His lips thinned, but he managed to get out a taunting laugh. "You're so clueless, my darling cousin. How adorable. It's all or nothing: either you're with us, or you're against us." His hands on her waist were harsh, biting painfully into her flesh. "You can't have it both ways, Lily. Hiding behind our name while you preach tolerance for the Muggles… Soon the time will come when you'll have to make your choice. Be sure to make the right one."

She dug her nails into his skin. "Explain, Sirius, how honouring my sister's wishes makes me a hypocrite."

"She didn't want you to know," he said thoughtfully, "but I think I'll tell you all the same. Then you won't have any excuse. You see, Lily, your beloved Bellatrix is one 0f the Dark Lord's most faithful servants. She's done things that make what James and I did look like child's play. She's planning something big to appease _him_ , and she wants you protected. That's why she told you to wear the pendant."

He released her and stepped back. "Well, Lily? Knowing that, are you going to be showing everyone what a little fraud you are, or are you going to make a name for your own?"

Lily could only stare blankly at him. She'd known, intellectually, that her sister had probably done terrible things – what member of her family hadn't? But... she'd never been so involved before. Usually they were incidents she read about in the newspaper and sneaking suspicions she never voiced.

It had to be something big indeed if Bellatrix was telling her to wear the Black pendant.

She whirled around, pushing remorselessly past people. Out. She needed to get out. Somewhere she could breathe, where the blood that drenched everyone's hands but her own wasn't so close, so tangible. She couldn't brush it all under the carpet anymore like she had been doing for the past six years.

Something had to give.

_It's all or nothing: either you're with us, or you're against us._

After a while Lily realised she had stopped running. She was standing on a balcony, bathed in moonlight, looking down at the beautiful Malfoy grounds stretching out before her as far as the eye could see. Her fingers brushed over the cool metal of her pendant. She traced the embossed lines of the coat-of-arms and motto. _Toujours pur_ : always pure. How could she in good conscience wear it when she didn't truly agree with what it stood for?

Yet how could she take it off and break so many hearts by renouncing her heritage?

A footstep alerted her, the brush of cloth. Lily turned around. Somehow she wasn't surprised to see him.

"Good evening," Potter said.


	11. Chapter Ten: Prevents a Bad Marriage

" **P** otter," Lily said warily.

He came closer, out of the shadows, a goblet cradled between his fingers. She skittered away. She had her wand, but she didn't want to use it; she couldn't cause a scene at her sister's wedding.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked.

"Probably the same thing you're doing out here," she replied curtly.

"No, that's not possible. I followed you," he said. She frowned, squinting at him, wondering if he was drunk. There was a slight slur to his words, and his movements were languorous.

He still had the power to put her on edge. Intellectually, she knew that she was a formidably powerful witch now, but her body still betrayed her, taking her back to a time when she had been helpless before him.

When he had _made_ her helpless… and worse, made her like it.

"My time is precious, Potter," she said. "What do you want?"

He took a slow, deliberate gulp from the goblet in his hand. The white column of his throat bobbed as he swallowed. "You," he said. "Always you. Over me… under me… _with_ me…"

Lily rasped out a laugh. Most definitely drunk. His words summoned up a series of images in her head, and she erased them with vicious thoroughness. "Never," she said.

"Again," he corrected softly.

"What?" she snapped, still brooding over what Sirius had said. "What was that?"

"You mean never _again_ ," he repeated.

Her breath caught. They had never discussed what had happened that night. For nearly two long years she'd said nothing, simmering silently, because it was better than having to actually confront what had happened. First she had been too afraid to face him: later, she hadn't known what to say. But suddenly Lily was tired of pretending. Pretending it hadn't happened, pretending it hadn't fazed her, pretending she didn't still dream of it…

Eventually, it had been a matter of pride for her. She'd needed to show him that nothing could crack her perfect mask, least of all something _he_ had done. He would not break her control. Maybe it was what Sirius had said, or maybe it was just her, but Lily was done with hiding.

He read it in the sudden hardness of her eyes and up-tilt of her chin. She took a step forward, and her blazing intensity made him take a step back.

"Careful, Potter," she told him. Her voice was empty. "It's on my terms now."

"You wouldn't hurt me," he said. "You would never want to be what I was."

" _Was_?" she said coolly. "Past tense, Potter? Really?"

He looked away, refusing to answer. "I told you before. You don't know everything, and there are things in your perfect existence that you make sure you never understand. We don't all have that luxury."

She brushed past him, leaving him standing alone in the shadows.

* * *

The moment the Portkey deposited them in Dumbledore's empty office, Lily stormed out. Her mind was running over and over again on what Potter had said the night before, so similar to what he had said when she had confronted him in his common room.

What wouldn't she understand? What didn't she know?

Two years ago, Potter and Sirius had been a pair of sixteen-year-olds eager to do all they could to serve the newly risen Dark Lord. She recalled the conversation she'd had with Regulus over it. He'd been wary of them jumping in feet-first; she had expected it.

She knew something had happened in the meantime. The fervour in their eyes had died, replaced with grim determination. Perhaps they had seen the true cost of service. But that didn't affect the fact that Potter had had a hand in her greatest shame, the night when her own incompetence had overwhelmed her, and for that he had to pay.

"I'm back!"

She flung open the door to the dorm. Marlene, who had been sitting cross-legged on her bed, jumped up with a squeal.

"I've missed you!"

The two girls hugged. Lily felt her troubles melt away, as they were apt to do in her best friend's presence. They settled on her bed.

"So, what happened?" Marlene said expectantly.

Lily opened her mouth to begin a condensed narration of her weekend, but broke off as her eyes filled abruptly with tears. Instantly Marlene wriggled closer to wrap her arms around her.

"What's wrong, darling?"

"I don't know," Lily said, biting back a shameful sniffle. Incredibly, the sob that wracked her body set off a jolt of laughter; when was the last time she had cried? Nobody had ever managed to reduce her to tears like this. Nobody but James Potter.

She wondered if she had, finally, gone mad.

"Tell me," Marlene ordered. Concern roughened her voice.

So Lily told her, narrating everything down to the last detail. Like how Rabastan had congratulated them on what they had done it, Sirius asking for a dance only to tell her why Bellatrix had wanted her to wear the pendant…

How could she love her sister so much and know she had done such terrible things? Did that make her just as bad?

The words spilled out of her until she had exhausted them. Through it all, Marlene simply rocked her and listened.

* * *

Three weeks.

For three weeks she had managed to avoid Potter. It was now early December. Once Lily's reason had returned she had realised that, while she was far gone enough to want revenge, she had to pull her punches. Otherwise, she would be no better than him.

And she _was_ better than him, in every way possible.

So she'd been avoiding him. Her mind turned over possibilities for vengeance with all the cold precision of a machine. In the meantime, certain she wouldn't be able to stop herself from simply hexing him if she saw him, she did her best to ensure she never laid eyes on him.

Sirius was a different matter. For one, he was family, and she knew that if she really wanted him punished all she had to do was tell Bellatrix. She was closer to her eldest sister than Narcissa. She also knew how his mind worked. Remorse wasn't something that came easily to a Black – if at all – and it would be useless to expect him to feel it.

Besides, he hadn't done to her what James Potter had. They _were_ family, after all.

Sirius was also her Potions partner, and that was the reason why Lily was currently striding down a dark, dank corridor at eight pm, on her way to the dungeon classroom. Their projects were going to be marked the next day. She was on her way to administer a sprig of holly to enhance their Revitalising Solution.

"Goddammit, Sirius, I said no!"

She stopped dead and held her breath. Was that who she thought it was?

Another familiar voice rapped out an answer. The voices were getting louder; it sounded like the owners were just around the next bend. She slipped out her wand.  
The Disillusionment Charm blended her into the stone wall, and the deep shadows broken only by sporadic torches provided sufficient coverage. It was no Invisibility Cloak, but it would do.

She pressed closer to the wall and listened.

"Snape's got it wrong," Potter's voice insisted. " _He_ won't just let us go, we were in it for life the moment he branded us. You heard what Rookwood said. He knows our bloody thoughts –"

"Augustus was bluffing," Sirius cut in. The two boys rounded the corner, and Lily stopped breathing and closed her eyes as she tried desperately to become part of the wall.

"If anyone can do Legilimency, it's him. Bellatrix Black is the only Occlumens I know. I'm out of this, Sirius."

Sirius spoke quietly. "James. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you what happens to traitors. Going to join the Order now, are you? Beg Dumbledore for a second chance after you so spectacularly messed up your first one two years ago?"

 _Two years ago._ The words rang through Lily's head. To her, two years ago meant only one thing, and she wondered what that night had to do with anything. A second chance? What had happened to the first one? What was an Occlumens, and what did her sister have to do with it?

Potter and Sirius vanished around another bend. Mechanically Lily carried on her original journey. Her mind was spinning with questions. What was it that Potter wanted an out of? What branding, and what Order?

God, there was so much she didn't know! As she dropped the prickly green leaves into the cauldron she vowed to go the one place she went to whenever there was something she didn't know: The Library.

What was it that Potter had kept saying no to?


	12. Chapter Eleven: Beguile Thy Sorrow

**A** week passed before Lily found time to visit the Library. It was now mid-December, the last day before the Christmas holidays started; the seventh-years had been loaded down with NEWTs preparation. As the corridors had emptied after the final lesson had finished, Lily was alone as she padded down to the Library.

On a hunch, she made a beeline for the Restricted Section first. She was fully conscious of Madam Pince's suspicious gaze, but straightened her back and perused the shelves.

 _Legilimency... Occlumens.._ Potter had said that Bellatrix was the only Occlumens he knew...

She crouched lower to search the O section. Of course, there was the possibility that whatever they were talking about was Dark stuff and therefore not here, but often there were things in the Restricted Section that veered dangerously close to that line. She carried on looking.

 _Oberon: A Biography_ , by Damara Dodderidge. _The Negative Side-Effects of Obliviating Muggles,_ Edgar Stroulger. _A Beginner's Explanation of Occlumency_ – yes! She curled her fingers over the top of the narrow leather-clad spine and pulled it out.

The title was embossed on the front in faded gold letters, set deep into the smooth black calfskin. Reverently Lily cracked it open to the first page. She always felt something almost... _holy_ as she opened a book for the first time, a sense of an opening chasm beneath her feet, and this time was no different as she read the introduction.

_Occlumency is an obscure art, difficult to master with any degree of accuracy. As always, success depends upon the power of the countering Legilimens._

Lily felt a sudden burst of pride. Like Potter had said, if her sister Bellatrix was the only Occlumens he knew among their circles of old, wealthy bloodlines, that must be a great accomplishment indeed. She smiled to herself and carried on.

_To understand Occlumency, a basic knowledge of Legilimency is first required. A Legilimens is a person capable of delving within the cognitive functions of another individual at will, and comprehending what is found there. Thoughts are not clear-cut; they are impressions, memories, and senses. Only a Legilimens capable of navigating this tangle may effectively utilise their ability._

She drew in a short, shocked breath. She was of age, had grown up within the hallowed halls of one of Britain’s foremost wizarding dynasties, and yet she had not that it was possible for people to – in its most basic interpretation – _read her mind._

There was a rustle behind her. She jerked, remembering where she was and berating herself for her momentary slip. Light, rapid breathing sounded from the other side of a shelf.

Lily gripped her wand. "Who's there?"

A body appeared. She tightened her grasp, then relaxed when she saw who it was.

"Oh," she sneered. "It's you."

Lupin Lupin twisted his hands nervously around each other. "Look, Black, I know you aren't exactly happy to see me right now –"

"That is an understatement," she said icily. "I think I'd be more than just _unhappy_ at seeing the world's biggest coward."

He had the gall to look hurt. "Do you really think there’s anything I can do to change James or Sirius's minds, once they're made up? Because if you do, you don’t know them as well as I thought you did."

No, she didn't think that, but that didn't make it alright. "You're their best friend,” she pointed out. “You have far more of a chance at stopping them than most people."

Lupin stared past her, his eyes distant. "James and Sirius do what they want. They always have, and they always will, and sometimes – for all they care – the rest of the world can go to straight to _hell_."

Was that bitterness she could see in his face? Something wasn't right, and despite herself Lily began to feel the stirrings of interest. "What's wrong? I assume you sought me out for a reason…"

"Oh, yes. Well. James won't be happy if he finds out I’ve told you, but I thought I at least owed it to you to warn you. After the holidays –"

Abruptly he paused and tilted his head to the side, as though listening to something inaudible to her. She frowned.

"Lupin? What is it?"

"I have to go," he said in a rush.

"No, wait!"

But he had already gone, slithering out of sight so fast she wondered if he had an Invisibility Cloak with him. What on earth was _his_ problem?

Lily shrugged and picked up the Occlumency book to borrow. While she waited for Madam Pince to stamp it with the return date, her eyes turned to the doorway.

Potter and Sirius walked through, deep in conversation.

Her breath caught. She hurriedly looked back at the librarian, but felt more than heard the talking stop as both boys saw her and stopped dead. Eventually they wandered off into the stacks, but even when they were no longer visible her heart continued hammering frantically. She fought to keep her expression neutral. If they found out she had heard them last night...

Lily got outside without incident and sighed with relief. Now she could devote her attention to the warning Lupin had given her – or tried to, in any case. That had been a curious incident, deserving of more attention. She unconsciously rubbed the chain of the Black pendant she had yet to take off. Whatever it was, apparently Potter wouldn’t be happy if he knew that Lupin had told her. Such good timing on Lupin’s part, to be able to leave just as Potter had come in.

Suspiciously good timing, in fact. She could not believe it had been merely luck that had sent Lupin skittering away in time. Yet how could he have known? Was it possible that somehow, he had heard Potter and Sirius approaching, even though they had to have been a good fifty feet away at the time? No, surely not. That was impossible.

There were more secrets and lies wrapped up in this web than she ever could have guessed, and she risked drowning in it all if she tried to solve every mystery that came her way.

* * *

"Right, listen up, Gryffindors!"

The occupants of the Gryffindor common room snapped to their feet as their Head of House clambered ungracefully through the portrait hole. McGonagall straightened up.

"I will be taking the names of those of you staying at Hogwarts over Christmas. Make an orderly line if you are, please!"

Lily started to walk over but Marlene caught her arm.

"I forgot to ask," she said, "but do you want to come to mine for the holidays?"

Lily hesitated. "I don't know... Your parents won't mind, will they?"

"Of course not," Marlene assured her. "They love you. Everyone does, come to think of it," she added teasingly.

The mocking laugh that erupted out of Lily shocked even her. "That’s rubbish. My sister Andromeda's been gone for months and hasn’t bothered to write to me. She didn’t even tell me she was eloping. She had to have known that I wouldn't sell her out! And let’s not start on how my cousin hates me, sometimes I don’t think Narcissa would notice if I died, and the only person who gives a damn about me is Bellatrix –”

_– Who may have killed more people than even I could dream of_ , she finished silently.

Marlene waited for a moment and then said, "You said her name."

"What?" Lily blinked. Now her rant was over, she felt vaguely foolish.

"Andromeda," Marlene explained quietly. "You said her name. Your parents disowned her and you've been told never to acknowledge her again. You tried, but I guess you must love her so much that you just couldn't keep it in. And because you love her so much you're hurt she hasn't contacted you."

There was a pause as Lily digested this information. Finally she said wryly, "When did you become so smart?"

"About the same time you became so stupid," Marlene grinned. "But really, think how Andromeda must feel. She's been cut off by her whole family: she doesn't actually know who she can trust."

"So I have to make the first move," Lily realised. She leaned over and hugged her best friend tightly. "Thank you for helping me see that. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"So does this mean you're coming over for Christmas?"

"I might as well," she said. "I suppose it couldn't hurt."

Marlene beamed. "Brilliant! I'll go owl my parents and tell them there’ll be an extra guest." She bounded up.

Lily watched her go, a faint smile lifting the corners of her lips. She was lucky to have a friend like that.


	13. Chapter Twelve: The Winter of Our Discontent

" **T** he pies," Lily said. "Definitely the pies."

"Mum's mince pies are pretty wicked," Marlene agreed, "but they're nowhere near as good as Dad's turkey!"

Lily licked her lips exaggeratedly. "Did you have to remind me?"

The two girls were standing outside King's Cross Station, waiting for Marlene's father to pick them up. Somehow their conversation had degenerated into a giggly argument about the highlights of Christmas food. Something warm and carefree was bubbling inside Lily, and she realised that it was happiness. There was no Potter, no Sirius – in fact, nothing to worry about for two whole weeks.

The McKinnons' battered Ford Thunderbird rolled up. "He's here!" Marlene exclaimed. Lily started forward with her.

"Good afternoon, Mr McKinnon!"

She smiled dazzlingly at him. She had known Marlene's parents for years, and they had always been friendly towards her. She moved to shake his hand after Marlene had hugged him.

She didn't expect the sudden tightening of his jaw as he took in her outstretched arm. He made no move to greet her.

She frowned. "Is something wrong?"

Ignoring her completely, he turned to his daughter. "I thought I told you that bitch wasn't setting foot in our house?"

Lily gasped, taking a step backward. Surely – _surely_ – he hadn't just said what she thought he'd said?

Marlene threw Lily a glance, then turned pleading eyes to her father. "Dad, I explained it to you. Lily isn't like the others. She's not even in Slytherin, for crying out loud –"

"Lies!" he snarled. "You're so blinded by loyalty, you don't see the revulsion I do when she looks at you!"

"Hey!" said Lily, stung into speaking. "What revulsion? She's my best friend! What is _wrong_ with you?"

Once again he ignored her. "I hate to see this happening, Marlene. Best we turn her away now before she poisons you any further."

" _Dad_!" Marlene roared. "That is enough! We can't turn Lily away."

He eyed her, then he said flatly, "Your mother won't be happy." But he turned away to open the boot.

Lily wondered if she was in shock. Faint tears prickled her wide, horrified eyes. What had happened that he could have turned against her like that? He had known her since she was five years old!

"Marlene," she murmured. "What... what happened?"

Marlene shot her a brief look of apology. "I'll explain later," she said softly. "I'm sorry about this. I didn't think he'd be that bad."

"You don't have to be sorry for anything," Lily told her. Resentment flared inside her, although she tried to stamp it down. Mr McKinnon had known her for so long. Did he truly think of her as a bitch not worthy of setting foot in his home? Why?

But deep inside, she feared that she already knew the answer.

* * *

The ride home had been tense and silent with hostility.

Lily looked out of the window at passing buildings, illuminated by the sporadic streetlights. She was aware of Marlene's eyes on her, but tried to avoid looking at her. She did not think she would be able to handle seeing the look in her eyes. When they pulled up outside Marlene's house she was the first person out of the car.

Mr McKinnon unlocked the boot and handed her her trunk without looking at her. Before, he would have carried it in for her. She stood on the doorstep and rang the bell, suddenly detachedly eager to see whatever look of hatred Mrs McKinnon would throw at her.

The door opened a few moments later.

Lily heard the indrawn little breath and smiled grimly at her, trying to make it as wide and fake as possible.

"Hello," she said. "Do you mind letting me in? If it's not too much trouble, of course. It's rather cold out here."

Although she had expected it, it still hurt when Mrs McKinnon seemed to deliberate on it for a few seconds before standing aside. Lily lumbered inside with the trunk in her arms.

"Dinner's on the table," she said quietly when Marlene and her father had entered too. The four of them filed into the dining room. Lily stopped, hovering, when she saw that only three places had been set.

Silently Mrs McKinnon placed a plate in front of her. Dinner was eaten quickly and quietly, after which her husband stood up and pushed in his chair.

"Go to bed now. No talking."

Lily followed Marlene upstairs. This sudden change in manner was such a big difference to how they had treated her before, making it hard for it to sink in. Neither Marlene nor she said a word as they brushed their teeth and changed into their pyjamas.

Marlene slid under the covers, but Lily stood hovering by the bed. "I want answers," she said bluntly.

Marlene sighed. "I know you do. It's just... it's a little hard to stomach the fact that my own parents are capable of being as biased as everyone else."

Lily gingerly joined her under the blanket. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... it's basically reverse discrimination, isn't it? My parents have always known what family you come from. It's just never featured largely in our lives. Then they read the newspaper article about Rookwood." Her voice was tired. "Believe it or not, a lot of people have realised who Rookwood's accomplices were. They know a Black was probably involved. Or if not that, your sister Bellatrix is gaining notoriety as one of the most ruthless of the Dark Lord's followers. Lucius Malfoy is making a name for himself too. Whichever way you look at it, the Blacks are deeply involved with the enemy, and that's a fact my parents have just woken up to."

"Oh," Lily said throatily. She stared down at her pale, almost translucent hand, fingers splayed on Marlene's forehead. Blue veins wrapped around her wrist. So many things came down to blood, didn't it? She hadn't chosen to be born with Black blood. Hadn't chosen to come from a family infamous throughout the wizarding world for their vices and viciousness.

And yet, had she been given the option of trading in the House of Black for another family… she could not imagine taking it.

Marlene went on, "My father is a half-blood. My mother is a Muggleborn. They know exactly how weak our lineage, and they're scared of it."

"They don't need to be scared," Lily said fiercely. "I would never hurt you."

She gave her a faint smile. "They aren't scared of _you_ hurting me, Lily. You may be a Black, but in their hearts they know they have nothing to fear from you. No, what they're truly afraid of is the fact that the Dark Lord is rising. And when he reaches the top, there will be no hope left for us anywhere."

Lily bit her lip. She had grown up hearing the name of the Dark Lord on her family's lips, intellectually known what he stood for and what he wanted. But he had never seemed to be quite _real_ to her. Nothing he had done had ever affected her.

Now, looking at the anxiety that Marlene strove to conceal, Lily realised how narrow-minded and self-centred she had been. What were Potter and Sirius, compared to this? She never had to fear for her life when with them. She had always been secure in the knowledge that either her sisters or her blood would protect her.

But not everybody was as lucky, and she was sickened to think of how complacent she had been.

"No, Marlene," she said. Her voice was made harsh by a mixture of self-loathing and anger. "That isn't right. You shouldn't have to live like that, constantly looking over your shoulder."

Marlene shrugged. "There's nothing either of us can do about it. Why worry?"

"You're wrong," she said. "I'm a Black. I should be able to use that to protect you, damn it! At least then my blood will have done some good!"

She started pacing. Marlene watched her, eyelids drooping.

"Come to bed, Lily," she said exhaustedly. "That's enough for tonight."

Acknowledging the truth of what she had said, Lily climbed into the double bed beside her.

Her fingers twisted at her pendant. But still, in spite of everything, and all the terrible things she had learnt, she could not bring herself to take it off just yet.


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Uneasy Lies the Head that Wears a Crown

_**C** rack!_

The Knight Bus materialised out of nowhere. Lily glanced back, waving one last time at Marlene, who had her nose pressed against the window. Then she levitated her trunk onto the bus ahead of her.

"Where to?" the driver, Ernie Prang, asked affably.

Lily hesitated, assuring herself it was the only option, then muttered, "Grimmauld Place."

"Coming up!" he said. The bus leapt forward.

Weaving drunkenly, Lily managed to make her way over to a bed and collapse on it.

It was Christmas Eve, and she had finally had enough of the uncomfortable silence that pervaded Marlene's house. She knew her best friend's parents resented her and that hurt like hell, considering she had known them for most of her life, but she also felt guilty for obviously ruining their Christmas.

So, despite Marlene's begging, she had packed up her trunk and was making her way to one of the many Black ancestral homes: Number 12, Grimmauld Place.

Naturally, the hidden townhouse in Islington was not the _original_ Black ancestral home. That honour belonged to a sprawling manor in Berkshire. But Grimmauld Place was the closest to Marlene's house in Barnet, so it was there that Lily would have to go.

The question of exactly which members of the family lived in which houses was a murky one. Technically, Grimmauld Place belonged to her Aunt Walburga and Uncle Orion. Her own parents, Cygnus and Druella, lived in Berkshire with her grandparents Pollux and Irma – the Crabbe grandmother from whom Lily had inherited her looks. But there was a lot of intermingling. Lily was often to be found in Grimmauld Place, and Sirius was often to be found in Berkshire, creating a level of instability which irritated Lily as much as she loved it.

After all, having a multitude of houses to choose from was not exactly a bad thing.

Sirius would of course be in Grimmauld Place, as would his brother Regulus. Now that Narcissa was married she would be at Malfoy Manor, making Lily the only Black sister at the house. Probably James Potter would be there too.

Well, that certainly posed possibilities.

* * *

The expression of astonishment on Sirius's face, as he opened the door to find his cousin outside, was almost comical.

"Lily? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Oh, that's nice," she snipped. "Have you forgotten that I happen to _live_ here?"

"But I thought you were at that half-blood's house," he said, blocking the entranceway with his body.

She pushed past him. "Well, I'm not there anymore."

Suddenly he laughed. "Oh my God," he snorted, "they kicked you out, didn't they? For being a Black?"

She flushed. As arrogant and egotistical as he was, he could sometimes be surprisingly perceptive. "For your information, I _chose_ to leave," she told him in arctic tones.

He waved her away, still laughing.

"Delilah?"

"Hello, Aunt Walburga," Lily said stiffly. Sirius' mother had never forgiven her for being in Gryffindor, and it showed in the curl of the older woman's lip as she looked her niece up and down.

"This is an unexpected pleasure. We had no word that you would be coming."

"I made the decision on impulse," Lily said. "Now, if you'll excuse me..."

She skirted past her aunt, charming her trunk so that it floated up the stairs in front of her. She had known Potter would probably be there, but she was not expecting to meet him quite so soon: he materialised on the landing as she made her way up.

"Lily?"

He stared at her. She rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"I happen to live here, Potter, you don't need to look so surprised to see me."

"Well, you aren't usually home much," he said. She smirked inwardly. His voice was actually just the slightest bit _wary_ – of _her_.

"You're one to talk. It's like you've become a permanent fixture in _my_ house," she sneered. "Do your parents not realise that their only son spends more time at his friend's house than his own?"

He shrugged. "No, not particularly," he said.

She blinked, his easy rebuttal taking her off guard. "Oh," she said lamely. Her snide response dissipated. "Well, I can't blame them," she said, trying to regroup, but he grinned knowingly at her.

She slammed inside her room. Just when she started thinking that she'd finally gotten the upper hand, Potter always seemed somehow to ruin it.

* * *

Dinner in Grimmauld Place was only marginally less awkward than it had been at the McKinnons' house.

Lily stabbed at a piece of salmon Kreacher had placed in front of her, resigning herself to another week of this before she could return to Hogwarts. The house's sole inhabitants were Aunt Walburga, Uncle Orion (who was usually drunk out of his mind), Regulus, Sirius, and of course Potter.

At least Regulus was there, or she might have gone mad. Lily grinned at her younger cousin. He grinned back. Somehow, although Black cheeks were meant to be too hollow, he had managed to acquire dimples. He was a slender, good-looking boy of sixteen who heavily resembled Sirius, with a neck-length fall of inky hair and heavily-lashed grey eyes. His features were sharp and angular; when he moved too quickly, he looked more like some great hunting cat than a boy.

Had he been an only child, he could probably have won the hearts of thousands. As it was, he faded into Sirius's shadow, the _other_ Black brother, quiet and far removed from the Marauders' reigns of terror.

"You know, Mother," Sirius said suddenly, breaking the thin silence, "It turns out that James here is very well liked by Dumbledore."

Walburga raised a dark, curving brow. "What makes you say that?"

"Well," Sirius said. For some reason, he glanced sidelong at Lily, his gunmetal eyes gleaming with mischievousness. "Because he's going to be the first person in the history of Hogwarts to be both Quidditch Captain... and Head Boy."

Lily choked on her salmon.

Swallowing it painfully, she threw herself out of her chair and lunged at Sirius across the table. "What are you talking about?" she hissed. "That's impossible!"

"Oh, no," Sirius said, looking unfazed. "It's perfectly possible. Do you mind letting go of my collar?"

Lily released him and sank back in her chair. "But Remus Lupin is Head Boy," she said. "You can't switch in the middle of the year!"

"He told Dumbledore that he couldn't do it anymore because it was too much pressure, what with his _furry little problem_ and all," Sirius said. His eyes flicked to Potter's for a split-second. "And, well, it seems that our boy James here is the second option."

"Excuse me for a second," Lily said. Her voice betrayed nothing of her inner turmoil. Calmly, she stood up and strode from the room, ascending the stairs and throwing herself onto her bed. She stared at the ceiling.

It couldn't be possible. Dumbledore would never do such a thing. Yet... didn't Lupin spend most of his time looking like death warmed over? In three months, he had had to take a break in the Hospital Wing three separate times. Was that down to the 'furry little problem' Sirius had referred to?

She could feel an answer dangling tantalisingly, just out of her grasp. Her brain puzzled over all the pieces she had been given, turning them over in her mind. She knew what was wrong with him. She just had to think. If only she could get her brain to work properly for one solitary second...

There was a knock at the door. If anybody in this house would be coming after her, it was Regulus. "Come in," she called.

The creak of hinges preceded the sight of Potter's messy black head poking around the doorway.

"Hello," he said carefully.

Open-mouthed, Lily stared at him, unable to believe his temerity.

"Cut the bullshit, Potter," she said sharply. "What do you want?"

He hesitated, his eyes flicking over her, as though scanning for signs of damage. "I just wanted to say that I... well, I didn't ask to be Head Boy. Truly."

She frowned, irritated with the part of her that was inexplicably annoyed by what he had said. It sounded more like an insult than anything. He didn't want to work with her? How was that possible? Two years ago, he hadn't been able to get enough of her.

"It's not because of you," he hastened to assure her, perhaps seeing the frown.

Lily sighed. Suddenly she was tired of dealing with him and all the drama associated with him.

"Just get out of my room, Potter. I honestly don't care about you enough to be listening to your excuses."

He still stood there. "Don't you want to discuss our joint Head duties –"

"I said, _get out of my room_!" Lily snarled, raising herself off the bed on her elbows. At that, he cast her one last assessing look and finally slid out.

Her breath whooshed out of her body in one long exhale. Working with James Potter, of all people. What had she done to deserve this?


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Masters of Their Fates

**R** egulus Black was the only cousin Lily actually liked, and that was because he had been _this_ close from being Sorted into Gryffindor.

It was a secret only the two of them knew, for Regulus was too terrified to tell his purist parents and older brother that he had almost been placed into Slytherin's worst enemy. In fact, the only reason he wasn't in Gryffindor was because he had asked not to put there, much the same way Lily had asked not to be put in Slytherin.

That might have made him a coward, but he was still the only person currently residing in Grimmauld Place that she could stand.

"Do you think I'll lose a mark in my mock Potions NEWT because I said dittany had mermaid scales instead of merman scales?" he was worrying.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about it, Regulus. I'm sure they won't care."

She was sprawled out on his bed while he sat at his desk fretting over the mock NEWTs he had taken just before the holidays. For once, she was feeling content. Kreacher had served a particularly good lunch, Uncle Orion had drunk himself into a stupor, Aunt Walburga was in the living room and Sirius and Potter were out doing God knew what. The house was calm and silent.

Until the silence was shattered abruptly by a screech. "Delilah! Regulus! Come down immediately!"

Lily gasped and rolled off the bed. Regulus leapt for her.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she choked, waving him away when he tried to help her up. With a wince she got to her feet.

"I said, come down!" Walburga called again.

"Coming!" Lily hollered back dutifully. The two of them made their way down the stairs. When they reached the living room they found Walburga sitting imperiously on the horsehair sofa. Her jet-black hair, threaded faintly with silver, had been scraped back into a bun that exposed the jutting edges of her sharp cheekbones, and her grey eyes were several shades darker than those of her sons. She pointed a long, sharp-nailed finger at them like a sword.

"Took you long enough," she sniffed.

"What is it, Aunt?" Lily asked. Beside her, Regulus shifted uncomfortably.

"I want you to find the boys and tell them I want them back," Walburga ordered. "I've just received some important news and they need to hear it."

"What important news?" Regulus said warily.

His mother rounded on him. "You'll find out in good time, young man. For now, go and inform that wretched house-elf to lay an extra setting at the table tonight. We're going to be having company." She dismissed them with a brief flick of her wrist.

Lily departed for her own bedroom. If she had to go outside she'd need proper Muggle clothes, not the silken green robes she was wearing now. She had absolutely no idea where the boys might be so it was probably going to be a long afternoon.

With a wave of her wand, she transfigured her robes into the same jeans and blue blouse she had sometimes seen Marlene wearing. She squinted critically at her reflection in the mirror. It didn't look quite right – her jeans seemed to be made from some material suspiciously close to their original silk, rather than denim – but it was the best she could do. With them went the leather boots she had arrived in. The front door unlocked itself at the tap of her wand, and then Lily stepped out.

Disappointingly, it had not snowed this Christmas. But it was New Year's Eve, and Lily gazed with interest at the harried-looking Muggles carrying bags who rushed past her. She performed a discreet Hot-Air Charm to heat up her freezing hands and surveyed her surroundings.

There were really only a couple of places Potter and Sirius could be, since Grimmauld Place was in a residential area. Lily glared at a beer can-carrying teenager who eyed her as he wandered past. It wasn't as if any of these Muggles could _hurt_ her, but still...

She decided to try the local shopping centre first. The Angel Central was a huge glass-and-chrome behemoth which it would probably take her hours to search, but at least it was warm and served nourishment. The blast of warm air as she entered through the automatic doors made her cheeks flush.

It was bustling with activity. Lily searched the crowd for two boys, one with a mop of black hair and the other's head sleek and dark. Nothing. She groaned in frustration. Why hadn't they had the decency to tell someone where they had gone?

She shouldered her way through the mass of people to a drinks shop she could see, the word _Costa_ printed in bright white lettering against a scarlet background. A warm drink would help her gather her strength for the upcoming search. Though her wallet was filled with Galleons, she transfigured them into a solid approximation of Muggle money with a sidelong glance at the other patrons, knowing she would be long gone before the enchantment wore off them.

"A hot chocolate, please," Lily said to the cashier.

He slid one over to her. She cupped it with her hands, allowing the heat to soak through as she carried it over to an empty table and sat down. The warmth was soothing against her cold palms.

Then she saw him.

James Potter was sitting at another table, talking to some Muggle girl with long red hair. Lily blinked at the jealousy that suddenly coiled within her. What did _she_ care who he talked to? His gaze freely roamed the rest of the shop, and he was evidently not finding it a scintillating conversation since his attention was elsewhere, but still it pricked at her.

"How fitting that your eyes are already green."

She jumped and turned her head. She had been so focussed on them that she hadn't noticed Sirius slip in beside her, regarding her with his head tilted impishly to the side. Her cheeks crimsoned and she scoffed to cover her surprise.

"You think I'm jealous?"

"Oh, everyone's jealous of something," Sirius said airily. "You, me, James, Regulus... We're all jealous. But you in particular – you're jealous of his looks, and how popular he is, and how smart he is without trying." He winked at her. "Can't blame you. I'm sure I would be too, if I were you."

"I can't even begin to tell you how wrong you are," she snapped. "I'm not jealous of him. I _hate_ him."

"I'm sure you think you believe that," he said. His voice had become uncharacteristically soft, for once lacking its usual twist of mockery. "You've convinced yourself that you hate him, because that's easier for you to deal with than being jealous of him."

"My grades better than his," Lily growled, knowing even as she said it that she was playing into Sirius's hands.

He raised an eyebrow. "And how long do you spend doing an essay? A week, and that's without all the research you put in beforehand. I've seen James roll out an O-graded essay in ten minutes."

Her knuckles whitened around her drink. "So he's some kind of genius. Good for him."

"And," Sirius continued relentlessly, "he's _liked_. Even without us Marauders, he's never short of girls, or people hanging onto his every word. You have... the half-blood, the Mudblood, and the brainless Longbottom boy. That's it."

Lily crumpled the plastic lid in her hands viciously. She hated to admit it, but what Sirius was saying had struck a chord; why did Potter, being in Slytherin and steeped in the Dark Arts, command so much of Hogwarts when _she_ might as well be a part of the wallpaper?

"What's your point?" she said tightly.

Sirius sighed. "Just... it may seem like he's got everything, but appearances can be deceiving."

"Whatever," Lily muttered. "Why are you telling me this, anyway?"

He tilted his head. "Because I want to. Because I can."

And that, as Lily knew, was the only reason she would get; generations of Blacks had lived and died, killed and healed, loved and hated – all simply because they _could_. Nobody ever knew why Sirius, charming and mercurial, did the things he did, so Lily accepted it without question when he abruptly changed the subject.

"What are you doing here?"

"Aunt Walburga sent me to find you. She has some kind of announcement for us," she said. "She wants us home."

He nodded and rose. "I'll get James."

The short walk home was done in silence. Lily trailed slightly behind the other two, focussing on the back of Potter's head. _Was_ she jealous of him? She didn't like to think so, but there was a part of her that she knew felt envious at how everything seemed to come so easily to him. Even now, nearly seven years later, many of her own House still treated her differently for her Slytherin heritage.

Lily shook off such thoughts when they entered Grimmauld Place.

"We're home, Mother!" Sirius yelled.

"Come into the living room!" she called back.

The three of them found Regulus already standing there with his hands laced behind his back. Walburga took in their Muggle attire and wrinkled her nose, but said nothing.

"I want you all to be on your best behaviour tonight," she said. "We're to have guests."

"Who?" Sirius asked.

"Pius Thicknesse, Advisor to the Minister... and your father, James."

Instinctively Lily turned her head to Potter. She was surprised by what she saw. All the blood had drained out of his face, leaving it chalky pale, for all the world as though he had received some terrible news. She knitted her brows together.

His father was visiting. Surely that was good news?

Not if his face was anything to go by, and she began to feel a certain interest in what the night's dinner would bring.


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Sins of the Father

**F** leamont Potter looked how Lily had always imagined a vampire would look: tall, dark-haired, bone-pale and intense.

His son was the spitting image of him, except that James had hazel eyes instead of his father's vivid blue. And though Lily hated to admit it, Fleamont exuded a cloud of malevolence that was ten times worse than James's own menacing air. Every time the man turned his glittering gaze on her, she struggled not to cower.

In contrast, though Pius Thicknesse was a tall and sturdy young man, his eyes glinted palely and he twitched alarmingly regularly. Sirius sniggered every time Thicknesse jumped at the smallest sound. Lily only felt sorry for him.

All eight of them were currently sitting around the dinner table. Lily sat opposite her Uncle Orion, a gaunt man in his late forties whose decades of dissipation were beginning to manifest themselves on his looks, though he was still as handsome as any Black.

Kreacher had set bowls of prawn soup in front of them for the starter. There was no conversation. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily found herself shooting James glances. He was uncharacteristically silent, head bowed. She wondered at it.

Suddenly there was a scraping sound. Fleamont Potter had pushed his bowl away, slowly and deliberately, and fixed his penetratingly blue eyes on Walburga. She visibly squirmed.

"Walburga," he said. "I must thank you for the _stunning_ taste of this soup." His words were slow and measured.

"It was nothing," she said politely.

She had, of course, had no hand in it; the house-elf had done all the work.

"Where are Cygnus and Druella?" he asked. "I would have liked to see them."

"They're still in Berkshire, with Pollux and Irma," she said. "Though had they known you would be arriving, I am positive they would have been here."

Fleamont said nothing in response, and the table relapsed into an uncomfortable silence.

Lily sipped the last of her soup from her spoon. The hairs on the back of her neck seemed to be prickling, as if aware that she was in the presence of someone who posed a real threat to her. That was true enough. All she knew of James's father was that he occupied an influential – perhaps not strictly official – position in the Ministry, and was a highly favoured servant of the Dark Lord. She had never exchanged more than pleasantries with him.

Nobody was more surprised than she was when he addressed her.

"Delilah?"

Her head snapped up. "Yes, sir?"

"Cygnus's youngest daughter," he said.

"Yes, sir," Lily agreed cautiously, though it had not been a question.

"My son has told me about you," Fleamont said. "The only Black in Gryffindor."

She frowned, uncertain how to respond to this. James had spoken about her?

"Of course, since my son is an excellent liar," he continued, "I had to check for myself. Between you and me," he leaned forward with a confiding air, "James is unfortunately much more like his mother than me."

Lily felt a dull anger come over her, and was surprised to realise that it was for James. What kind of father spoke like that about his son? Before she could say something, even if she would have, Sirius beat her to it.

"If you can't appreciate your son," he said, ice in his tone, "you are – and I can scarcely credit this – an even bigger fool than you look."

"Sirius!" Walburga hissed.

James seemed to be biting his tongue; he was staring determinedly into the plate before him.

"So!" said Thicknesse with painfully false cheer. "Are you all looking forward to going back to Hogwarts?"

"It has its positives. For instance, there at least we needn't put up with people like you," Sirius said coolly.

"Sirius!" Walburga shrieked. "You'll have to excuse my son, Mr Thicknesse," she said to him. "He's always had a problem with staying out of trouble."

"So has my son," Fleamont interjected. "I gave him a little job to do a few weeks ago, and he completely messed it up. If it weren't for Rookwood's quick thinking –"

Lily sucked in a breath. Was he talking about the Rookwood killings? She shifted on her chair. Annoyingly, Fleamont appeared to have decided not to finish his sentence, and she felt a desire to strangle him.

"Kreacher, bring the main course," Walburga ordered. The house-elf Vanished the soup bowls with a snap of his fingers and plates of roast chicken appeared. Glasses clinked as they were magically refilled.

Fleamont had apparently decided to try and attempt to converse with Lily again.

"Is it true that the Gryffindor common room is behind a portrait?" he asked with a charming smile. "I've always wondered, you see."

" Yes, sir," she said dutifully.

"I hear you're Head Girl," he said. "James has been chosen as Head Boy as well, though I'm afraid he was second choice." The last two words were pronounced with a delicate sneer.

"He's Quidditch Captain too," Sirius snarled, his voice trembling with rage.

"Sirius Orion Black! Go to your room this instant!" Walburga bellowed.

He stood up, knocking his chair back sullenly and sloping out. Lily twisted the edge of the tablecloth in her hands. She would have done the same for Marlene or Arabella, and yet... couldn't James say a single word for himself instead of relying on Sirius all the time?

" _Crucio_."

For a moment, the word did not even register with her. She had grown up in the Darkest of families, but to hear an Unforgivable Curse bandied about at the dinner table – it was incredible, unthinkable. She gaped wordlessly for a moment before she gathered her wits enough to jump to her feet and draw her wand.

But the spell had not been directed at her. Instead, she watched in horrified fascination as James's body collapsed in on itself. He twitched and kicked uncontrollably, eyes bulging out of his head, but he made no sound: it seemed he had been Silenced alongside it.

Lily shot her aunt a look. While Walburga looked distinctly discomfited, her face tight with strain, she did nothing. Orion had disappeared into the kitchen – no doubt for a drink of some sort. Thicknesse was eating with grim fixity and deliberately paying attention to nothing outside his plate. They were sitting there as though it was perfectly normal, a man using an Unforgivable Curse on his son during a family meal, and Lily felt hysterical laughter bubble up in her throat.

There was a sudden enraged roar. Sirius burst back into the room, his wand held aloft, face twisted into a mask of rage.

" _Stupe –"_

" _Expelliarmus_!"

His wand flew out of his hand and she snatched it from the air. Sirius' mouth dropped open.

"What the _fuck_ did you do that for?"

"Wait," she said with eerie calm. She had stopped breathing. Her mind had seen the perfect opportunity, and she mentally counted the passing seconds.

_Fourteen... fifteen..._

Sirius launched himself at her. She sidestepped easily. When she hit the twenty-second mark, she aimed her wand.

" _Stupefy_!"

Fleamont Potter dropped like a stone.

Instantly Sirius rushed to James's side. He was hunched over, moaning and shuddering on his chair, but after a few seconds he raised his head to look at her. A hanging lock of hair obscured one eye, but the other pierced straight through her. They stared at each other, hazel on green, for what felt like an eternity.

Then Sirius broke it.

"What the hell was that, Lily?"

"Twenty seconds," she said. She was answering his question, but her words were directed to James. "I think I was rather merciful. Don't you?"

There was a pause. Then he said roughly, "I know I lasted for a hell of a lot longer than twenty seconds. So I guess you _were..._ merciful. Such as it is. For a Black." The words were tight with strain, but she thought she could sense the faintest trace of amusement. 

He was a Slytherin, after all. He would always be plotting and planning and scheming, always ten steps ahead of everyone else in the room, even when he'd just had his brains tortured out. 

Lily looked away from his uncomfortably knowing gaze towards her aunt, who appeared to be in shock. Thicknesse meanwhile was still eating.

"Someone should probably do something for him," she said about the Stupefied man on the floor. Nobody stopped her as she walked out of the dining room and took the stairs two at a time. Her mind was frozen; calm, cold and clear. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling.

She had finally had her revenge against James Potter, in a way that appeased her conscience. It wasn't vengeance in kind. How could you pay back in kind a boy who had Imperiused you into _–_ well, into doing what she had? But it was still vengeance, of a sort, and her Black blood thrilled in satisfaction. 

She was free again. As free as she had been before the night of the seventh of June, 1976.

And yet... something was niggling at her, and she prodded at it cautiously.

The answer came to her after some contemplation: nobody should have to suffer a father who tortured them for no apparent reason.

Not even _him_.


	17. Chapter Sixteen: Insinuation, Parley, and Base Truce

**_January 1978_ **

The first meeting between Lily and Marlene, when school had started up again in the New Year, had been fraught with tension – the sort that did not lead to raised voices, and a clearing of the air, but rather lurked edgily in the conversation. Both girls were determinedly pretending it did not exist.

They were sitting on Marlene's bed in the seventh-year girls' dorm. It was almost dinner time; Lily had only had to suffer another day in Grimmauld Place before the Christmas holidays were over, and away from the oppressive air that pervaded the house, her muscles were able to loosen. She had just finished telling Marlene about the startling news of Potter's new appointment, and was gratified by the other girl's indrawn gasp of surprise.

"Well," Marlene said after a short pause, "he is a rather good Quidditch Captain. He's obviously used to responsibility. Perhaps he'll be just as good as a Head Boy."

"But he's a _Marauder_!" Lily said despairingly. "He's the one who _loses_ his House points, he can't be given the power to _add_ them. For God's sake, he spends more time in detention than out of it!"

"Lupin is a Marauder too, and he was a decent Head Boy," Marlene said.

"Lupin seems to be the only one of them capable of thinking logically," Lily snapped. She rolled off the bed and onto her feet. "Let's go down to dinner now. I'm tired of talking about him."

Marlene readily agreed, and the two girls descended the spiral staircase down to the Great Hall. Arabella and Frank were already seated at their usual places on the table.

"Evening, Lily! How were your holidays?" Frank asked brightly.

"Uneventful," she lied. "Yours?"

He launched into a comprehensive account of the past two weeks. Nodding whenever there was an interval, Lily spooned peas into her mouth.

After a few moments she realised that Frank had stopped talking. She looked up. "What's wro – _Potter_?"

He was standing in front of her, his gaze shifting restlessly over Gryffindor table. When she craned her neck she saw the rest of the Marauders watching from the Slytherin corner of the Great Hall.

"We need to talk," he said.

She raised an eyebrow. "Do we?"

"About our Head Duties," he clarified. "I'm free now, if you are?"

"Oh, alright then," she said, getting to her feet. Her eyes scanned his wild dark hair and sharp-boned face, vaguely surprised to find that she no longer felt the urge to throttle him. He looked stunned at her acceptance. So did the others at her table, with the exception of Marlene.

James followed her out of the Great Hall. As she walked Lily could feel hundreds of eyes drilling into her back. She ignored them, holding the door open for him as they went through the entrance. He thanked her warily.

They stood facing each other in the deserted corridor. Lily made the first move.

"So, since you have Quidditch duties, I'm assuming you want me to do most of the Head work?"

"That won't be necessary," he said. "I'll do everything Remus did."

"Then you'll be doing the weekly points tally, as well as producing the overall report every other week," she said. "I'm in charge of the patrol roster and overall report on the weeks you aren't."

There was a silence. With amusement, Lily realised that his face was studiously blank of all emotion, which probably meant that his mind was working frantically behind it. He was assimilating her attitude towards him – trying to plan around it, strategise for it, calculate how it would impact both him and her.

Suddenly, everything had changed. No Slytherin liked that.

"So," he said. His voice was a lazy drawl. "Do I take it you've… _forgiven_ me?"

"It would seem so," she said casually. "Perhaps. Probably, since I no longer desire to murder you."

To throw him off further, she smiled at him, a brilliant curl of her lips that he had never seen directed at him. He blinked, and his jaw slackened slightly.

"I.. um… that's good," he said, stumbling over his words. He shook himself as though to slough off its effects. "Very good. We can be civil to each other now?"

"I don't see why not," she said. "We can be civil, Potter."

"If we're to be civil you should really call me James," he suggested silkily.

She considered it. "Very well. I'd say you can call me Lily, but… you always have. You've always been ready to take liberties with things before they're offered to you, after all."

Before her words could sink into him, she reached out to grasp his hand and pump it. Warmth spread along her fingers. His hand was much larger than hers, slightly callused from Quidditch, strong and pale. Hastily, she dragged her hand back and surreptitiously wiped it on her robes. He grinned at her. For once it was genuine, not one of his manufactured smirks or sneers. The number of times she had seen him smile with feeling was so few that she wondered how she had managed to identify it now.

"Alright then, Lily," he said. "I'll be going now. And don't worry, I'll be just as good a Head Boy as Moony – I mean, Remus – was." He jammed his hands into his pockets and strode away. Lily turned to go herself, then something struck her with the force of a wrecking ball.

 _Moony_.

Her eyes widened, and she started sprinting for the library, gasping out apologies as she knocked people out of her way. Her breath came heavily as she crouched down to look for the correct section.

'Werewolves' was filed under Magical Creatures. Lily pulled out the first book she saw on the subject and flicked frantically to the right page. She had to know if her suspicions were correct.

_Werewolves, when bitten, transform painfully every full moon, once a month... They appear waxy and unwell for some time afterwards..._

Her breath trembled. There it was, another secret gone, a layer exposed – Remus Lupin was a werewolf. He had to be. She felt suddenly slightly guilty for having treated him so harshly before the Christmas holidays. It really hadn't been his fault, had it? No wonder the poor boy looked so ill all the time. Memory of the 'furry little problem' Sirius had spoken of in Grimmauld Place came back to her, and she winced.

She should go apologise to him.

~#~#~

"You can't see him, he's busy," Sirius said. Hostility simmered beneath every word.

"I just want to say sorry for something," Lily said, striving to remain conciliating. "It won't take long, I promise."

"Sorry for what?" he asked interestedly.

"None of your business," she fired back. "Well?"

Sirius yawned expansively as he lounged against the dungeon wall. "He's still busy, unless of course you tell me what it is you want to apologise for."

"I... just wasn't very nice to him a while back," she said carefully. "Will you tell him I'm sorry?"

He eyed her, face expressionless. She tried not to squirm under his almost chillingly unreadable gaze.

"He doesn't do well with pity," Sirius said abruptly. "And if it's blackmail you were aiming for, I'd kill you before you say a word."

Lily's mouth fell open, but she snapped it shut again. How the hell had _he_ known that she knew?

"And this business with James," he continued. "You might have been able to put off making your choice, but just remember that he's already made his. And had it made for him, a thousand times over."

She narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "Figure it out."

Sirius sauntered away, lithe and dangerous, like a panther. She bit her lower lip so hard she drew blood.

Well, at least she had cleared one mystery up: Remus Lupin was a werewolf, and James Potter of all people had been the one to point her in the right direction.


	18. Chapter Seventeen: The Fickle Moon

**Y** ou don't seem to hate James Potter anymore," Marlene commented two weeks after the encounter where they had decided to be 'civil.'

"We're even now," Lily said offhandedly. "I've no need to. What was the incantation for that water spell, again?"

" _Aguamenti_ , and I'm still curious," Marlene said. "You don't glare at him in the corridors like you used to, but you never return his smiles either. What's going on?"

Lily shrugged, unwilling to dissect the intricacies of her new relationship with James. "There's just no point in it," she said evasively. It was with relief that she added, "Anyway, I have to go to the first Prefects' Meeting of term now. I'll see you later."

This was to be the first meeting with James as Head Boy, and she left the Gryffindor common room in plenty of time, wanting to get there early to introduce him. But in her hurry, she miscalculated: halfway up the Grand Staircase, her foot sank into an empty hole where a step should have been. Lily swore viciously. After almost seven years navigating Hogwarts's twists and turns, she should have known better.

She had to wait until someone came along to free her – a long wait, at this time of evening – before she could race along on her way. By this point she was ridiculously late. Stopping outside the classroom door, she straightened her robes and combed her fingers through her dark red hair. She could hear the murmur of voices behind the thick wood. With a deep breath and hammering heart, she went in.

"Sorry I'm late, everyone. I got stuck on the vanishing step."

Lily flushed as every pair of eyes came to rest on her.

"You're meant to be Head Girl," Slytherin sixth-year Wilkes said accusingly.

"Shut it, Wilkes," a voice said sharply. Lily blinked in surprise at James, who was scowling at him fiercely. "That's no way to talk to your Head Girl."

Wilkes's mouth fell open. "What the hell?"

"Twenty points from Slytherin," James snapped. He shot her a sidelong glance, and Lily flicked her wrist to indicate indifference. She had always known that the Slytherins only tolerated her because of her blood; now that James had come along with his Potter lineage they would naturally all flock to him.

There was an awkward silence while Wilkes skulked and nobody seemed to know what to say.

"Well," Lily said. "Does anyone have anything new to report?"

"Yes," Hufflepuff Mary Macdonald said. She stood up.

"Attacks on Muggleborns around the castle are increasing, and as always, it's one very specific group of Slytherins responsible. I want them brought up before Dumbledore so that Muggleborns can sleep safely in their beds at night." She slid her gaze towards the small knot of green-and-silver-clad teenagers in the corner.

"Excellent point," Lily agreed. "However, without evidence there's nothing we can do. So everyone, keep your eyes and ears open and be careful when you're travelling around after dark. Anything else?"

There was a pause, then the door abruptly banged open.

" _You_!"

Lily flinched at the sudden high-pitched squeal that rent the air. A girl, no taller than her shoulder, had thrown herself into the room in a blur of glossy chestnut hair and black robes. She caught a glimpse of a tear-stained red face before there was a loud curse.

"Bloody hell!" James Potter bellowed as the girl struck him full in the stomach. They both went sprawling.

For a moment Lily was in too much shock to anything but watch as the girl rammed her fists into his chest. He dwarfed her, however, and it was easy for him to lift her off his body and try to toss her away. She hung on with the strength of a limpet.

" _Flagrante_!"

A jet of slender flame shot out of the girl's wand. James's robe ignited, and he roared with pain.

At that point Lily's customary presence of mind finally reasserted itself, and she leapt into action.

" _Aguamenti_!"

Her own arc of water countered the fire. It went out, but James made a growl of pain when she hurried over and tried to pull the smoking material away from his skin. He curled into a ball away from her. Lily took pity on him, uncomfortably reminded that this was not the first time she had seen him in such a state.

" _Stupefy_!"

He had not been sensate enough to expect it. It would at least ensure that he felt none of the pain that was undoubtedly coursing it way through his body.

"Someone take him to the Hospital Wing," she ordered. "Adrian – Laughalot – you two, levitate him there. Knock him out if need be."

They saluted. Steve Laughalot flicked his wand and James' prostrate body raised itself to hover off the floor. The three of them left.

"Now, _you_." Lily turned her attention to the girl, who was being restrained by two of the bigger prefects, although she had given up fighting and hung limp in their arms. There was something about the cast of her features that was vaguely familiar; she had on a green-and-silver tie, and she was not much younger than them, perhaps fifteen or sixteen. "What on earth is wrong? What did you do that for?"

"It was him," she snarled. " _He_ did it."

"Potter? What did he do?"

The girl's blue eyes had been hazy and unfocused with rage, but now latched onto Lily with startling clarity. She took an involuntary step back at the gleam she saw there.

"You. You're Lily Black girl, aren't you? The one who's in Gryffindor."

"Yes," Lily said impatiently. "What do you mean, he did it? What did he do?"

A prickling suspicion, twisted with a jealousy she would not have admitted to under pain of the Cruciatus Curse, was beginning to wind its way through her. She did her best to quash it.

No. Surely James wouldn't have chosen another girl, as he had chosen her. She had been – well, _special_ seemed like a bad of choice of words, but that was what she had been, wasn't it? In a sense. Girls with red hair, girls with green eyes – she had seen them slip through his fingers, his for the taking, always girls who looked a little like her. But he had never done to anyone else the things he had done to Lily. She had clung to that knowledge for the last two years, as a blessing and a curse, and she did not know what she would do if she discovered that another girl had lain under James Potter's body and wand as she once had.

"It wasn't just him," the girl said flatly. "It was your cousin as well."

A terrible déjà vu came over Lily. Her suspicion mounted, even as the Prefects exchanged glances.

"Get to the point," Lily hissed. "What the hell are you talking about?"

The girl turned her luminous blue eyes on her. "Last night, James Potter and Sirius Black murdered my twin sister."

And Lily's first feeling was relief.


	19. Chapter Eighteen: When Majesty Falls to Folly

**“W** ell?”

He kept his back to her, staring out towards the great open expanse of night sky, shoulders hunched. “Well, what?”

“Don’t give me that,” Lily snarled. “You must have heard what happened by now, the Prefects are a bunch of gossips. Did you do it or not?”

At last Sirius turned to look at her. His hands were in his pockets, and his expression was careless. But she knew him well enough to see the faintest of tremors in his muscles and the careful blankness in his eyes.

“What’s it to you?”

“Because you’ve gone too far, Sirius,” she said. “Hestia Carrow is sitting in the Hospital Wing right now, doing nothing but laugh and weep. And James Potter is in there too, with skin being regenerated over the burns she gave him. Did he deserve it?”

Sirius was quiet for so long that Lily began to think he wouldn’t answer. Why would he? Her cousin never bared his soul to anyone, least of all to her. She turned to go.

Then, barely audibly:

“He would have, once. Once he would have deserved everything that could be done to him. But he’s changed. Something’s happened. He hasn’t laid a finger on anyone for weeks, and now he speaks about trying to get _out_ –”

He fell silent but it was too late. Lily seized upon it. “Out? What do you mean, out?”

“Nothing,” he said sullenly.

She was not deterred. Her voice was an airless whisper when she said, “ _Is James trying to leave the Death Eaters_?”

It was an impossible thought. _Nobody_ left the Dark Lord’s service. But Sirius did not deny it.

“Mind your own business, Lily. I’m telling you this for your own good: don’t go getting yourself tangled in a knot that won’t ever let you escape.”

“It looks like that’s what has happened to you and James,” she said coldly. “Tell me this, at least. You say James didn’t kill Flora Carrow… but what about you?”

Suddenly, Sirius smiled, and his face was as cruel and handsome as only a Black’s could be.

“She screamed. A lot.”

Then he strode past her open-mouthed form and out of sight.

Slowly, Lily slid down one of the walls of the Astronomy Tower, staring out at the star-speckled darkness. Detachedly she realised it was snowing. Light flakes drifted lazily down and caught on her black cloak.

She sighed tiredly. Her cousin was a force of nature, violent and unpredictable, but he was no liar. And he’d finally gone too far. She could skirt around the issue when it was nothing more than an article in the newspaper, but not when it was this close to home.

Lily needed answers. Immediately. Unfortunately, she had nowhere to get them from. Sirius clearly wouldn’t talk, and she doubted James would, even if he wasn’t currently in the Hospital Wing. The only other two who could know anything of use were Peter Pettigrew and Lupin Lupin. Pettigrew she’d never spoken to, whereas Lupin...

She suddenly bolted to her feet. Werewolf. In the recent drama she’d forgotten about her discovery – Lupin was a werewolf! An idea formed. She was not proud about it, but really, there was no other option.

* * *

“Lupin.”

He looked up from the book he had been reading, blinking shadowed brown eyes at her.

“Lily?”

She nodded, unable to fault him for his wary tone. Given the late hour, they were the only two in the Library. Perfect. She doubted Sirius had passed on her apology; he was not looking at her like she was somebody who had the power to upend his entire world.

“What can I do for you?” he asked cautiously.

Lily leaned in. “I know your secret.”

He jerked. “What?”

“I know your secret,” she repeated softly. “You’re a werewolf.”

All the colour drained from his face. “How did you find out?”

“That’s not important. But there are some things I want to know, and if you don’t tell me I’ll be forced to...” She paused delicately. “Spread the news, as it were.”

“Are you threatening me?” Lupin asked slowly.

Lily smiled, comforted by the feeling that she knew what she was doing here. She had an objective. No longer would she be floundering in the dark with nothing more than cryptic warnings.

“I suppose you could call it that,” she said. “So here it is: meet me tomorrow, right after breakfast, in the Prefects’ bathroom. We’ll be safe there.”

“But I can’t skip Transfiguration!” he said incredulously. “I’ll get into so much trouble!”

“That’s nothing compared to the trouble I’ll bring you if you don’t show,” she said, standing up. “Don’t be late.”

She walked away, biting her lip to hide her smirk. It was about time she was in control again.

“You were obviously Sorted into the wrong House,” he called after her, voice torn between anger and admiration.

She pretended not to hear him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a mix-up and forgot to post one of the chapters. Sorry for the confusion! All back on track now, but there's a Chapter 11 you may not have read if you weren't following this story on FF.net.


	20. Chapter Nineteen: I, Your Glass

**L** ily spent a sleepless night. When she did finally drift off, Sirius and James stalked hazily through her dreams, chased by the Carrow twins, fire bursting from the tips of their wands. She had finally discovered why the girl had looked so familiar: she was Hestia Carrow, from a lesser branch of a Sacred Twenty-Eight family connected to the Dark Lord, and it was her twin sister Flora who had died.

It was like that night in June 1976 all over again. Then, nothing had ever led back to James and Sirius: the girl who had been murdered then had died in the Shrieking Shack, outside Hogwarts’ boundaries, and there had been no evidence to tie it to them. Lily – the only victim who had left the room alive – had, of course, never said a word. But this time was different. Sirius had been sloppy. Hestia Carrow had survived, and by now, no doubt every teacher in the school was aware of what had happened – not least of which was the Headmaster himself. 

Lily was grateful when it was finally morning. She raced through her breakfast and, to her relief, discovered that she would not have to find out whether she would truly have executed her threat against Lupin; he was already there, sitting ramrod-straight on the settee in the Prefects’ bedroom at the assigned time. She did not think she would have liked the answer.

He looked up as she approached. “Hello.”

She inclined her head and sat down beside him. There was silence.

"Look," Lupin said abruptly, "I... there are some things I can't say, of course. I simply can’t."

Lily frowned. "Are you suggesting you’re under an Unbreakable Vow?"

"No," he said drily. "It’s called loyalty. James and Sirius are my best friends, and I would never betray them."

She was grudgingly impressed. "You told me once that they do what they want, and the rest of the world can go to hell," she said.

"They risk their lives for me every day," Lupin said, and something – perhaps the utter conviction in his voice – made Lily accept it.

"Alright," she acquiesced. "You won't be giving away their secrets. I can respect that. But there are still some things I want to know."

"Ask away," he said. She detected amusement in his tone and narrowed her eyes. She was still the one with the upper hand here, wasn't she?

"So,” Lily said. “James and Sirius belong to the Dark Lord.”

It was not a question, and in case they both knew the answer, but Lupin still nodded. “They’ve been his since they were sixteen – as you know,” he added.

“Yes,” Lily said. She did know, perhaps better than him: some nights, Lysandra Yaxley's dying screams still echoed in her ears.

"Fleamont Potter said that messed up the Rookwood killings. What does that mean?"

"He was supposed to perform the spell that caused the Muggle school to explode," Lupin said. "But he was unable to, somehow, and Sirius had to do it instead. I don't know the specifics."

Lily blinked. That tallied with what her cousin had told her.

" _He hasn't laid a finger on anyone for weeks now..."_

_"He wants out..."_

"Lupin," she said, her voice low and breathless, "does James... is James trying to get out of the Death Eaters?"

She understood that it was something he would not answer almost instantly, but that didn't matter. She had heard enough of their conversation that night in the dungeon to put the pieces together herself. James wanted to get out, and he was going to die trying, because nobody left the Dark Lord and lived. Lily felt an odd stirring at that thought; pity, perhaps. Scorn, a little bit. Surely he should have known better than to join the Dark Lord in the first place.

Anyway, as Lysandra Yaxley and Flora Carrow would probably have testified, his regret had manifested itself just a little too late.

Lupin saw her thoughts on her face and winced.

"Some would say he has it coming, wouldn't they?"

"Perhaps he does," she returned flatly. "One last thing. What is the Order?"

"That, I don't know," he said.

Lily rose. "Thank you. You've been a great help."

"I didn't have a choice," he said wryly. "Can I trust that you won't be spreading tales of my furry little problem around school?"

"Your secret is safe with me," she promised, smiling.

* * *

"Back again, cousin dear?"

Sirius' voice was genteelly mocking, his body sprawled out beneath a beech tree in the grounds by the frozen lake. Despite the frosty January air, he was dressed in nothing more than his school robes. Swathed in her cloak, Lily felt almost overdressed. But that was Sirius; he always made everyone else feel out of place.

"I'm surprised," he said. "You usually go out of your way to avoid me, but here you are, seeking me out for the second time in two days."

Lily simply tilted her head. She assessed him, his relaxed posture, elegant good looks, the arrogance exuded by every pore of his body. He had always been a handsome boy; soon he would be a handsome man. A sudden vivid mental picture flashed before her eyes – Sirius, his eyes haunted and face gone gaunt from Azkaban, but his with former handsomeness still evident. She shook away the disturbing image.

Her scrutiny had unnerved him. Lily was only able to tell because he had shifted position minutely.

"Sirius," she said. "You're looking well. I would have thought you’d have been clapped in chains by now."

He raised a sardonic eyebrow. "Why, thank you. I admit, I’m a little surprised as well, but Dumbledore has always been an old fool."

" _A school of Muggle children_!" Lily burst out suddenly, unable to bear anymore how her cousin could simply sit there as though nothing was wrong. "It wasn't Augustus Rookwood behind those killings, was it? Not really. Not when you were the one who cast the spell."

Sirius sat up, all pretences gone. "Who told you?" he demanded harshly. "I'll skin them alive!"

"You don't need to know that," she said. "But things have reached a head. I'm going to Dumbledore."

She had not previously made that decision, but as soon as she said it Lily knew instinctively that it was the right one. He might be her blood but she could no longer excuse it; something of this magnitude needed to be punished.

And if she gave him gift-wrapped to Dumbledore… the Headmaster would not need to go seeking out other perpetrators. Particularly perpetrators who had not even _really_ done anything wrong here. 

Sirius eyed her contemplatively.

"You've made your choice, then?" he said. "You'll stand against the Dark Lord?"

"Don't sound so shocked," she said. "After all, that's what James wants to do, isn't it?"

With that parting shot, she started to flounce away. Knowing her cousin as well as she did, something occurred to her.

"I wouldn't be too hard on Lupin, if I were you," she said over her shoulder. "He knows the meaning of loyalty."

Sirius nodded briefly, acknowledging her words. Lily turned to go.

She had a Hospital Wing to visit.


	21. Chapter Twenty: Thy Poison with Such Sugar'd Words

" **J** ames."

"Lily," he said, levering himself up onto his elbows on his cot in the Hospital Wing. "Lily, I’m being framed. _I didn't fucking do it."_

She took in his wild gaze, dark with purple bruises. He looked almost as ill as Lupin before a full moon.

"I believe you,” she said. “But others won’t. You’ll have to tell them who really did it, when they all come asking."

Lily was not surprised when he shook his head. "I can’t. I don’t know who did."

"You're lying," she said calmly. "Sirius did it."

James sank back down. "That girl – Hestia Carrow – she told you, then?"

"Not just me. All the Prefects heard after you got taken to the Hospital Wing, and by now the whole of Hogwarts probably knows too," Lily informed him.

He choked. "But – they'll lynch him!"

"They won't get a chance," she said. James looked slightly more reassured.

"You're right. Sirius is tough –”

"Because," she interrupted relentlessly, "I’ll have put him in Azkaban by then."

He stared. “ _What?”_

"Oh, yes," she said, with a ghost of a smile. "I know it was him behind the Rookwood killings, and I'm done with standing by. I'm telling Dumbledore."

Lily was faking a calm she did not feel. On the inside, she was roiling with emotion; doubt over her decision, anger at her cousin, fear over what the reaction from her family would be. They really would disown her this time. Betraying the family was considered the height of evil by any Black, and even Lily, placed in Gryffindor and called the White Sheep, could not so easily forget the values that had been drummed into her since birth. Nor was she immune to the tiny stabs of shame that occasionally dug into her.

But most of all she felt a sick dread at the thoughts of Bellatrix and Narcissa. Having already lost her sister Andromeda, how terrible would it be if she lost her others?

"Lily!"

She broke out of her inner monologue to refocus her gaze on James. He was examining her with someone surprisingly like concern.

"Are you alright? You seemed a little out of it for a minute there."

"I'm fine," she said briefly.

He accepted it. "I'm afraid you can't tell Dumbledore."

"And why not?"

"He's my best friend. My brother. I'm more his blood than Regulus is. I won’t let you have him sent to Azkaban," James said.

"He's _my_ cousin," she countered.

"That simply makes it worse."

"You don't understand," she hissed, moving forward until they were nose-to-nose. "Sirius has done horrible things and I know it, and he needs to be locked up. For the greater good."

He leaned back and watched her. "That's what Gellert Grindelwald used to say, too. You might be aware that he's in Nurmengard now."

Lily's laugh was mocking. "Speaking of Dark wizards, are we? I would expect nothing less from the boy whose only dream was once to be the Dark Lord's greatest servant."

She stood up, kicked back the wicker chair she had been sitting in, and turned on her heel. She had come to question him about the Order... and _maybe_ see how he was doing... but now there was no chance she would be asking him anything after the argument they'd just had. Perhaps she was wrong, Lily admitted. Someone who wanted to leave the Dark Lord's service could not in good conscience defend Sirius like that.

She had better go to Dumbledore immediately. She would not put it past either Sirius or James to see to it that she met with some unfortunate accident that would prevent her from telling him later. Especially not now that she’d warned them both of her plans, a self-destructive impulse she was beginning to regret having given into.

And besides, the sooner her cousin was behind bars, the better – for her, at least.

* * *

"Miss Black," the Headmaster of Hogwarts said. "I've been hoping to see you." He was not smiling.

Lily looked puzzled. "Yes, Professor?"

She had come to tell Dumbledore about Sirius, but sudden fear struck her as she took in his grave expression. Who was it? Bella maybe, Cissy, even Andy –

"It concerns your cousin," he said. "Sirius Black."

She frowned. If Dumbledore had already figured out what she was about to say, why wasn’t Sirius in custody of the Dementors at this very moment? Instead, he was being left free to roam the castle, secure in the belief that the Headmaster was ignorant of his activities.

"The House of Black is an old and powerful family," Dumbledore said. "Your cousin, like you, has the makings to be a herald of the new generation. It has always saddened me to see such bright young minds corrupted from birth by the pureblood mania."

He leaned forward, blue eyes piercing. "You were extremely fortunate to escape that mindset, Miss Black. But your cousin's sight is still clouded."

"What has he done now?" Lily asked, finding her voice.

In response he drew out a folded piece of parchment. "I found this on my desk a few minutes ago."

She smoothed out the creases and scanned the lines of graceful, sloping script, spikier but no less elegant than her own.

_I enjoyed my time at Hogwarts, but it is over now, and there are no limits for those the Dark Lord favours. A great and terrible age is coming. The world will fall into chaos, and I have every intention of being there to see it through._

_I killed the girl, Albus. But you already knew that. I have often felt that you know more of Hogwarts' goings-on than you let on. If you truly wished it, you could capture me and have me in Azkaban by nightfall. It may be sacrilege to write this – but I do not think that the Dark Lord will ever be a match for you._

_And Lily, my darling blood-traitor cousin, be wary. The Dementors will rise and the Ministry will be overthrown, and there is nothing in heaven or hell that can stop me breaking out if I am put in Azkaban. Then I will come for you. After all, you owe me, and I collect my debts._

_Your proud servant,_

_Sirius Orion Black_

Lily finished reading and looked up, irritation mingling with relief. Yes, her cousin had fled, meaning he could not be tried for his crimes… but she knew he had also done this as a favour to her. Her sisters couldn't renounce her if she had done nothing. Sirius had taken note of that.

_After all, you owe me._

"Well?" Dumbledore prompted.

"Are you going to go after him?" she asked, slipping the parchment into her pocket.

"No, Miss Black," he said. "I will not. For a sinner may seek forgiveness at any time, even when at the gates of hell."

She understood what he meant, but Lily doubted it. James Potter might – _might_ – have seen the error of his ways, but if there was one thing a Black never did, it was show remorse for their actions. But, unwilling to argue with her Headmaster over this, she stood up.

"I'll see you later, Professor."

"Good day, Miss Black."

As Lily descended the spiral staircase she wondered if James had known beforehand of Sirius' planned escape. The two were so close it was probable, but there had been no time for Sirius to go to the Hospital Wing after her own encounter with him, as well as pack and leave Dumbledore a note. Then she remembered the Invisibility Cloak. Who knew what else the Marauders had up their sleeves? She wouldn't be surprised if they had worked out some other method of communication.

She met a harried-looking Lupin at the bottom of the staircase. "Lupin?" she said, eyebrows raised. "What's wrong?"

"Something's happened to Sirius and I need to tell Dumbledore," he said without looking at her. "All his stuff's gone, I'm worried –"

"Calm down," she said, grabbing the back of his robes to stop him continuing on his way to Dumbledore's office. "Read this." She handed him the note.

Lily saw his expression go from shock to resignation as his eyes travelled over the writing. "What do you think?" she asked.

He gave the parchment back and pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. "There isn’t much to say, is there? Apart from _thank God_ that Sirius has decided Hogwarts students aren't enough entertainment anymore. The way he was carrying on, he'd have murdered most of them by Easter. I could wish he’d told me he was planning to leave, though…"

There was a tired note in his voice that suggested it was not the first time he had been left out of Sirius’s plans.

"At least we could keep an eye on him in Hogwarts," Lily pointed out. "Out there, there's no stopping him."

"You really aren't like the rest of your family, are you?" he said with grim amusement. Before she could answer, he wheeled around and vanished around the corner.

Lily watched him go. What he had said was not quite true. There was still another Black who was Black in nothing but name, and it was about time the two of them had a chat.


	22. Chapter Twenty-One: A Ministering Angel Shall My Sister Be

Lily had been intending to do this, and been putting it off, since before the Christmas holidays. Andromeda had fled with Edward Tonks back in October: the longer the time Lily had allowed to elapse, the more difficult it had become to escape her quagmire of indecision. Eventually it had just seemed easier to keep letting it pass her by.

But now it was almost criminally hard to find the right words. Lily sat at a desk in the Gryffindor common room with a roll of parchment set out in front of her, nibbling at the end of her quill. Marlene and Frank were at the Library; Arabella sat with a fourth-year, tutoring. The room was warm and cosy. The windows of Gryffindor Tower revealed that the evening sky was, once again, heavy with the snowflakes that caught in rivulets on the glass.

She had been sitting here for nearly half-an-hour already. Lily knew what she _wanted_ to say, but somehow all the words she used to frame her request sounded wrong. A pile of scrunched-up parchment bore witness to her many attempts.

Lily tried again.

_Dear Andromeda..._

No.

_Dear Andy..._

Too informal, for the sister she hadn't spoken to in months.

But at one time, she and Andromeda had been two peas in a pod – using her full name felt wrong. Lily was eventually forced to resort to digging out a Galleon and flipping it. It landed on Morgana le Fay instead of Merlin. That settled in.

_Dear Andy_

Lily found that, with the first part taken care of, the rest came more naturally.

_How are you and Edward? I hope everything is good. I'm Head Girl at school. It's very trying, but I enjoy it. James Potter has taken over from Remus Lupin as Head Boy._

_I understand this is an unexpected request, but if you are able, I would like to see you. I have some questions to ask._

She hesitated, then wrote,

_I miss you._

_Love,_

_Lily_

Before she could change her mind, she tied the scroll to Morrigan's leg and watched him fly off. Half of her wondered if Andromeda would reply at all.

She didn't have long to wait. Morrigan returned at breakfast the next morning, bearing a hastily scribbled note.

_Dear Lily,_

_Yes, of course – I would like to see you too. I have been hoping that you would write, and I have some questions I would like to ask too. When are you free?_

_I miss you too._

_Love,_

_Andy_

Somehow it was the best and worst letter Lily had ever received. The best, because a part of her had been terrified that her own letter would simply go unanswered; the worst because it gave so little information away.

_I miss you too._

"Marlene? When's the next Hogsmeade weekend?" she asked, nudging her. Marlene paused shovelling in cereal long enough to reply.

"The end of February. Why?"

"Because I want to –"

Lily stopped abruptly, as did everyone else in the Hall. Slowly, majestically, the doors had swung open, revealing a single figure framed inside the doorway.

James sauntered forward. His face was once more as perfect as it had ever been, and almost unbearably blank as his hazel eyes passed over her dismissively with nothing but a blink. She felt irritation well up at his casual once-over. Gone was the boy who had begged for her understanding in the Hospital Wing; now after their argument, he was once again well on his way to ruling the school.

Dramatic bastard. She tightened her grip on her spoon.

There was a dead silence as he slid into his normal seat at the Slytherin table. Nobody could fail to see the very definite gap where Sirius should have been.

A few more moments passed, then conversation resumed at a quieter volume than before. Lily turned back to Marlene.

"As I was saying, I want to meet up with Andromeda, but the end of February is too far away." She sighed.

Marlene eyed her speculatively. "Why don't you sneak out?"

Lily choked. _"What_?"

"Sneak out," she repeated nonchalantly. "I trust you’re aware of the definition. It means to employ clandestine and covert means to vacate a building without its occupants being aware of it."

"I know what sneak out means," Lily snapped. "I mean, have you taken leave of your senses? I'm the Head Girl! I can't _sneak out_!"

"You can and you will," Marlene said. "If you want to see Andromeda this side of your birthday, at least."

Lily decided to humour her. "Alright, let’s say I agree. How would I even do it?"

"That's the easy part," she said. "You ask Remus Lupin for help."

Now Lily was completely certain that her best friend had gone mad. "Are you listening to yourself? You hate him!"

"No," Marlene corrected, "I hate his friends. Lupin himself has never done anything wrong. He's even helped you, albeit under coercion. Why shouldn't he do it again?"

Grudgingly, Lily admitted to herself that she could see the logic behind it. It was true. Lupin was certainly the least of four evils when one considered the Marauders. She even had the blackmail necessary to guarantee his help. But...

Her lingering sense of duty to her prized Head Girl badge warred with her desire to reconnect with Andromeda for a few more seconds, before ultimately expiring. For ever after, she'd feel like a fraud, but family was more important. Lily took a deep breath.

"Fine. What do you propose I do?"

"Find him at lunch," Marlene said. "You know he'll probably be in the Library."

The bell rang for lessons. Anticipation and worry twisted in Lily's gut throughout Arithmancy, but she ruthlessly squashed it down until she was approaching the solid oak doors of the Library.

It was empty.

No, not quite, she realised. James lounged in one corner with his feet on a table, flicking through a narrow volume. She tried hurriedly to retreat.

"Lily?"

Too late.

"James," she greeted coldly.

To her surprise, he was grinning at her. The sight did odd things to her insides. "Ah, Lily, my Lily. Just the person I wanted to see."

"I am?" she said disbelievingly.

He nodded. "Oh, yes. Everyone knows you're the best in the year at Charms, and that's one of my worst subjects. I've been meaning to ask you – can more than one person be the Secret Keeper in a Fidelius Charm?"

"Well, yes," she said in surprise. "There can be any number, but obviously it will be more effective when there's just one, since that minimises the chance of a leak."

Was this truly James Potter? He looked the same, and he talked the same, but he couldn't possibly _be_ the same. They'd just had a normal conversation, after she’d announced yesterday morning her decision to commit his best friend to prison. She had thought, with a painful combination of relief and self-directed anger, that their temporary truce was at a halt. He should have hated her after what she had said.

A part of her – the Blackest part of her – hated herself.

"Thank you, just what I wanted to hear," he said. "What are you doing in here? Looking for someone?"

She considered him. "Yes, Lupin. Have you seen him?"

"He's in the Common Room. Why?"

"No reason," she said. "Goodbye, James."

"Wait," he said, jumping to his feet. "Lily, there's something I need to ask."

She waited. "Yes?"

"Would you really have betrayed Sirius?” He was looking at her, his eyes more gold than brown, head tilted back. “Your own cousin?”

Lily hesitated. “I don’t know,” she confessed. “Yes – no. I would have, and I wouldn’t have. I couldn’t – but I _should_.”

“Is that so,” he said. The sharp edges of his teeth flashed when he smiled. “How very interesting.”

Lily fled. Then, at least, she could convince herself that she had imagined the taunting, tender note in his voice.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Two: Their Wills Their Law

Lily had not gone more than two steps before an odd feeling came over her and she stopped dead.

James was a Marauder. He had an Invisibility Cloak, of all things, that he owed her for not gossiping about. And, perhaps more to the point…

She could not imagine that he would want her expelled from Hogwarts. She could not say the same of Lupin, whom she was after all blackmailing.

"James," she said, wheeling around, "I need a favour."

He raised an eyebrow. "For you? Always."

She dropped into the chair opposite him. "I need to see one of my sisters. But it has to be done soon, and there are no Hogsmeade trips until February. You're a Marauder. So I was wondering... if..."

“If I’d help you get there?” he finished sardonically.

She flushed under the light mockery of his gaze. “Well. Yes.”

Smirking, he leaned back in his chair, balancing it on two legs. “Lily Black asking _me_ for an illegal favour… whoever thought I’d live to see the day?”

"Shut up," she muttered, although his mirth made her lips curve. "Will you help me or not?"

He leaned forward. There was something shrewd and calculating in his eyes; Lily wondered why it failed to put her on edge. "Alright," he said. "On one condition: you tutor me in Charms."

She stared. "You want a tutor for Charms?"

"It's my worst subject," he explained. "Flitwick says if I want to carry on my chosen career path, I need an Outstanding in the NEWTs."

"Just something for the Ministry. So, do we have a deal?"

"Yes," she said, reaching out to shake his outstretched hand. His palm was big and warm. She pulled back hastily and stood up.

His tone became business-like. "When are you going to see her?"

"I'll make it this Friday," she said. "Night-time would be easier, wouldn't it?"

"Definitely. Is there an arranged meeting place yet?"

"I was thinking the Hog's Head?" she suggested cautiously, but he shook his head.

"The Three Broomsticks would be better. Nobody would bat an eye at Andromeda being in there, but everyone knows she's been blasted off the family tree. She wouldn't be caught dead in the Hog's Head."

"Fine," Lily said, impressed despite herself at his reasoning. "I see you're quite the expert at this."

"All those years of rule-breaking were just practice for this," he said with a straight face. She burst out laughing. It hadn't been that funny, and wouldn't have sounded so coming from anyone else, but somehow – when it was James Potter – she was still fighting a smile for minutes afterward.

"At eleven p.m. on Friday, meet me by the statue of the one-eyed witch," he said. "I'll get you to Hogsmeade from there. Alright?"

"Yes, thank you," she said. Then she fled before things could get any stranger.

* * *

In response to Lily's note, Andromeda sent one back agreeing to midnight at the Three Broomsticks. Lily spent the time until then on tenterhooks – half certain she would be caught and punished, nervous of how she would be received, and lastly trying to ignore the twist in her stomach whenever she caught James's eye. Inexplicably, this seemed to be happening more and more lately. With Sirius's dramatic departure she now worked with Bones and Byron in Potions, but it seemed that every time she looked up James was looking back.

She had always known he watched her. But she had never before watched _back_.

At ten forty-five on Friday night, Lily slipped soundlessly out of bed and zipped up her boots.

"Good luck," Marlene hissed. "Wake me up when you get back!"

"I will," Lily whispered back. She drew her hooded cloak over her distinctive hair and tiptoed down the staircase.

The fire burned merrily in the grate, illuminating the empty common room. She carefully swung the Fat Lady outwards and jumped down. Even having come only a few feet, her heart was pounding.

God, how did the Marauders do it night after night?

Barely breathing, Lily crept towards the statue of the one-eyed witch. There was a close call where she had to press back into the shadows to avoid Mrs Norris, but it passed safely. At the thought of how she was avoiding her former ally, Lily felt hysterical laughter rising up. Biting it back took effort.

The area around the statue was empty.

"James?" she breathed. Damnit, where was he? "James!"

"Hush now, I'm here," he muttered into her ear. "Under the Cloak. Come on."

Light-headed with relief, Lily turned slightly so he could drape the shimmering material over her. His hand snaked past her to tap his wand tip against the statue's hump. Before her astonished eyes, a part of it slid away to expose a gap big enough for her to crawl into.

"So that's where it is!" she whispered. "No wonder I was always finding you boys around this statue."

"Sirius thought you'd figure it out ages ago, to be honest," James admitted. "Now go on in."

She ducked out from beneath the Cloak and wiggled into the gap. " _Lumos_ ," she murmured. The passage yawned before her, dark and narrow.

"Where does this lead to?" she asked over her shoulder.

"The cellar in Honeydukes, next door to the Three Broomsticks," came the reply. "Hurry up or you'll be late!"

Acknowledging it, Lily began to shuffle along. She was forced to bend slightly, but thankfully the passage was short, and she soon emerged into a room full of boxes. This was the cellar.

"Wait here for me," James said. "I need to disable the Anti-Break-in Charm."

She nodded. He disappeared up a flight of steps that presumably led to the actual shop.

Lily spent the time staring around the cellar, trying not to think about the nerves boiling in her stomach. What was she _doing_? Had she taken leave of her senses? Andy would be well within her rights to sneer and turn –

"You can come up now," James said, his voice echoing. Lily shook her head to clear it and followed him up. Honeydukes was dark and filled with the ghostly shapes of shelves; she was glad to jump over the glittering threads of the disabled Anti-Break-in Charm and walk into the brightly lit pub next door.

She saw Andromeda immediately.

Her second-oldest sister was leaning at a table against the wall, nursing a Butterbeer. Her straight black hair, long-lashed grey eyes and sharply elegant face testified to her Black heritage: in fact, her resemblance to Bellatrix was often noted. But the ring on her finger belonged to a Muggleborn. And her stomach was rounded enough that –

"You're pregnant?" Lily gasped.

Andromeda looked up.


	24. Chapter Twenty-Three: Madness in Great Ones

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Madness in Great Ones**

**S** he was Bellatrix, and yet not, the image of their oldest sister filtered through a mirror. Lily was struck by a powerful sense of déjà vu as she started forward. She half-expected the woman to twist her lips into a smirk and drawl out a greeting.

But this was Andromeda. She gave a gasping cry and flung herself forward, wrapping her slender arms around Lily. Lily found herself blinking back tears as they embraced for the first time in an eternity. The bump of her stomach was an unfamiliar protrusion against Lily’s own flat belly.

Abruptly she remembered James and drew back slightly. He was watching with his hands in his pockets, a faint grin on his face. It faded when he realised she was looking at him.

"Sorry," he said. "I'll just... go off over there."

"Potter?" Andromeda interrupted. "James Potter?"

Something passed between the two of them, a stretched-out band of feeling that made Lily's breath catch when it snapped.

"Yes," he said. "James Potter."

"He brought me here," Lily interjected quickly, forcing Andromeda to sit down. She tipped him a glance. He caught the hint and wandered off, going to the bar to order a Firewhiskey.

"What was he doing here?" Andromeda asked, looking more curious than horrified.

"He brought me here," Lily explained. "We have an understanding. Of sorts."

"Hmm," she said thoughtfully, but changed the subject. "So. What has been happening to you?"

Lily poured everything out: Sirius, James, Fleamont Potter, Lupin's condition, the McKinnons. Her words became faster and increasingly garbled as she spoke of murder and loyalty, madness and mercy. But Andromeda only listened, breaking in occasionally to clarify something.

When she was finished Lily felt as though the proverbial weight had been taken off her shoulders. "You've renounced the Black heritage," she said. "You're the only person I know who's gone through anything remotely like this. So what advice do you have?"

Andromeda was silent for a long time. She simply stared down at the scarred wood of the tabletop, giving Lily the opportunity to turn her head and look for James. He was sitting alone at a table some distance away and nursing his drink.

Finally, her second-oldest sister spoke. "You know, of course, how all of the Sacred Twenty-Eight families are related to each other."

"Yes," Lily said warily. What did that have to do with anything?

"And so we all suffer from our shared madness. The Blacks, the Potters, the Lestranges, the Malfoys – there is something in the purest of bloods which ruins the mind, rots the senses. With great power comes great instability," she added, with a faint smile.

She had named only the Darkest families. "So those who deal too deeply in the blackest magics are driven insane," Lily said, but Andromeda shook her head.

"We all shall be. You and I included. But it manifests itself in different ways, and at different times."

"Sirius has always been wild as sea foam," Lily said. Her fingernails dug painfully into the skin of her own palms. "You can't tell me my end will be like his."

The thought that insanity might be an inevitable fate was not one that sat well with her. Control was an integral part of her, just as the lack of it was an integral part of her cousin's. To be told that she had no choice in eventually becoming like him –

"Lily, Lily, calm down," her sister said hastily. "This isn’t always a bad thing. Look at me – I went wild and married a Muggleborn, and it was the best thing I ever did."

"Fine," she said grudgingly. "So what was your point, exactly?"

"To let the cards fall where they may, because the players are far too unpredictable for you to read them. There is never black and white. There are only shades of grey."

Something about the edge in her words made Lily suspect that she intended some deeper meaning, but Andromeda abruptly stood up.

"It's time you were getting back, Lily. And I too. Ted gets worried when I'm not there."

"Ted," Lily repeated. She was mostly successful at concealing the faint tinge of derision in her words. "Tell him I said hello. Boy or girl?"

"Girl," Andromeda said, with a sudden stunning smile. "We're going to call her Nymphadora."

Lily wondered vaguely how Nymphadora's insanity would assert itself, but hugged her sister once more and promised to write regularly. Then she watched her hurry out into the night.

James was making his way over to her. "Had a good talk?" he asked.

She hesitated. "It wasn't as... inspiring as it could have been," she admitted reluctantly, because that was the truth. Let the cards fall where they may? What kind of advice was that?

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "I hope you weren't expecting her to make your choice for you, Lily. Only you can do that. I would know."

She should ask him what he meant. She should ask him why he was trying to leave the Dark Lord's service. She should ask him why once, two years ago, he and Sirius had delighted in one girl's pain and another girl's nightmare.

She should ask him a great many things, especially why he was looking at her with something indefinable in his eyes.

But Lily was tired. And so she only said, "Lead the way."

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I ever wrote, back in 2013. Revised and updated!


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